Post # 1
So bf and I have been together 3 1/2 years and live together and things are awesome. About the last 6 months we discussed marriage and our future. He said he wants to marry me but wasn’t sure about when he was ready to propose. Wasn’t a bad conversation, just him saying he wasn’t exactly set on when he wanted to do it. So this last month he asked if I’d be ok with getting married January or February in Vegas next year. He told me even when we first started dating, before he knew I was the one, that he wanted to have his 2nd marriage in Vegas if the woman was ok with it. I thought it sounded like a lot of fun.
So last night we were at a birhday get together for his 35th with a close knit group of his friends I pulled together. I left to get everyone half price shakes from sonic lol. I came back and everyone was almost congratulating me. I asked what I had done and they said my bf told them about Vegas early next year and how happy they all were that we are getting married. But he didn’t propose yet. We came home and we’e falling asleep in bed and I asked him so are we engaged in a sleepy haze and he said well I didn’t ask yet, he said I have the ring picked out but I haven’t finalized everything or paid for it yet. I said alrighty.
So he has semi asked for a early next year wedding but I didn’t want to push to ask for an actual date since I’m not “engaged” but he’s told his closest friends when and where. Should I wait a few more months for a ring? Or say okay sir, when are we thinking so I can start planning stuff out. I know the act of giving a ring isnt the only way people propose. I know a few woman who never got a true proposal or a ring and that’s how my 1st marriage was and I was fine with that. Just curious what everyone thinks. Either way last night was amazing and we had a lot of fun and it was so awesome to see him so happy and happy talking about our relationship and our future marriage.
Post # 2
I’m in the camp that if you have both decided you are getting married, and are either actively planning or have a general time and place chosen, that’s the definition of being engaged. A ring is fluff, and a formal down-on-one-knee proposal is fluff. The problem with your situation is, your boyfriend seems to feel differently, and you both need to be in agreement. If you feel engaged, I’d tell him, the ring and proposal will be nice but seeing as how you’ve agreed to get married and are planning when and where, can you consider yourselves engaged already, with the ring and proposal being icing on the cake when they happen.
Post # 3
Just ask him!
You can absolutely start planning before there’s a ring if you both agree on a timeline. My FH and I were “engaged” before we were engaged. As long as you’re on the same page about when the ring is coming, when you’ll start telling people, etc., it’s fine.
Post # 4
I was just really shocked because I was waiting on the actual down on a knee proposal before I said anything to anyone. So last night threw me off guard coming back to the house with hugs and high fives given to me lol. I didnt know he was going to tell anyone. I guess when he wakes up Ill talk to him then. Were in a great place and Im comfortable talking to him about anything including our future. I just wasnt sure if it sounded like i should wait until the formal proposal if it ever came to start figuring out actual dates since its across country in Vegas and even though a vegas wedding sounds simple and technically is he knows i am cool with having the “fun” wedding but not in a drive thru 😂
Post # 5
I think it’s a great sign he told everyone!
I would just ask him “Hey I know you haven’t done the formal proposal but would you be cool if we started planning things?” and see what he says.
Post # 6
Talk to him. But in general I say you can start planning, just don’t buy stuff yet. My h2b and I had been talking about marriage for AGES, had picked out a location, I’d picked a dress (that I didn’t end up buying), talked about style choices, number of people to be invited, honeymoon destinations etc. In the end I proposed to him because I wanted to start planning properly.
Post # 7
I think, if I can make this a “larger” conversation, that we as women are at a weird point in this whole engagement thing….
The traditional ways are mostly still used, i.e. things like the guy asking the father, the man being the one to buy the ring and to propose. But the fact is that we no longer live in a society where women are truly surprised by The Proposal. Most of us discuss the future long before it would get to that stage. Sometimes we even have already made plans around the date, venue, dress, ring…. I’m not even saying this is a bad or a good thing. I just think it’s why we often have posts like this.
I think sometimes men are as confused about their roles as we are.
OP: It’s totally understandable that you feel a bit confused by all of this. It certainly sounds like he is committed to spending his life with you!
Sorry for making this a bigger sociological issue, just something I have observed.
Post # 8
Id definitely ask for clarification. not to the point of pressuring him. But if hes announcing to your friends about it… I think you deserve some sort of timeline.
Post # 9
Fiance isn’t planning to give me my ring of “officially” propose until the day of our wedding in less than 6 weeks…but considering we’ve set a date, have a venue, and invites are out…the ring and man on one knee isn’t the only way to propose 😉
Post # 10
Thanks ladies, he woke up and we took the boat to the lake to go snagginng. Not a fun type of fishing lol. Were usually out for hours and have all sorts of fun with each other. I asked him to explain to me his plan ish without ruining it if he does have something planned. He said for sure he understood where im coming from. He said I can for sure start looking at where i want and plane tickets and hotel rooms. Said we will decide a day when we get engaged the “proper” way very soon. But he said for sure hes thinking february with how our schedules of vacation roll over fall at work. So he said in his eyes we are not enagaged but said hes old school with it. So Im pretty happy. All in all. Im going to get engaged soon to my bestie which is awesome and my kids and his kid couldnt mesh together better. So hell yeah!!