(Closed) Proposal talk….:(

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry he didn’t give you any firm dates. It does sound like he really wants to get married though, so that’s a good thing!

I just don’t understand what’s with guys not wanting to get engaged, but being completely ready for marriage….

Post # 4
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Trust me, guys are weird. I was in EXACTLY the same position you were. I had to tell him, if you want to be married by this time next year, and I am not engaged, it ain’t happening. I NEED time to plan something. You just don’t get up and go. That set him up straight. Um, I didn’t get a proposal immidiately after that tho’ πŸ™

Post # 5
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My FH and I talked for almost 2yrs about getting engaged and married and our wedding before we actually did.. it was SO frustrating. It sounds like you are pretty much engaged and just waiting for the ring, which is ok! It will come, especially since he really seems so gung-ho about getting married and you guys have even picked a potential date. I agree that guys can be incredibly WEIRD when it comes this kind of thing; I think they stress out more about money/taking care of you/providing for you and a future family. Chin up, lady, and I hope it comes soon!

Post # 7
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Have you thought about just going ahead and picking a date?  When I was waiting for my Fiance to propose I picked a date (on my own, not telling him, although he knew in a broad sense when) and started stealthily planning from there.  That made me a little more secure about the planning thing.

After my Fiance proposed he told me he’d had the ring for 6 weeks!  Those were the worst 6 weeks ever, too.  I don’t know what the hell they’re thinking sometimes!

Post # 8
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Men like to fix things, or offer solutions to fix things. They love it when they think something is their idea. Give him an ‘issue’ to fix. Say, this is the problem with our preferred wedding date: your vague timeline makes it impossible/improbable for that to happen. Lay it out for him, and tell him how much time it takes to plan a wedding and why. Venues need to be booked with ample time, dresses/tuxes have to be ordered in x amount of time, caterers need x amount of notice, etc etc etc. Tell him that if he wants to be married by such and such time, then the proposal needs to happen by x date. If not, then y’all will have to move your wedding date to futher in the future. I know, it hurts to even think, much less utter those words, but hopefully that reality will spur him to realize he needs to get his butt in gear!

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe he really wants the proposal to be special and a surprise?  Guys don’t suggest you go look at vendors unless they really want to get married, so you don’t have to doubt his seriousness.  I can imagine how incredibly frustrated you are, but try to be patient!  In the long run you’ll probably be happy to have the memory of being surprised when he went down on one knee and busted out the ring.

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

BACK OFF! 

I say this as kindly as I can. I was in exactly your situation. My fiance and I had looked on-line, watched wedding shows together, and had essentially decided on a winter wedding. We looked at venues and narrowed it down to three.  And then I started asking “why are we doing all this if we aren’t engaged?”  I got frustrated at times and then would keep asking.  My best friend (he’s male) says to me stop mentioning it and back off.  Pushing him only makes it worse.  So I just stopped asking.  I didn’t stop “on-line” planning though I figured why not make decisions if I can ahead of time.  November passed and then December and I remember getting upset again thinking we will never have time to get all of this stuff done if he wants to get married next winter.  I didn’t mention it to him though just complained to my BFF and my sis.  Then I thought maybe Valentine’s day and that passed too. I finally thought to myself if he doesn’t propose this year will I break up with him? My answer was no. He was the one I knew that.

One week later on Feb 20th we went to NYC and when we got to grand central station he handed me a card. He claimed he found it in his bag and it was suppose to be for V-day. It was so sweet and I started welling up. I looked over at him and there he was with an open ring box. He then asked “Well what do you say?” and was crying and laughed and said, “You didn’t ask me anything yet”. We giggled and he said “Please do me the honor of being my wife”

He was so nervous and it was so sweet. On our 4th date we went into the city (we’re from CT) and he told me that one day he would make me his wife. I remember thinking he was crazy, but that’s where he proposed, in that same spot.

Needless to say we are getting married this year 12-11-10.  We planned the whole thing needing just the 10 months.  Because we had decided on so many things already in the “pre-wedding” planning. We had all the majors done i.e. venue, florist, DJ, etc within a month. 

We had conversations later about what took him so long and he said because I kept asking he thought that proposing would never be a surprise. He didnt’ want to ring shop together or discuss how to get engaged he wanted to do it all on his own, so that I would have a sweet proposal story. πŸ™‚ Give him time and don’t pressure him. It was the best advice I ever got!

Post # 11
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

@mwitter80: Thank you for that πŸ™‚ What a sweet story! I think that is great advice for us “Waiting Bees” πŸ™‚ Hopefully we will have the same outcome soon!

Post # 13
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

And then you’ll feeling will be hurt. It will start a fight and perhaps ruin the relationship. If you are really OK with not having the ring than you wouldn’t be asking for a not proposing date. Be honest with yourself. Knowing won’t make it any better.

Post # 14
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

@mwitter80: That is a great story! Easier said than done though. I know all of us “waiting bess” will look back and have that encouraging spirit like you do. But right now it SUCKS especially when we know how long it takes to plan a wedding and when we want to get married.

My issue is I want a beach destination wedding (DW) if he proposed today we would have about 8 months. Which is perfect but everyday passes makes it harder to plan for next year and virtually impossible. I’ve pre-plan alot date, colors, venue (almost certain) and just ideas in general. This will be small and intimate but the guests need time and we need to start paying for things. It sounds selfish but I do not want to push the wedding back another year. Because Destination Wedding for us will have to be in the summer. We’ve been together 3 years already. And it will be 4 by the time the wedding comes (if it happens next summer). So adding another year making our relationship hit the 5 year mark before our wedding is out of the question for me. That’s two years before I can get prego and another year before our baby would arrive. UH UN!

I’ve stressed and stressed that after my birthday (in 2 wks) is toooo late and after the New Year is impossible for me to bear.  I don’t think I will be able to go into the New Year without a proposal!

Post # 16
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know how you feel.  I guess you could call me engaged without the ring.  We have a date, we have a place, but I do not have a ring on my finger.  I feel a little silly about booking a place without actually being engaged.  We knew we wanted a Fall 2011 wedding and there was only one weekend that would work.  So after he and my dad had ‘the talk’ we went forward with getting our venue.  However the boy is actually pushing to pick other things out, like the band, etc.  I’ve put a stop to anything else until there is some kind of hand jewlery πŸ™‚  All we can do is wait.  Don’t get me wrong, after some wine I have been known to ask how much longer and pitch a fit like a 5 year old.  Usually he just hands me some water and tells me its time to lay down.

I’m pretty sure your boy has it all figured out in his head just like mine.  Mine says he wants it to be special.  Apparently making is special is a lengthy process…blah!  During my wine induced outbursts, I have gotten that the month it will happen in ends in R.  I’m pretty sure i then starting complaining about how many ‘R’ months there are.

My point is, if he’s talking about it, he’s ready.  It just takes some times for them to get it how they want it.  I surprisingly think they are more into the details of the proposal than we give them credit for.

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