Proposal Expectations

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
4810 posts
Honey bee

I just told my SO that I really didn’t want anything crazy and would be happy if it was just a sweet moment between the two of us.  He’s not an over the top kinda guy to begin with, so I wasn’t too worried, but I didn’t want him to feel any pressure to have a big to do for the proposal.

He did it at home while we were watching one of our favorite tv shows.  

Post # 3
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I just told him the things that were important to me. I didn’t want family/friends there or to know it’s happening ahead of time. I would prefer it be a private moment between the two of us. And I left it at that.

It sounds like you’ve given your boyfriend plenty of guidance on what you would like. Honestly, I don’t know any guys who felt pressured to do an instagram-worthy proposal because of expectations from society. Generally, I think women get those crazy expectations from social media/movies/television whatever and they put that pressure on their partners. So given that you haven’t told him you need some over the top proposal I wouldn’t be worried about him stressing out about some Instagram worthy proposal.

Post # 4
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
gatsbygirl :  

Basically, you sit down and tell him what you just told us. Be authentically yourself. It is so nice to hear from a Bee who has a mature attitude towards the whole proposal thing.

I’m sure your future husband is going to be pretty happy with what he hears.

Post # 5
557 posts
Busy bee

we didn’t have a specific discussion about what i wanted out of a proposal, but he knew me well enough to know that an “instagram proposal” is not what i wanted.  i’m a pretty private person, and he knew i would want it to be private, just the two of us, and not in a public place.  friends tried to talk him into hiring a photographer and he apparently told them (correctly) that i would not like that. 

it sounds like your guy also knows that’s what you want.  if you guys are chatting about your future or your engagement, you can mention what you’ve stated here.  but i wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Post # 6
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2021


I get you and feel the exact same regarding expectations. We’ve joked about it some and I’ve found little ways to mention I wouldn’t want anything big or crazy. It sounds like you have also made some comments and I bet he knows you well enough to not go over the top?

If you really are worried, I agree with others who said to just straight up let him know! I could see my guy doing it when we are out on a nice date or something, but don’t see him coming up with any sort of elaborate plan, haha.

And sure, I love some stories I hear, such as my friend’s husband hiking up a mountain the night before their planned sunrise hike just to hide a cooler of champagne and strawberries in the bushes so he could propose right at sunrise on the mountain… but I know my boyfriend tends to be simpler and I’m fine with that. When I DO share stories with him of things my friends or their partners have done, he gets a half-joking panicked look and says “Don’t expect that!!” and I tell him DUH of course I don’t.

Another friend’s boyfriend made a whole slideshow of photos from their first year (complete with music) with candles spelling out Love (or something) and a whole romantic set up with rose petals…. and that was just for their 1 year anniversary! And that’s not us. -shrug-

You got this!

Post # 7
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

View original reply
gatsbygirl :  I’m in the same boat. I actually was previously engaged a number of years ago, and he proposed in a restaraunt, it was a complete and total suprise. I hate being the center of attention, and I was a little uncomfortable.

My SO spilled the beans, and was going to propose at a fancy restaraunt on my birthday in March, but he has now changed plans now that he told me. I’ve hinted that I would love it just at home with our girls present. He doesn’t know where my previous engagement took place. Whenever it happens, I will be thrilled. Ive dropped my hints of my preferences, but it is in hands, and I will eagerly say heck yes no matter how he does it!

Good luck, and can’t wait to hear how yours happens!!! So exciting!!

Post # 8
2735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I told my fiancé I’d prefer it to be a moment with very few other people around, and we both definitely wanted a couple of days to enjoy just the two of us before sharing the news with family and friends. The only hint I gave him as to it being a memorable occasion was to keep in mind that everyone would be asking for the proposal story, so to consider what he wanted the moment to sound like to other people when he repeated it. He thought that was great insight that he wouldn’t have considered without me mentioning it, and the proposal turned out to be perfect. Nothing super grand, very private, but still a really special moment in a special place, with enough “wow!” to make a good story. 

Post # 9
753 posts
Busy bee

Just tell him what you want and examples of what you consider low key. I told my husband I just didn’t want anything public like in a restaurant or something. 

Post # 10
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I think it’s a good idea to tell him what you prefer he wouldn’t do.  Otherwise I think letting him do his thing is a good route. As the proposer, I was so damn nervous and I was at home in my pajamas.  Even though I knew he was expecting it soon and that he’d be excited my heart was pounding the whole time. It would have been so much worse if I’d been worried about doing it a certain way! As the woman I had no idea how much pressure a proposa was until I did it myself!  Guys do not get near enough credit.

Post # 11
262 posts
Helper bee

If you feel he still needs some guidance, on one of your low-key nights at home, just have a frank conversation. “I know I’ve mentioned x, y, z in passing but I wanted to make sure you know that I’m serious and not down-playing what I want.” 

I had a very low-key at-home proposal that was exactly what I wanted. My SO and I had more than one conversation about future, rings, proposals, etc. We were a part of a friend’s public proposal which was amazing and perfect for them, but not my style. I simply told him that. See if you can find examples in your life of what you’d be comfortable taking inspiration from and what you would consider a “nope”.

Post # 12
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I just told my husband I’d say no if he tried to propose in a big public way haha. Any time it came up on TV or in person (we saw someone get engaged at a ball game once) Id be like ya, don’t do that. He knows I don’t like being the centre of attention that way, and ended up proposing in a park on a walk near our house. Low key, everyday event, it was great. To be fair, he’s not much of a planner so I wasn’t super worried he would come up with something elaborate haha. 

Post # 13
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My only stipulation was that it would be just us. No family, no restaurant with other people, etc. He ended up doing a pretty elaborate proposal, but it was still just us and it was perfect.

Post # 14
349 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gatsbygirl :  We just had an honest conversation. I told him straight up I didn’t want to be proposed to in front of a ton of people. He told me he knew that and he wouldn’t want to do that either. He proposed to me on a mountain top, in a spot where nobody was around. It was better than I could have imagined. I honestly feel if your partner knows you, they’ll know what you do and don’t like and plan accordingly. I never worried that my fiancé would try to do something over the top, because we’re not those kinds of people. 

Also note I told him to do propose how he wanted to, so long as we weren’t in a crowded area.

Post # 15
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
gatsbygirl :  I told my now husband that I only had 3 requests (must haves, really). He had to ask my dad for his blessng, he had to get down on one knee and it had to be something fitting to us as a couple/family. He asked my dad, he got on one knee (on the swim deck of our boat, our first significant purchase together) and asked me to marry him at our favorite beach in front of our 2 daughters and a few of our best friends. It was perfectly us and very low key! 

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