(Closed) Proposal disapointed

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 61
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My fiance and I were sitting on thr couch watching NCIS and he waited for a commercial and said “I love you, marry me?” It was simple but perfect. He is awesome and I know I he loves me. That’s all that matters. Like most people have said,  don’t compare your relationship to theirs. He may have felt he had to try so hard because he didn’t feel anything he ever did was good enough. Be happy regardless,  it’s an exciting time.  And now you get to plan your wedding which is so much better. CONGRATULATIONS! 

Post # 62
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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futuremess:  She’s already married.  She’s just holding onto bad feelings from years ago.

Post # 63
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I couldn’t follow all of your update but I think your relationship has a lot of issues that you won’t be able to fix.  It sounds like the lackluster proposal is just scratching the surface and in reality your relationship isn’t at all healthy.  It sounds like you don’t trust him, plus he’s lying to you about this coworker he’s going to lunch with.  I’m one who is fine with platonic opposite sex friends but the fact that he lied to you and said it was once when it’s been a few times a week isn’t ok.  You also mention he’s controlling.  Is that really a man you want to marry??  A man who shows you aren’t a priority and who makes you feel like crap?  I’m not purposely being mean here, I genuinely see a lot of issues in your post.  I don’t think getting married to this man would be the best of ideas…

Post # 64
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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ljm308:  They’re already married.

Post # 65
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee

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linds1226:  I apologize for my harsh post. You are right, it isn’t helpful. I don’t think picking apart every event in your relationship is going to help either. Being on a WB planning site definitely won’t. You are either in a bad relationship, so depressed it’s skewing your perspective, or both. I think you should seek some professional help. Best of luck to you.

Post # 66
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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linds1226:  Your proposal is the least of your problems.

Post # 67
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

I’m not trying to be mean, but based on your follow-up post about him and his coworker and everything you have said, he sounds like a narcissist. You really need to try to get help with therapy, and if you an’t afford it, try to self help by reading articles. You will have a lot of trouble being in a relationship with a narcissist, it has nothing to do with you, but he will use you until he decides to fall in love with someone else and discard you without a second thought. Please read up on it, and if it sounds like him, then you really need to start forming a plan for when he leaves. Just google “my husband is a narcissist” and start reading.

Post # 70
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

I did not read all of the comments, but here are my initial thoughts:

1. If this just happened, relax, and focus on the overall quality of your relationship and not this one thing. Of course I can only speculate without knowing your relationship, but I can imagine many scenarios in which this isn’t actually a problem (say he felt his last relationship involved too much overplanning and eggshell walking, and is just happy to be with someone he’s more comfortable with this time around, and that was reflected in the proposal.

2. If this happened over a year ago and you’re still concerned about it, I definitely think there are some deeper issues in your relationship that need to be addressed.

Post # 71
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

aaaand 3. I just read your old thread, and I think your proposal sounded very sweet.

Post # 73
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

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linds1226:  So lifetimes ago, I was in a horribly abusive relationship; both physically and emotionally. It was like a really awful Lifetime movie and it took a long time to heal from it. But I can remember feeling so down and helpless that had I known about things like internet forums, I’d have sought help there because I know it can be impossible to find support from family and friends. There’s a fear of sacrificing dignity among many other complex issues. I get it. And unless you are being over dramatic, this sounds like a cry for help.

I feel like you posted because you’re really down and don’t know what to do. It can be dangerous to harbor these feelings, especially when such is met with harsh replies. I’m so sorry. I really think you need to talk to a close friend or family member and seek counseling. I also think you need to really decide whether this is what you want for your life. I can tell you that it isn’t what I wanted for mine. Please seek out legitimate help. I know it’s really hard, but you will be glad you did. Life can be so much better and you don’t have to live like this. Just take that first step. Again, I’m really sorry. It sounds like you’re really struggling.

Post # 74
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

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linds1226:  Question – how long ago was this?

Second question – you said that you don’t feel like he put effort into the proposal, and you felt like it didn’t matter to him and he was only thinking about what he wanted instead of you. Is this specific to the proposal, or also how you feel about the relationship in general?

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