- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I’m having trouble maybe ‘letting go’ and need some advice. Last year my partner proposed to me, but it wasn’t romantic or thought out. It was basically a last resort after I had found photographic evidence that he had kinda cheated on me.
It’s a complicated story, and is just the icing on an already large cake of diasters in our relationship that would take forever to write out but includes lies concerning drug use, lies concerning the living arrangement, two housemates who wanted me out and worked hard to get me out, and him literally breaking my knee in a skiing/snowboarding accident that has taken me a year to rehabilitate and will take another year (ACL tear), not mention my own homesickness from moving to the other side of the world for him and leaving my own friends and famiy behind.
He was crying and upset when he asked and I felt really guilty and said yes, but couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone about it. I told him he had to redo the proposal, put some thought and effort into it, and buy me an actual ring.
The redo, I ended up having to plan because he never did it, and then that night another disaster struck, where his friend’s sister called up and told him a bunch of stuff about how I was a terrible person and everyone he knew hated me, (all because we kicked the father of her child out of the house due to his drug and alcohol abuse, not too mention verbal abuse concerning me and not paying rent).
I was upset and angry with him, because I had to plan something that he should have planned, and he asked me as a last resort because he didn’t want to lose me after I had had enough when I found the pictures. We’ve talked about everything that has happened and gone to therapy to work through our issues to make sure we understand where we are both coming from and working together rather than hurting each other.
So it’s been almost a year, and I’m still waiting for a real redo that he’s put thought and effort into. It doesn’t need to be fantastic with fireworks or anything like that, I just want something that isn’t tainted with cheating and having to deal with ex housemates psychotic baby mamma drama. I just want something where he shows that he loves me and wants to be with me. People know we are engaged and planning the wedding. I’m not looking for a story to tell, I just want something he’s put effort into to show me that I am the one he wants to marry.
But I also don’t want to be the ungrateful Fiance whose partner’s proposal ‘wasn’t good enough’ because that isn’t really the case. I don’t have a dream proposal, I just want something that a little bit of thought went into that can help me move past all the awful things.
Should I just let it go and move on?