(Closed) Propose or not? That is the question! **nEeD HELP**

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

Would it be reasonable to just achieve a midway point or something? Making it clear that you are committed to her is important, but I agree that you will never have all your ducks in a row 100%; I am sometimes guilty of the same thinking. I want things to line up and be all prepared for, sorted out, etc before I make a move. And that may have me waiting forever! I’m definitely working on being more flexible and understanding that there will always be curve balls.

I think it’s admirable – you want to be a really good partner who deserves her, a spouse who can pull his weight and help to give you guys a future. One thing may be to get an idea of her expectations for a ring, for one thing. It varies from couple to couple with how involved she may want to be in picking the ring, but perhaps understanding her expectations can help. You may be assuming a 5k ring while she’d be happy with 1k or under, for example. Having an idea of what she would like is a good start. For example, my boyfriend was surprised that I don’t feel the need to have a diamond and that my price range is lower than he expected, however I do want a clear/white or blue stone and have some style preferences.

Can you start saving more aggressively? Get a Roth IRA or something? Putting more towards retirement and a house can ease your worries some, but I still think it’d be a good idea to be able to pay for the ring outright if possible. And pay off debt!! If anything, just see where your debt and credit is at, and see if you are/could be saving 10+% towards retirement and such. And again – communicate to her that you want to set you guys up for success, so get an idea of her expectations and make sure she knows that you are wanting to improve your savings. I just don’t think you should set vague or long term goals that may cause her to get restless and frustrated as if you are dragging your feet. A few simple goals like figuring out proposal expectations, your credit score, and maybe setting a budget for yourself to be saving a bit more would be reasonable.

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