Post # 1
After me and my boyfriend had been together a year, one night while we were spending alone time together he looked at me and asked “will you marry me” there was no ring, just the question. I said are you really proposing he said just answer the question and I said I’m not answering it unless this is a real proposal. He continued to ask and said yes this is a real proposal. I said you already know the answer is yes. I was elated and wanted to tell my best friend. He said well I don’t want to say anything until i can afford a ring. I was a little crushed. So the next day I asked since you don’t want me saying anything do you want to take it back he said no. So I didn’t say anything. Fast forward it was never mentioned again until a year later and I say I think we need to discuss it because it’s been a year, his finances were good he had received a promotion and 3 raises so I knew the I can’t afford a ring was no longer an issue. He said well I’m scared things will change between us how can you be so sure, I said I just know. He said well I also really want my daughter’s, my mom, and my sisters approval of you too. He said you already have my mom’s and daughter’s, now just my sister’s. I have never met her because she lives in another state and is fighting cancer. He also wanted to ask my son’s approval since my dad is deceased. I left it at that. That was June of 2018. In October of 2018 he said you have my sister’s approval although you haven’t met her just by conversation she approves of you. So here I sit in May of 2019 no ring, no mention of proposal, no more wedding talk only comments to the future of “us” I love that he uses “us” when talking about the future, but at the same time I feel hurt and wonder why he hasn’t mentioned or proposed. Some days I feel it’s never going to happen. I don’t want to bring it up again since a year ago he knew I had questions because I don’t want a propal out of feeling he has an ultimatum. I love him but I also wonder if he loves me like he says why would he put me through this. Any takes on this would be great.
Post # 2
I would read Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan. He has helpful tips on how to get your SO to propose. I think it’s odd that he asked if you would marry him a year ago but has taken no initiative to actually do it. You mentioned that he has the approval of daughter, mom, and sister, but no mention of the approval of the son. I wonder if he is waiting to have his approval before he proposes?
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
I am so confused. Why is he trying to ask everyone in your family for your hand? Isn’t your own agreement to marriage enough? Very strange.
Post # 5
Bee, there is only one path to resolution here. Talk to the man. We can all speculate till the cows come home and you’ll be no closer to having an answer than you were yesterday.
Plots, schemes, covert ops, theories, and alternate hypotheses are absurd.
Relationship goals are; ideally, an ongoing topic in a healthy adult relationship.
Somehow, things got stalled out here. Thus far, your bf has not said anything that closes any doors. Nor has he said anything that makes any particular sense.
Bringing up your feelings and what you need is nothing close to an ultimatum. Those are not bad things anyway. They have a bad rap around here, but that’s only because they’re so misunderstood.
Talk to your bf, Bee. Be open. Be honest. Be authentic.
Post # 6
spiderwoman92 : Im sorry but what grown mature man needs his mommy’s approval and his sisters approval to marry someone? What?!! His sister is so “important” that you haven’t even met her yet? Yeah I call bullshit on all of this. People important in his life you would have met by now. If you haven’t met them after 2 years? Then sorry but they aren’t that important in his life.
I say you just say it straight to him. ” I would like to be engaged by the end of this Summer, If you want me in your life than I know you will make that happen.” If Fall comes and no proposal? Maybe its time to go date someone else bee.
Post # 7
Yes, talking is all good, but this one will be tricky. If she asks why he hasn’t proposed, he will say that he already did.
Asking “approval” (or God forbid, “permission”) from relatives is a red herring. It’s not a requirement. If you sense that he’s wasting time asking every one of your individual family members, let him know that their opinion doesn’t matter to you.
I think it’s also worth discussing if you even want a ring or not. Usually that’s not what holds men back, but it’s worth a shot to help steer his next move.
Post # 8
radiancebee : I can’t tell if this was posted in earnest or not…..
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2019 - USA
spiderwoman92 : WTF? If he’s so unsure then I’d ask him why he proposed to you in the first place? Call his bluff. It’s been a year. I’d tell him that if he really doesn’t want to take his proposal back, then you expect him to announce your engagement tonight to BOTH of your families. Now’s his big chance to “not take it back”. If he’s not willing to come out of the closet about your relationship, then it’s clear he doesn’t actually want to get married, and is willing to pussyfoot and jerk you around, for the sake of appeasing his family.
Sorry if that comes off harsh bee, but I’m so angry when I read about bees getting pushed around like this. He needs to get his head out of his ass and be honest about what he is doing here.
Post # 10
Post # 11
Well then, what are you going to do about it? He proposed, somewhat aggressively ( maybe anxiously?) a full year ago and it is still in this strange unresolved state.
What pps have said about needing his entire family to approve of you, but making no attempts to have you meet half of them is surely unacceptable to you. Frankly l’d find it insulting to be subject to this kind of of appraisal process.
Step out of your passive and insecure position and ask straight up what he wants, having first clearly pointed out what you want . Accept no more prevarication, be calm and firm. If the answers you get are unacceptable to you, then you have a decision to make. Stay in this limbo for however long you can bear it. Or move on.
Post # 12
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
I guess I’m just confused like other Bees.
Why does he need to ask multiple people to marry you? I totally get speaking with the girl’s parents or close family. But he doesn’t need to ask multiple people? Unless I’m missing a cultural aspect?
I would sit down and ask what his progress is. It’s cruel to leave you on edge if he made it sound like he was ready to propose.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2020 - City, State
Doesn’t sound serious or ready to me!