(Closed) Proposal then choose ring afterwards?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Mr TTR and I dated for 7 years before we were married.  We are both Encores, and had suffered thru horrible divorces so we were very much gun-shy… literally wondering if we’d ever find love again when we met… let alone think marriage.

Altho we did talk about it early on in our relationship when we were getting to know each other.  I asked him… “Would you ever marry again”… and he said… “It would have to be a really special girl”

When he asked me the same “What about you”… I said “Ya special indeed… not sure I could go thru that again, my trust has truly been shaken”

Fast forward 6 years… and I was very very sure that I knew this man 100%, he NEVER EVER made me feel awful about me (which my Ex had done a lot).  And I had no true doubts about US and our relationship.  I was extremely happy & comfortable.  BUT deep down, I was beginning to dream about being married again, making it official… and with us getting older (50s & 60s) more than a little concerned about the consequences of not being married legally (especially so as we travel alot to other countries… and altho Common Law Marriage exists in Canada… it doesn’t in many other places, including the USA)

So just before our 6th Dating Anniversary, I told him, that he needed to know I was ready.  I LOVED and TRUSTED him fully.  (the trust bit was huge, and he knew it).  And I shared my LIFE PLAN how I saw my life unfolding with him over the next 5, 10, etc years as we now approach retirement.

He was onboard.  He agreed the time had come.  He also told me (boy that he is) that he’d plan the Proposal / Engagement when the time was right.

As I knew it was going to happen, (and it was before I discovered WBee and how modern women handle such things… such as sending their guys pics of rings stats etc)… I told him flat out… I wanted the two of us to chose my ERing together when the time came, because I have funny fingers (short & stubby) and am rather particular about the rings I like / love.

He thought the request a bit odd… in so much as to his age, and the idea that the man always chooses the ring

BUT I told him, that in my first Marriage (circa 1980) that my Ex & I had chosen the ring together, and I had worn it happily for 20+ years.

Lol, I think this “cued” his competitive instinct… wanting to outdo my Ex, so altho he said it wasn’t what he was used to, we would shop together when the time was right

Honestly, I thought we’d shop together BEFORE he asked me.  Or that he’d ignore my request and just go out and buy me a ring on his own (I would have found a way to LOVE it if only because it came from him… and I’m not one to throw a gift back in a guy’s face… especially an ERing)

So I patiently waited thru the various holidays & special occasions for the next few months… BUT at the same time, I am a modern woman, so I wasn’t going to hang all my happiness on just waiting.  I truly was enjoying our relationship for what it was too in the moment (don’t cut off your nose to spite your face as they say)

Just over 4 months later, on our Easter Vacation Getaway to Myrtle Beach it happened.  We were heading out from our Condo for our Afternoon Walk on the beach.  He asked me very casually when we saw couple having Wedding Pics taken on the beach (they had obviously eloped)

He said “That looks like fun…”

I said “Really ?”

And he said “Ya you should look into it for the next time we are here”

(Knowing full well that we’d back just 9 months later for Christmas Vacation)

And so it was… a Non-Proposal without a Ring.

Lol, we started talking Wedding Elopement plans immediately on our walk… and I went out to puruse ERings the next day while he was golfing.

Then we looked together.

In all it took us 6 Weekends to find my ERing.

We are both very HAPPY that we didn’t buy while on holiday… or not the first ring we saw, or the first shop we visited (lots of pressure buying in Jewellery Stores).  And we took the time to educate ourselves on Diamonds.

In the end we got an incredible ring.  We call it OUR ERing… cause it represents truly the two of us.

When we found THE ONE, I honestly think I squealed… I certainly had a wide range of emotions that day… Giggles, incredible happiness, and tears of joy too.  It was an awesome day.

Two weeks later she was ready to be picked up having had the Feature Stone set etc.  He slipped on my finger in the Jewellery Store and gave me a kiss.

Then we called a bunch of friends and invited them out for a drink that night (didn’t tell em why) and announced / celebrated our Engagement.  It was FABULOUS

No Regrets !!

Hope this helps,


Post # 5
2354 posts
Buzzing bee

We haven’t had a ”proposal”, we simply discussed if getting married was something we would do, at first we said no, then we started joking about it and I understood my SO would actually like to marry me, then after thinking our options seriously, we simply asked each other : ”so, do we get married ?” and we both agreed. We went ring shopping for both of us, we didn’t want anything expensive, just a ring or band that would signify to others that we were into a committed relationship because we liked the social symbol it represented. He bought one for himself, and I bought mine. πŸ™‚

Post # 6
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@emmrr3: I discovered recently that this is how most if my family members got engaged. Dad proposed without a ring. Godfather too. Several uncles. It’s pretty common…. Or was I guess. 

