(Closed) Proposal gone bad – please help.

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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TheGridMonster :  I’ll say that I’d seriously question the whole relationship. You just don’t seem very happy with this guy and life is too short to wait and hope for people to change. 

OP, I agree 100% with this. I am divorced and in another long-term committed relationship now. I had been with my exH from ages 17 to 32. I adore him, he’s a completely wonderful person – but I can so strongly relate to the built-up resentment that you feel from your guy talking the big talk and NEVER walking the walk. My exH was the same way. It doesn’t change, and your resentment at him for not following through on his talk / commitments only grows. If your guy is anything like mine, he believes so strongly what he’s saying that it’s not like he’s lying to you – he’s lying to himself! My ex was honest to a fault and such a good, sincere person, so it was a long process to eventually realize that this was just him, he’s never going to have his shit together and do all of those things. The resentment I felt was unfair and very unpleasant for both of us. Ultimately I am so thankful that our marriage ended, so that I no longer have to feel that way and that he doesn’t have to be the target of it  

So, point being: people don’t change. This is who he is. He talks a big game and doesn’t follow through. And every single time that happens, it will be exponentially more frustrating and disappointing to you because of your history with it. I reccomend thinking very hard about whether you both can live like that forever. In the end, we couldn’t.

Post # 62
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I didn’t read all the responses.  But, I think its worth thinking about that he does not seem to follow through on stuff that he says he will.  That could be a problem.  Is he only saying things you want to hear can had no intention on following through ever?

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