Proposal White Lies?

posted 2 months ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
3934 posts
Honey bee

This kills me too. They’ve lived with the guy for years. They’ve talked about marriage ad nauseum. The proposal is all theater at this point, all the better to make it appear that they’re in a romantic movie. I side eye anyone who says they were so surprised. So full of it is more likely. I also make my own predictions based on proposals. The lower key the proposal, the greater chance of the marriage lasting IMO. I tend not to put a lot of stock in people who engage in or are thrilled by theatrics.

Post # 17
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

I had a friend tell me that another (not so much anymore) friend had actually been nagging her FH to get engaged. They had been dating maybe a year and a half at that point. Which is fine, but compared to myself and my other friend (5 years and 6 years then) we were rolling our eyes. The girl who got engaged said she had no idea and they had talked about it being before March 2019 (happened in 2018). I just think it’s ridiculous that people won’t own up to the fact that they pressured their SO to propose. Like hell if I don’t admit that cause I sure did. I’m not proud of that, but it happened!! Maybe I’m just a really bad liar, but when close friends ask me if my FH had help picking out the ring, I tell them straight up I designed two options and he picked his favorite. When people I’m not close with ask, I am a little more vague. But, I feel like many people pretend they had no input at all which is so stupid if they did. UGH. 

Everyone tries to play the cool girl…

Post # 18
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

Oh! Another instance of this that I thought was INSANE: a friend of my FH was going to propose in 2017. On NYE 2016, we were with him and his then gf. I was drunk and said to her oh I heard he is going to propose this year! And she FREAKED out on me. Said don’t tell me anything! Okay, well, I didn’t know anything… so I couldn’t say anything else. That was it and he proposed on Memorial Day weekend (so, almost 6 months later). Word got back to my FH months later that I ruined their engagement because the girl “really likes surprises” and because I said he was going to propose in the year 2017 that ruined it. 

I guess she had no idea her boyfriend of almost 5 years who moved across the country to be with her was going to propose ever…..

Post # 19
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

cq123 :  hahah!!

 

In my opininon the only thing worse than this fake suprise storyline is when people say they “always knew” Their husband was the one for them. I get that it is a nice sentiment, but it is so worn out at this point, and so not believable that when people use it as weddings It actually irritates me because its like they think everyone is an idiot that would believe that. 

Don’t insult my intelligence. People do not know the first time meeting someone. There is something about falling in love that makes our brains want to go back in time and analyze and “find clues” that somehow show we “always knew” but its just not true. 

Post # 20
Member
270 posts
Helper bee

I say I was surprised because despite having many conversations , sending pics etc. I thought it would be several months down the line. I HOPED for it sooner but the timing was a total surprise! 

Post # 21
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

diana148 :  

In truthful retrospect, was a complete surprise what you had been hoping for?  Was that what you and your husband had agreed to?

Would you have liked to have had some input as to the ring style and design?

If the total shock and awe proposal was your dream, fair enough.

I’m not sure that woukd have worked well for me, though.

Post # 22
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

sunburn :  

More like kabuki theater.

Post # 23
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

geekchicchick :  It’s an interesting observation and I had to think back to my situation! My SO and I went looking at diamonds in March and we had many conversations but I was still totally in shock when he proposed in July after walking 2 miles in the Chicago sun (we didn’t realize how far the zoo was from our hotel). But I did tell my friends I was planning to leave by the end of summer if no proposal happened 😂 

Post # 24
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t say I have lied, but I haven’t  shared some of the  details of our journey to engagement /marriage with friends and family. Except maybe 1 or 2. They don’t know he came on strong, backed out, back and forthed me  for a long time. I have hid it, to make him look good, because it is humiliating,  and because it’s none of their business. 

I believe in keeping private matters private as I would not want to taint their impression. But that is why I opened an account here. 

Only I am inside the actual bubble, and experiencing all the delicate nuances of our relationship… but outside feedback is important sometimes. 

Honestly, we are still in our journey. I am still healing even though things are great, one reason I am happy for our long engagement. It will give me some time to fully digest my feelings. 

As far as surprise proposal etc, no. My post doesn’t  relate…

  He started proposing very early in our relationship. But the last one, with my ring on knee, on the kitchen floor… was the real one. It was expected, just not while I was making dinner, as soon as he got it. Lol. I loved his huge grin. Lol 

Post # 25
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

I really don’t understand putting that much thought into someone else’s proposal and whether it was a surprise/if they’re exaggerating or not. So what if they’re romanticising it…big whoop. I’m much more likely to chalk that up to what they want to remember it as, not wanting to impress others. Because again…who cares. I’m not so bored as to be Judgey McJudgerson about whether or not they were actually surprised and why they are saying they were. You wanna believe this was a total surprise even though you picked the ring and have been talking marriage for years? Go for it. You do you. Maybe they were surprised by how it happened, maybe they weren’t. Idgaf. If I care about them, I’m just going to be excited for them and not really think about any of this. If I don’t…I don’t really care if they’re lying because I just…don’t care. It has absolutely zero impact on me one way or another. 

Post # 26
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

sassy411 :   nah, i definitely didn’t need it to be a surprise!  i’m not a super sentimental/traditional person, so that was not important to me.  i also didn’t have anything specific in mind for a ring so not being involved in that process did not bother me.  i just posted because i was genuinely shocked by the proposal despite the fact that we had discussed marriage–but again, that was really just due to the timing of it being months earlier than i had expected.  in some ways, having it be a total surprise was kind of intense– i wasn’t mentally prepared even though i was very excited.

Post # 27
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - City, State

geekchicchick :  The fib I tell is that I loved it. I absolutely hated my proposal. The location was beautiful, but his words were, “Wait, dude, I got a question for you.” *fumbles with box forever, does not get down on one need* “Will you, uh, marry me?”

I feel like I deserved for him to not call me “dude” and for him to at the VERY least get down on one knee.

But yes, I have heard women claim it was “so unexpected!!!” when I know they gave him an ultimatum. Ehh, they’re allowed to if they want to, but it does feel fake to me when I know it was definitely not so unexpected.

Post # 28
Member
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’ve never said I was completely surprised by the proposal. We’d been together 7 years and went ring shopping together, no one was going to buy that lol. But I was genuinely surprised he proposed on the day he proposed, I even made a joke earlier that day that should have brought the ring with him because it would have been a perfect weekend for it.

Also, most of my friends knew their proposals were coming. I don’t think I know anyone IRL who didn’t go ring shopping with their SO. I really only hear the “I was completely surprised!” storyline on the bee. I’ve never really thought to question it or be bothered by it.

Post # 29
Member
824 posts
Busy bee

 

lol no way could I say this with a straight face 🙂 

Post # 30
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Oh ha! I thought I was the only one who rolls my eyes a little at this. I’ve read too many “total surprise proposal” with pictures that show a ring that fits perfectly. Still happy for them, but it’s probably not a total surprise.

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