Post # 1
It seems society has set these crazy high standards for a proposal to be over the top, instagram worthy, etc. And I’ve noticed it’s adding more stress on brides-to-be AND their SOs in the waiting phase.
I’m “waiting,” and was curious. How do you talk about expectations with your guy (or gal) without taking away their planning moment? Because it’s just as important for them as it is to those of us on the recieving end.
For example, I’d love something low key, like us out on a hike together, cooking a nice dinner at home with jazz and some wine, or in a park walking the dog, picnicing on the beach, etc. I don’t need some grandoise gesture, nor do I want anything super public. He knows I don’t want public, but I don’t think he knows I’m okay with something simple & low key. How do I give him the idea that “simple is great!” without it coming across as planning it for him? (Yes, I get a park or beach is “public” but it’s also not? It’s more that I don’t want to cause a huge scene or be surrounded by dozens of people – I feel like a restaurant is more public, or a sporting event or things like that.)
I DO reiterate when we are in those low-key moments on how romantic they feel to me, and how much I love just doing the simple things with him. I’ve also told him that anything involving nature and/or twinkle lights is guaranteed to make me happy. Even when we’re out for dinner – patio dining with twinkle lights = me all smiley & he knows it.
Am I making any sense? Basically, how do I let him know I don’t have expectations for a proposal that’s “instagram worthy” or high profile? I wanna alieviate the pressure, as much as I can… But I also want to give him the abilty to plan & have his moment too.
Post # 2
I just told my SO that I really didn’t want anything crazy and would be happy if it was just a sweet moment between the two of us. He’s not an over the top kinda guy to begin with, so I wasn’t too worried, but I didn’t want him to feel any pressure to have a big to do for the proposal.
He did it at home while we were watching one of our favorite tv shows.
Post # 3
I just told him the things that were important to me. I didn’t want family/friends there or to know it’s happening ahead of time. I would prefer it be a private moment between the two of us. And I left it at that.
It sounds like you’ve given your boyfriend plenty of guidance on what you would like. Honestly, I don’t know any guys who felt pressured to do an instagram-worthy proposal because of expectations from society. Generally, I think women get those crazy expectations from social media/movies/television whatever and they put that pressure on their partners. So given that you haven’t told him you need some over the top proposal I wouldn’t be worried about him stressing out about some Instagram worthy proposal.
Post # 4
Basically, you sit down and tell him what you just told us. Be authentically yourself. It is so nice to hear from a Bee who has a mature attitude towards the whole proposal thing.
I’m sure your future husband is going to be pretty happy with what he hears.
Post # 5
we didn’t have a specific discussion about what i wanted out of a proposal, but he knew me well enough to know that an “instagram proposal” is not what i wanted. i’m a pretty private person, and he knew i would want it to be private, just the two of us, and not in a public place. friends tried to talk him into hiring a photographer and he apparently told them (correctly) that i would not like that.
it sounds like your guy also knows that’s what you want. if you guys are chatting about your future or your engagement, you can mention what you’ve stated here. but i wouldn’t worry too much about it.
Post # 6
NATURE AND TWINKLE LIGHTS ARE THE BEST.
I get you and feel the exact same regarding expectations. We’ve joked about it some and I’ve found little ways to mention I wouldn’t want anything big or crazy. It sounds like you have also made some comments and I bet he knows you well enough to not go over the top?
If you really are worried, I agree with others who said to just straight up let him know! I could see my guy doing it when we are out on a nice date or something, but don’t see him coming up with any sort of elaborate plan, haha.
And sure, I love some stories I hear, such as my friend’s husband hiking up a mountain the night before their planned sunrise hike just to hide a cooler of champagne and strawberries in the bushes so he could propose right at sunrise on the mountain… but I know my boyfriend tends to be simpler and I’m fine with that. When I DO share stories with him of things my friends or their partners have done, he gets a half-joking panicked look and says “Don’t expect that!!” and I tell him DUH of course I don’t.
