Post # 1
(Hi bees! I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas or Chanukah is having a happy season. I’m a regular but I’m posting this undercover because part of this post mentions family.)
So like many here I am a waiting bee. I find proposal season and all the commercials and everything hard sometimes and this year it was even harder because a relative of mine got engaged just before Christmas. It was a total surprise and she wasn’t expecting it and all of my family members were talking about the proposal and how romantic it was. My relative and her boyfriend were having pizza and watching a sporting event on TV. Her boyfriend said there was a secret-Santa at his work and he got a candle. My relative did not know it, but the candle wasn’t actually from his work. Her boyfriend bought it himself and it was one of those candles that have a ring hidden in it. He got the idea from seeing them on Facebook, and he found a company where you can pick the ring size and guarantee that the ring will be either sterling silver or gold filled (instead of just costume jewellery). When the candle burned enough and the ring appeared my relative had no idea what it was.
My relative had no idea rings hidden in candles were a thing and her boyfriend played dumb at first. When she realized it was a ring she was like “huh?” and then he asked her the question while they were sitting on the couch. You can go online with a code and it will tell you about the metal and the stones and the appriasal value set by the company (although my relative would not care at all about the value). The ring is gold-filled and has colored CZ stones. It was a total coincidence because he didn’t get to choose the actual ring but the stones are blue like both of their birthstones and the month they are going to get married in. A jewler confirmed the ring is gold filled and CZ. Also, a week later she gave him a ring that she made in her father’s workshop. It’s a metal band that she cut and made and everything herself. She gave it to him by attaching it on a drone with a note and flying it to him when he didn’t know she was nearby. Neither of them are going to wear their rings day to day, she works in the emergency room and he works in all weather conditions with hydro and electricity, but for things like Christmas dinner they will wear the rings. The rings are also going to double as both wedding and engagement rings. The proposal was on the anniversary of the day they met and had their first coffee date and their wedding is going to be next December on their anniversary.
I admit that part of me was jealous of her proposal because she never had to wait, she wasn’t expecting it and she doesn’t even care about proposals or weddings (they are having a courthouse wedding in regular clothes with verbal invitations because they have no desire to plan a wedding).The only reason he knew her size was because all of us were going through my great-grandmother’s jewlery box after she moved into an assisted living home because she wanted us to have it and my relative is the same size as another relative who announced the number while we were trying on rings. I’ve had one cry in the bathroom but no one knows. I haven’t said anything to my boyfriend because there is a timeline and I know my time will come. I also didn’t say anything to my relative because she is happy. I have acted nothing but happy for her because I am, and I will happily help plan her shower or do anything she wants for her wedding if she asks for help, and I will attend the wedding and be happy for her on the day. But it was hard hearing all about it on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day while our family was together and staying at the same house. I am just posting her because I need to vent somewhere and I know you all can commiserate and understand. Thanks for listening.
Post # 2
anonymousbeeing : Awwwww that’s rough. I’m sorry to hear that. Your time will come, don’t worry. Once you get your proposal, the wait will be all worth it <3
Post # 3
Oh come on. You’re upset because your relative didn’t have to “wait”??? Seriously what the hell do you know about their relationship? FOR ALL YOU KNOW they probably have been talking about it leading up to the holidays. Stop making assumptions about a relationship that is not yours.
And OF COURSE your family is going to talk about it over Christmas! That’s what families do. That candle thing admittedly I find chintzy and kind of dumb. I mean good that he put effort into it but that sounds really (and I mean REALLY) cheesy. Right up there with hiding the ring in a piece of cake and the girl almost chokes on it cheesy.
Coming from someone who is married, engagement and marriage aren’t the magical time society plays it up to be. Both can be stressful. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband and I love the comfort of being married to him, but it is also challenging. More than I could have expected. So enjoy your relationship. Enjoy the holidays. And for the love of all things holy, let it GO.
Post # 4
I know what it’s like to want something, and have it come easily to someone else while you’re left waiting. You’ve done what’s best – have a little cry to get all your emotions out, feel happy for your relative – it’s not her fault that she’s engaged before you – and remember that your time will come, and when it does, someone else might be jealous of you.
