(Closed) Proposal looming?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

cmsgirl:  Some of you bees prompted me to go look at the other threads… I hear ya!


Kacey23:  It sounds like you need to sit back and relax. Just slow it down. To come right out of a relationship with someone you thought was the one to jump right into a new relationship and now think he’s proposing is moving very quickly. Stop, breathe, take a step back, evaluate. Are you really ready fo this? You coming here and asking the bees, saying you know you’re in love. maybe you are in love, but just because you’re in love does not mean you are ready for marriage. Let your love grow, enjoy your time together. Do not allow guilt force you into a marriage. Clearly having sex is something you feel guilty about, yet this is not your first partner? You seem pretty religious, which is causing guilt, but you miss church for him? You both allow your urges to take over and you have sex (which really is a quite normal part of life) but you allow the fact that you had sex with him to lead to a discussion of becoming engaged, so what happened with your previous partner? You did not rush into an engagement because you were sexually active. There are clearly concerns you have over this relationship, but you want to rush into a marriage?

If I was your friend, or your parents, I would not be happy either. Take a minute for yourself. Enjoy life. Slow it down. My Fiance wanted to be engaged a year in, and I told him that I wanted to wait and not rush things since this is a MAJOR life decision. Here we are 3.5 years into our reltaionship with less than a year till the wedding. If it’s meant to be, you’ll still be together in another year. Why not wait until then?

Post # 17
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

cmsgirl:  Yes.  That is perfect on so many levels.

Post # 18
4242 posts
Honey bee

This is a terrible idea. 

Post # 19
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Chill girl!!!

Post # 21
733 posts
Busy bee

Then there’s no reason not to wait. If a relationship is meant to stand the test of time, you don’t need to rush in to marriage.

Post # 22
1610 posts
Bumble bee

Kacey23:  I think you need to slow down! Way too soon to be getting engaged and thinking about marrying next year. You haven’t known him long enough to know him well and inside out.

Just last year you thought your ex was the one. It sounds like your rebounding, your pushing for it to happen. You don’t even sound certain he’s the one, just that you wish that he is and trying to push it in that directly. 

And yes it is important that your friends and family get along with him, not the be all and end all but it’s good to have your support network. It’s important to listen to their reasons, they are most likely only looking out for you. 

Post # 23
2699 posts
Sugar bee

Kacey23:  That’s because he loves and wants you! The question is will he love and want you forever and ever until the end of time? I don’t think you’ve been together long enough or have the tools to figure that out so soon. Sometimes things DO move quickly – I was engaged in 6 WEEKS but we didn’t dare walk down that aisle until we were 100% certain it was the right thing to do.

Post # 25
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

cmsgirl:  My thoughts exactly.

I’m tapping out. I just can’t with OP anymore.

OP, I wish you luck – you’re going to need it.

Post # 26
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Kacey23:  every guy is different from every guy! 

 really hard to get excited for someone who is making bad decisions for themselves. 

Post # 27
543 posts
Busy bee

What’s the rush? Take it slow and enjoy your relationship.

Post # 28
286 posts
Helper bee

Kacey, girl, you’re not even listening to the responses on the board – why are you still asking?

You broke up with your ex, who you were convinced was ‘the one’, in January. You only just started dating this guy in March. An engagement now will simply end in tears. 

Post # 29
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Kacey23:  I would hope you feel loved and wanted when you’re with him, that’s how you should feel when dating someone. But just because you feel that way right now does not mean you should be jumping into getting engaged. I would hope he’s different from your ex, we break up with exes for a reason. And of course you’re in love, because you’ve only been together for a few short months.

You have rose colored lenses on and you’re not seeing things clearly at all. Take your time, there shouldn’t be any rush if he is “the one” because he’s not going anywhere if thats the case. I knew my fiancé was the one a few months into dating, and he knew I was the one literally the moment he laid eyes on me. But we dated for 3 years before getting engaged! 3 years, not 3 months. We wanted to be so sure about our choices. We live together, we’ve gone through tremendous hardships, we can be our best and ugliest selves around each other. 

Have you seen this guy at his absolute worst? Has he seen you at yours? Can you be 100% confident and yourself around him? Have you guys talked about any of the big things before getting engaged? Do you know if he wants kids? What are his religious views? Does he prefer cinnamon toothpaste over mint? What are his quirks? His little flaws? How does he handle his money? What’s his family situation like? Have you met his family, and what do they think of you? What are his aspirations 10 years from now? Have you guys worked out disagreements yet? Have you fought? Can you answer any of these with extreme confidence in your answer, without having to ask him to give you the answer? 

If I was being totally honest, if he proposes to you and you say yes this early on, I would be very disappointed. Your posts are always about finding yourself, because you have no idea who you are yet. You are not ready for marriage, and it is a divorce waiting to happen in my opinion if you were to dive right in.

And for once, please listen to the ladies on this board who give you the answers you ask for. If you really can’t even read them and take them to heart, then I don’t know why you keep asking for advice.

Post # 30
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

stop trying to convince yourself that every guy you have sex with is “the one”. 

I’m not conservative about sex at all, but in your case I would advocate for taking a break from sex, and maybe even from dating, for awhile until you mature and figure out who you are. 

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