Another friend’s boyfriend made a whole slideshow of photos from their first year (complete with music) with candles spelling out Love (or something) and a whole romantic set up with rose petals…. and that was just for their 1 year anniversary! And that’s not us. -shrug-
You got this!
Post # 7
I’m in the same boat. I actually was previously engaged a number of years ago, and he proposed in a restaraunt, it was a complete and total suprise. I hate being the center of attention, and I was a little uncomfortable.
My SO spilled the beans, and was going to propose at a fancy restaraunt on my birthday in March, but he has now changed plans now that he told me. I’ve hinted that I would love it just at home with our girls present. He doesn’t know where my previous engagement took place. Whenever it happens, I will be thrilled. Ive dropped my hints of my preferences, but it is in hands, and I will eagerly say heck yes no matter how he does it!
Good luck, and can’t wait to hear how yours happens!!! So exciting!!
Post # 8
I told my fiancé I’d prefer it to be a moment with very few other people around, and we both definitely wanted a couple of days to enjoy just the two of us before sharing the news with family and friends. The only hint I gave him as to it being a memorable occasion was to keep in mind that everyone would be asking for the proposal story, so to consider what he wanted the moment to sound like to other people when he repeated it. He thought that was great insight that he wouldn’t have considered without me mentioning it, and the proposal turned out to be perfect. Nothing super grand, very private, but still a really special moment in a special place, with enough “wow!” to make a good story.
Post # 9
Just tell him what you want and examples of what you consider low key. I told my husband I just didn’t want anything public like in a restaurant or something.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana
I think it’s a good idea to tell him what you prefer he wouldn’t do. Otherwise I think letting him do his thing is a good route. As the proposer, I was so damn nervous and I was at home in my pajamas. Even though I knew he was expecting it soon and that he’d be excited my heart was pounding the whole time. It would have been so much worse if I’d been worried about doing it a certain way! As the woman I had no idea how much pressure a proposa was until I did it myself! Guys do not get near enough credit.
Post # 11
If you feel he still needs some guidance, on one of your low-key nights at home, just have a frank conversation. “I know I’ve mentioned x, y, z in passing but I wanted to make sure you know that I’m serious and not down-playing what I want.”
I had a very low-key at-home proposal that was exactly what I wanted. My SO and I had more than one conversation about future, rings, proposals, etc. We were a part of a friend’s public proposal which was amazing and perfect for them, but not my style. I simply told him that. See if you can find examples in your life of what you’d be comfortable taking inspiration from and what you would consider a “nope”.
Post # 12
I just told my husband I’d say no if he tried to propose in a big public way haha. Any time it came up on TV or in person (we saw someone get engaged at a ball game once) Id be like ya, don’t do that. He knows I don’t like being the centre of attention that way, and ended up proposing in a park on a walk near our house. Low key, everyday event, it was great. To be fair, he’s not much of a planner so I wasn’t super worried he would come up with something elaborate haha.
Post # 13
My only stipulation was that it would be just us. No family, no restaurant with other people, etc. He ended up doing a pretty elaborate proposal, but it was still just us and it was perfect.
Post # 14
We just had an honest conversation. I told him straight up I didn’t want to be proposed to in front of a ton of people. He told me he knew that and he wouldn’t want to do that either. He proposed to me on a mountain top, in a spot where nobody was around. It was better than I could have imagined. I honestly feel if your partner knows you, they’ll know what you do and don’t like and plan accordingly. I never worried that my fiancé would try to do something over the top, because we’re not those kinds of people.
Also note I told him to do propose how he wanted to, so long as we weren’t in a crowded area.
Post # 15
I told my now husband that I only had 3 requests (must haves, really). He had to ask my dad for his blessng, he had to get down on one knee and it had to be something fitting to us as a couple/family. He asked my dad, he got on one knee (on the swim deck of our boat, our first significant purchase together) and asked me to marry him at our favorite beach in front of our 2 daughters and a few of our best friends. It was perfectly us and very low key!