Proposal season & a relative's surprise proposal while I'm still waiting (vent)

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

anonymousbeeing :  Awwwww that’s rough. I’m sorry to hear that. Your time will come, don’t worry. Once you get your proposal, the wait will be all worth it <3

Post # 3
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh come on.  You’re upset because your relative didn’t have to “wait”???  Seriously what the hell do you know about their relationship?  FOR ALL YOU KNOW they probably have been talking about it leading up to the holidays.  Stop making assumptions about a relationship that is not yours.

And OF COURSE your family is going to talk about it over Christmas!  That’s what families do.  That candle thing admittedly I find chintzy and kind of dumb.  I mean good that he put effort into it but that sounds really (and I mean REALLY) cheesy.  Right up there with hiding the ring in a piece of cake and the girl almost chokes on it cheesy.

Coming from someone who is married, engagement and marriage aren’t the magical time society plays it up to be.  Both can be stressful.  Don’t get me wrong I love my husband and I love the comfort of being married to him, but it is also challenging.  More than I could have expected.  So enjoy your relationship.  Enjoy the holidays.  And for the love of all things holy, let it GO.

Post # 4
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I know what it’s like to want something, and have it come easily to someone else while you’re left waiting. You’ve done what’s best – have a little cry to get all your emotions out, feel happy for your relative – it’s not her fault that she’s engaged before you – and remember that your time will come, and when it does, someone else might be jealous of you. 

Post # 6
365 posts
Helper bee

He bought her a $30ish charmed aroma sort of candle instead of an engagement ring? That’s….interesting. 

Post # 8
1484 posts
Bumble bee

Awe I totally understand. I’m not really ‘expecting’my proposal for another year but still really depressed at all the christmas proposals this year. Sigh.  And they are all so perfect as well like your relatives .:(. Why not me? Why not us? I guess we just have to wait

Post # 10
1184 posts
Bumble bee

anonymousbeeing :  Fair do, I imagine if you’re waiting it’s hard to hear other people getting engaged. 

But feeling it’s unfair that your relative doesn’t have to wait is silly.

Example. Darling Husband proposed to me out of the blue and it was a total surprise. I’d never discussed ring or proposals with him (other than laughing at massive showy rings). BUT we had loosely agreed a time frame of about 3 to 5 years earlier as and when it came up. We knew we both wanted it but I wasn’t fussed on rings proposal stories. To the outside it probably seems like Daisy didn’t have to wait. Darling Husband apologised to a friend jokingly because we knew the next step for friend would be his Girlfriend going ‘Daisy and Mr Daisy are getting married. She doesn’t care and gets a ring why can’t you just propose to me when you know I really want it?’ The reality was we had discussed it loosely and I simply wasn’t a ‘waiting’ Girlfriend obsessed with getting the ring 

TLDR- Looking from the outside you have no idea what’s gone into a proposal or relationship so being upset is silly.

Post # 11
52 posts
Worker bee

Aww, I’m sorry you felt upset at Christmas but I think you’re handling it well. It’s okay to feel sad or disappointed, as long as you’re not dwelling on it too much. No need to compare your relationship to others as that can only bring pain to you. Good on you for keeping a positive attitude around your relative. I’m sure she appreciates the support. Chin up, your time will come soon,  especially since you already have a timeline! 🙂 

Post # 13
484 posts
Helper bee

Even if they never talked about marriage or proposals or weddings, she still could have been waiting and wondering.  Since they’ve been together a long time and are looking to buy a house together, she may have been thinking about it and wondering if he would ever propose, but didn’t want to bring it up to him.  People don’t always admit stuff like that when they tell you about their engagement. 

In any case, it’s natural to feel disappointed and a little jealous, but it seems you’re handling it well.  It’s ok to feel your feelings, just don’t dwell on it too much and it will pass. 

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