Post # 7
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@emmrr3:  I wanted to be proposed to with a ring in a velvet box (and with him getting down on one knee) and after my now-fiance and I had been talking about our hypothetical wedding for a while I told him so. We went ring shopping a bit, but when it became clear I was so picky I might even need a custom ring, and my SO was worrying about picking the perfect ring for me, we decided he would propose with a whimsical, inexpensive ring.

He did, a couple months later, and it was perfect! I accidentally found out about when he was planning to do it a week in advance,  but he has anxiety and that made it so much better, because he could relax more knowing we were both prepared for it, and just focus on surprising me with details. πŸ™‚ We were leaving for a trip to San Francisco, where his brother lives, and he told me to separately pack a nice outfit and a casual one, so I knew we’d be staying in a hotel instead of on an air mattress in his brother’s basement.

The day came and he told me to be ready to go by 11am, and then he took me to a couple of places we had gone to on our first trip to San Francisco,  and told me what they meant to him, and then took me to a beautiful part of Golden Gate Park that we had never been to, and said he always wanted to go to new places with me, then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, with this beautiful dragon ring! We spent the afternoon doing touristy things, then went to our wonderful hotel room, which they upgraded for free! And he surprised me with room service chocolate strawberries and champagne πŸ™‚ Then we went to the most perfect restaurant for a late dinner. And that weekend I was able to celebrate with my family! And soon after I was able to get my dream engagement ring.

The ring he proposed with isn’t practical to wear every day but it actually fits better on my middle finger (we bought a terrible stand-in ring that fit the bill while I waited but turned my finger green lol) so sometimes I wear my engagement ring and proposal ring together πŸ™‚


Post # 8
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

For me the proposal was a complete surprise, he proposed without a ring in Cuba after 6ish years of dating and I was completely floored!

However I chose my ring once we arrived back home. I am so pleased that I got to choose the ring myself for a few reasons. 

1. The style I thought I liked by looking online was completely different to what I ended up loving.

2. I didn’t realise but I apparently have tiny hands (size 4) so any ring he would’ve chosen me with side stones probably would’ve been miles too big and not sized properly. 

3. It was a really lovely, exciting experience for us to choose together.

On a side note, my ring is due into the shop tomorrow after having to be specially made for me, we got engaged on 12th July! The wait has been killing me! 

Post # 9
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think that’s fine, if that’s how you guys roll.

We kept our engagment a secret for a few days after it happened, which I loved and would totally reccomend.Might be good to wait to announce until after you get the ring (because the immdiate response it “let me see the ring!”, it gets old fast)

In my case it’s a good thing he picked the ring…. if I got to choose my ring after, I seriously may have tried to get a Ring Pop (oh yum)
(fortunatley he did a good job without me, for obvious reasons hahaha)

Post # 13
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We designed the ring together after the proposal, and I’m thrilled that we did it that way! I did a little ring scouting before the proposal but ring shopping after we were engaged was much more romantic. All of the congratulations were so sweet and genuine!

I think having a ring all picked out before the proposal would make it feel a little less “real,” because to my feeling once you have decided to get engaged and bought a ring YOU ARE ENGAGED and then I wouldn’t feel like it was a genuine proposal so much as a formality. This is actually something I was upset about when I was “waiting” (I didn’t know waiting was a thing, then)– that knowing he was going to propose made it less special.

I loved picking it out together as an engaged couple. I would have been very unhappy to have been surprised with a ring I had no say in, and the “ringless” proposal didn’t bother me at all. It was perfect for us!

Post # 14
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You can do this any way you both want. Many people find a ring together after a proposal.

My husband had never been married before (I had) and was uncertain about proposal protocol. We chose ring ingredients together, sent them off to an out of town designer I’d found online and he discussed designs by photos online with my guy. My SO’s original thoughts couldn’t be translated into the ring as he’d hoped so he asked me for my thoughts on design.

We had to wait 6 months for the final product (the jeweler had 2 major accidents during that time). My DH firmly believed that he wanted the ring present for the proposal. Waiting was very frustrating.

Unbeknownst to me, the ring was delivered 2 days before we went away for a weekend to celebrate our third anniversary together. He proposed in the hotel room on our anniversary and I was shocked and thrilled. It all works, no matter which way you choose.

Post # 15
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We did the proposal first!!!  He proposed, and then we picked out a ring together.  It was nice, everyone was so happy to hear we were engaged while ring shopping.  I eventually got something off Etsy rather than a store, but it was nice and relaxing since the engagement was already on. 

Post # 16
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

He suprised me with the proposal and then we picked/purchased the ring the next day.  I don’t think it’s an issue, unless you’re someone who dreams of the whole, him on one knee with a ring in a box proposal idea.

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