Proposal, no proposal

posted 5 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I would read Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan. He has helpful tips on how to get your SO to propose. I think it’s odd that he asked if you would marry him a year ago but has taken no initiative to actually do it. You mentioned that he has the approval of daughter, mom, and sister, but no mention of the approval of the son. I wonder if he is waiting to have his approval before he proposes?

Post # 4
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I am so confused. Why is he trying to ask everyone in your family for your hand? Isn’t your own agreement to marriage enough? Very strange. 

Post # 5
Member
10664 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

spiderwoman92 :  

Bee, there is only one path to resolution here.  Talk to the man.  We can all speculate till the cows come home and you’ll be no closer to having an answer than you were yesterday.

Plots, schemes, covert ops, theories, and alternate hypotheses are absurd. 

Relationship goals are; ideally, an ongoing topic in a healthy adult relationship.

Somehow, things got stalled out here. Thus far, your bf has not said anything that closes any doors. Nor has he said anything that makes any particular sense.

Bringing up your feelings and what you need is nothing close to an ultimatum.  Those are not bad things anyway.  They have a bad rap around here, but that’s only because they’re so misunderstood.

Talk to your bf, Bee. Be open.  Be honest.  Be authentic.

Post # 6
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

spiderwoman92 :  Im sorry but what grown mature man needs his mommy’s approval and his sisters approval to marry someone? What?!! His sister is so “important” that you haven’t even met her yet? Yeah I call bullshit on all of this. People important in his life you would have met by now. If you haven’t met them after 2 years? Then sorry but they aren’t that important in his life. 

I say you just say it straight to him. ” I would like to be engaged by the end of this Summer, If you want me in your life than I know you will make that happen.” If Fall comes and no proposal? Maybe its time to go date someone else bee. 

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Yes, talking is all good, but this one will be tricky. If she asks why he hasn’t proposed, he will say that he already did.

Asking “approval” (or God forbid, “permission”) from relatives is a red herring. It’s not a requirement. If you sense that he’s wasting time asking every one of your individual family members, let him know that their opinion doesn’t matter to you.

I think it’s also worth discussing if you even want a ring or not. Usually that’s not what holds men back, but it’s worth a shot to help steer his next move.

Post # 9
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

spiderwoman92 :  WTF? If he’s so unsure then I’d ask him why he proposed to you in the first place? Call his bluff. It’s been a year. I’d tell him that if he really doesn’t want to take his proposal back, then you expect him to announce your engagement tonight to BOTH of your families. Now’s his big chance to “not take it back”. If he’s not willing to come out of the closet about your relationship, then it’s clear he doesn’t actually want to get married, and is willing to pussyfoot and jerk you around, for the sake of appeasing his family. 

Sorry if that comes off harsh bee, but I’m so angry when I read about bees getting pushed around like this. He needs to get his head out of his ass and be honest about what he is doing here. 

Post # 11
Member
8308 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well then, what are you going to do about it? He proposed, somewhat aggressively ( maybe anxiously?) a full year ago and it is still in this strange unresolved state. 

What pps have said about needing his entire family to approve of you, but making no attempts to have you meet half of them is surely unacceptable to you. Frankly l’d find it insulting to be subject to this kind of of appraisal process. 

Step out of your passive and insecure position and ask straight up what he wants, having first  clearly pointed out what you want . Accept no more prevarication, be calm and firm. If the answers you get are unacceptable to you, then you have a decision to make. Stay in this limbo for however long you can bear it. Or move on. 

 

 

spiderwoman92 :  

Post # 12
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I guess I’m just confused like other Bees. 

Why does he need to ask multiple people to marry you? I totally get speaking with the girl’s parents or close family. But he doesn’t need to ask multiple people? Unless I’m missing a cultural aspect? 

I would sit down and ask what his progress is. It’s cruel to leave you on edge if he made it sound like he was ready to propose. 

Post # 13
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

Doesn’t sound serious or ready to me!

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