Post # 5
blissfulheart : Thank you for the response and the kind words.
ljm308 : I know that she wasn’t waiting because she said multiple times that it was a complete surprise, that they never talked about being engaged or when he was going to propose, that he had never mentioned rings or wedding stuff and that she had no idea it was coming. He said that he loved her, he figured she loved him and they had been together for a long time so he decided to take a chance and ask. He didn’t tell anyone besides his best friend, he is a good guy and our family loves him but none of us knew he was planning on proposing. My relative had no clue.
I understand what you are saying and I am trying to let it go. I was just venting here because I don’t want to bring this up to my boyfriend or relative and suck away the joy and I needed an outlet. I realize this is my issue. I will take your advice and do my best to let it go. Thank you for responding, I appreciate it. (Also the proposal is not what I would have chosen either but my relative loved it and to her it was the best thing ever).
mishybear : Thanks for responding. Good point about my time coming and perhaps someone else feeling jealous. I would never want anyone to feel that way but that really puts it in perspective.
Post # 6
He bought her a $30ish charmed aroma sort of candle instead of an engagement ring? That’s….interesting.
Post # 7
MissEloise : Yes. Because they just saved up a down payment and are looking for a house, and because my relative can’t wear a ring at work, and isn’t a jewlery person anyways and wouldn’t be wearing it 99% of time time, he didn’t want to spend that much on a ring she would hardly wear. My relative is frugal and feels the same way, she wouldn’t know how to react to a traditional sort of engagement ring. She never gave any thought to engagement rings and she was so happy with the thought behind it. My family was joking that he knows her too well.
(It’s not what I would choose at all but they are both happy with it)
Post # 8
Awe I totally understand. I’m not really ‘expecting’my proposal for another year but still really depressed at all the christmas proposals this year. Sigh. And they are all so perfect as well like your relatives .:(. Why not me? Why not us? I guess we just have to wait
Post # 9
Peachytalk : Thank you, Peachytalk. I am sorry that you are in the same boat and I hope that you get your proposal and enjoy every second of it.
Post # 10
anonymousbeeing : Fair do, I imagine if you’re waiting it’s hard to hear other people getting engaged.
But feeling it’s unfair that your relative doesn’t have to wait is silly.
Example. Darling Husband proposed to me out of the blue and it was a total surprise. I’d never discussed ring or proposals with him (other than laughing at massive showy rings). BUT we had loosely agreed a time frame of about 3 to 5 years earlier as and when it came up. We knew we both wanted it but I wasn’t fussed on rings proposal stories. To the outside it probably seems like Daisy didn’t have to wait. Darling Husband apologised to a friend jokingly because we knew the next step for friend would be his Girlfriend going ‘Daisy and Mr Daisy are getting married. She doesn’t care and gets a ring why can’t you just propose to me when you know I really want it?’ The reality was we had discussed it loosely and I simply wasn’t a ‘waiting’ Girlfriend obsessed with getting the ring
TLDR- Looking from the outside you have no idea what’s gone into a proposal or relationship so being upset is silly.
Post # 11
Aww, I’m sorry you felt upset at Christmas but I think you’re handling it well. It’s okay to feel sad or disappointed, as long as you’re not dwelling on it too much. No need to compare your relationship to others as that can only bring pain to you. Good on you for keeping a positive attitude around your relative. I’m sure she appreciates the support. Chin up, your time will come soon, especially since you already have a timeline! 🙂
Post # 12
DaisyBlossom : Congratulations on your engagement, and thank you for your response.
I know that I can’t know what is going on in someone else’s relationship, but my relative has said multiple times that the proposal was out of the blue, that they never talked about engagements or weddings and that there was no timeline. Her boyfriend said he decided to take a chance and ask her but there was no discussion beforehand about an engagement or a wedding. So this is how I know she didn’t have to wait, based on what they have both said multiple times.
lilacina : Thanks for the response, and the kind words. They are appreciated.
Post # 13
Even if they never talked about marriage or proposals or weddings, she still could have been waiting and wondering. Since they’ve been together a long time and are looking to buy a house together, she may have been thinking about it and wondering if he would ever propose, but didn’t want to bring it up to him. People don’t always admit stuff like that when they tell you about their engagement.
In any case, it’s natural to feel disappointed and a little jealous, but it seems you’re handling it well. It’s ok to feel your feelings, just don’t dwell on it too much and it will pass.