(Closed) Proposal looming?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Kacey23:  Here’s the thing — love by itself is absolutely NOT enough to sustain a relationship.  Everyone thinks their love is unique and special within the first few months of dating…and we all GET the kind of “love” you’re talking about.  Love and marriage work when you are on the same page as each other with every major thing.  It’s when you can build a life together.  A life cannot be built on lust and physical attraction which is still what you are feeling right now.

Know that we also are not saying all this to make you feel bad.  MANY of us have read your previous posts and have seen so many glaring red flags in your relationships.  We mean well and we want to help, but girl it is INSANELY frustrating when we write out these well-intentioned responses and you reply with “but I love him and he’s so different from my ex!”  You are hearing from dozens and dozens and DOZENS of women, many who actually understand what you are feeling and what you are going through.  Yet…you continue to just plug away and ignore all advice you get.

Post # 32
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Serious question: do you have any kind of mental/emotional/learning disability? Something seems off in all of your posts, and I hope that you’re not being taken advantage of. 

Post # 33
Member
6434 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

He asked you to marry him after the first time the two of you had sex, probably because you both felt guilty. That was after one month of knowing him. 

Then there is your (or your BF’s) seeming preoccupation with public sex – you’ve posted threads about sex in public, being walked in on, your Boyfriend or Best Friend witnessing his babysitter having sex, a friend hearing her roomate having sex, teachers having sex with students, a radio contest, etc. 

Perhaps all those things are real or genuine conerns of yours. But you are basically obsessed with sex to the point that you dwell on it in an unhealthy manner, IMO. Having sex with someone a month after meeting them is not a reason to immediately get engaged or get married. Take a break from relationships and sex and figure yourself out. Your religion, parents, friends and Boyfriend or Best Friend are all pulling you in different directions, and you cannot seem to figure out who is right. I suggest forgetting about them ALL until you and you alone can figure out what’s right for YOU.

Post # 34
Member
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Either stop feeling guilty about having sex or stop having it. Getting engaged because you both feel guilty about having sex is batshit insane. 

And why in the ever living fuck do you keep posting threads asking for advice you won’t take? 

You are NOT ready for marriage, you are barely ready for a relationship. 

Post # 37
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Kacey23:  I will say it again: you are not ready to get engaged OR married.  Your obsession with sex is clouding your vision of what makes a healthy relationship.

Post # 38
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

ljm308:  why bother commenting at this point? She’s constantly begging for help, but ignores everything anyone ever posts, and picks the tiniest phrases to respond to, in such a way it looks like she’s considering making changes….but she continues posting all these threads!

This reminds me of classes in school where you hear a scenario and then have discussion topics/questions afterwards. I can’t quite put my finger on it…but something is very wrong with this person posting.

Post # 39
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you guys should slow down and just have fun/get to know eachother/date/hang out, whatever. I do think you should stop having sex for a while. I think it’s making you move too fast in your relationship and you could potentially be seeing more than what’s really there.

Oh, and please set aside some you time. Take a walk. Window shop. Take yourself out to lunch somewhere fancy and read a book. Anything, just do it alone. I think this is super important, especially if you’re feeling lost. I’ve been there and I think most people do feel lost from time to time. That’s ok! Just slow yourself down before it’s too late. 

Post # 40
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

I feel as if there is a troll in our midst and nobody noticed.

A cycle of attention and dismissal of advice.

And all the talk about sex.

Post # 41
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Kacey23:  Graduating from what?  Tell me you mean college and not HS, because it sounds like HS if you are losing your virginity in a parking lot.  

Post # 42
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

There is so much more to the decision to marry someone than “being in love” and “he is so different than my ex” but I have a feeling I could type until my fingers fall off and you won’t care or take any of it into account. Your are your own worst enemy at this point.

Post # 43
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

Before my Fiance and I became engaged, I obsessed over it. My obsession hurt our relationship because I put so much pressure on him. It will happen when he is ready; he might be holding off for economic reasons, but my guess is that he’s not ready because we have been together for three seconds. Enjoy getting to know one another and grow as partners before you think about marriage. 

 

Please don’t forget there is a huge difference between having a wedding and having a marriage. 

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