(Closed) Proposal went great…but she thinks the ring is too small

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

People get worried about what others think. She sees how much her friends guys spent and wants to be proud to show it off. That being said- she needs to get over it ASAP -I would say if she didn’t like the style- then maybe a return would be appropriate because we all should like our ring. But quality costs money and maybe she has to wait for upgrade or pick simple band and show her this board – or at least our responses if that wont get you into too much trouble. I can tell u I wouldn’t care if he tied a string on me… But others words and opinions of that string would hurt me.

Post # 94
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Is she completely oblivious to the cost of diamonds?  She new the budget and the cost of the setting, so what was she expecting for the diamond with what was leftover?  She seems to want everything (fancy setting, big center stone) without compromising.  

It’s unfortunate that she acted happy about everything at first and wants something different.  You need to tell her again that there was a budget, and if she is unwilling to contribute to a ring she wants she has to choose between the intricate setting or the size of the stone.  Unless she wants a lower quality stone to be able to get more size for the price, but doesn’t sound like she would agree to that either.

If you wouldn’t be too upset if the ring was changed, I agree with PP that you let her pick out a ring knowing what the setting and diamond cost is while keeping it under the $4K budget.  Maybe that will give her a reality check for what these things cost.

Post # 95
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2006

Hi there,

I just wanted to say that I don’t think anything negative about your girlfriend or her attitude and I don’t think she loves you any less because she wants to sort out the ring. To be honest, it is hard to get the e ring right and for a lot of girls it is a journey. It is just that E ring is so different from all other rings, it is THE ring. But I agree with the views above that she should have made a choice between the setting and a diamond or you could have got a diamond first of a slightly bigger size, and then, say take 6 months to save up for a setting. Also it would have been wise to try and find a setting on line perhaps, and get a diamond separately from Blue Nile (or even go on Price Scope, they are great at diamond hunting advice) and then just set the stone at the local jewellrer. Overall, it would have been a much better value for money than high street jewelrers, as that is just day light robbery.

Post # 96
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If I had been given a $4000 ring budget, I would have been over the moon!!!  I had NO engagement ring,  and only got the ones I have now after 2 years of marriage and a child. The ruby was far less than a TENTHyour budget, and I traded my own old things for my Moissanite. With your budget, I would have gotten a solitaire. 

 

And no, my husband does not buy me other expensive jewellery. 

 

Diana

 

Post # 97
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@AverageTom99:  tell her you bought her the ring you could afford and she can either accept it or give it back and call off the engagement. You might also add that its unfortunate she feels she need to compete with her friends. 

She sounds immature and spoiled. Its no virtue that she was “honest” with you about her”feelings” nor do those feelings obligate you to capitulate to her demands.

Post # 99
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow, I’m sorry that you are in this situation.  I can’t say dump her, obviously you love her enough to want to marry her, but she has handled this situation poorly.  What upsets me the most is that you told her what the budget was beforehand and she essentially set you up for failure by not airing her concerns then or not educating herself enough to realize that she wouldn’t be happy.  That is not fair to you at all. 

I’m probably in the materialistic minority for feeling this way, but there were some rings I wouldn’t have been happy with and I knew this going in. Its a shitty way to approach engagement, but I wanted to love my ring and I knew that it was going to be expensive.  I also care a lot about my Fiance, didn’t want him to feel used, and didn’t want to hurt us financially at the beginning of us starting our life together.  But we talked about it and found a way to make it work.  Did it mean sacrifices on my part?  Of course.  It meant waiting longer to be engaged, covering some of his expenses like plane tickets for the holidays, more bills, and not taking the crazy trips I wanted or going out for fancy dinners or getting any other gifts for a long time.  It was worth it. 

I think it is ok for people to want what they want.  But you are a couple and should be working through your issues together. She had an opportunity to be an adult about things and address it.  She needs to contribute to the solution or learn to love it.

Post # 100
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@AverageTom99:  She’s shallow. Sorry. There is nothing wrong with that ring, and I think it’s beautiful. My ring was nowhere near $4,000 and I love it.

Post # 101
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@AverageTom99:  Good luck!  As some PPs have said, the “who has a bigger rock” mentality has a tendency to rear its head sometimes.  Personally, I think it’s a good thing that your Fiance is being honest with you.  It’s unfortunate that she hurt your feelings in the process, but I can see it from both of your perspectives.  I hope that she comes around and realizes that a shiny rock and her friends’ opinions should not dictate her happiness.

Again, good luck!

Post # 102
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, a lot of dump her comments on here. Seems to me that when a lady posts about the size of her ring commenters tell her to communicate that to her man. That’s what she did and she should get dumped for it?!

It’s hard when expectations don’t meet up to reality. If she does want to upgrade the diamond it is at her cost though. You made a good faith effort to get her what she wanted a at price you could afford. So her friends are wrong about you getting her a bigger stone. I think she needs to be the bigger person and realize that this is hurting your relationship right now. She needs to learn to love the ring or decide she wants to pay to upgrade it. If she cannot do that then this may not be the partner for you.

Post # 103
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Take her to the store and show her the price tag on the kind of diamond she says she wants.  If she’s not a moron, she’ll realize her expectations are unrealistic and she’ll back down.  She can either learn to love the ring she has or she can pay to get the bigger diamond.  I think you’ve already done a great job and should be off the hook.

Post # 104
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AverageTom99:  Your fiancé sounds like an ungrateful, spoiled brat. If she was going to be that particular, she should have paid for the ring herself. Sorry to be blunt, but I don’t take kindly to childish shenanigans. 

Post # 105
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@AverageTom99:  I see where she’s coming from… somehwat.

For me, when I picked out my ring, I knew it had to be exactly what I wanted to wear on my finger for the rest of my life. I had to have a 1ct center stone- round or cushion and it had to be verragio or simon g. In order to do this, we found a small family jeweller that sold the designers I likes and offered great prices. And we bought the diamond online, and an EGL graded diamond at that. My 1ct cushion cost $4500ish G/VS2.and the .84tcw Platnium setting cost $6200. I love my ring, it’s perfect! I may upgrade the quality of my stone in the future (I’m lucky enough to know someone who works at a canadian diamond mine and can get stones at cost). But for now I’m happy.

Why don’t you just explain to her that your budget didn’t allow a huge diamond but that you can upgrade on your first anniversary or something? I wouldn’t leave her. She’s just being open with you, and you should appreciate someone who doesn’t bottle up their feelings. And to be fair, an engagement ring is usually you’re one big piece of jewelry as a woman.. I didn’t want to just get some ring that came in bulk from a mall store.. plus their mark up is huge for what its worth (My mom used to work at a mall store and she got 40% off as her staff discount.)

Post # 106
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

A little harsh to say you should dump her – this is not a reason to dump her.  i think she is trying to keep up with the Joneses.  I didn’t read all the responses, but can you get her a non-diamond, like sapphire or another gemstone? 

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