Post # 1
I live with my Fiance and have been paying him a small amount of money ($450) a month to help out with bills or whatever he wants to put it towards. I know this is not a large amount of money to help out but my job currently does not pay me a lot (although I am looking at a promotion soon, which has already been announced but is not a closed deal as of yet). Anyway, I didn’t want to live with him for free so $450 was the agreed amount to help out.
Recently, he proposed (joking at first) that I could just pay him $250 a month to save money if I would perform certain sexual favors for him (ok to be blunt . . . swallowing after a bj) when he asked.
I laughed it off and a week or so went by. We were at the grocery store and he brought the subject up again, asking if we were going to make this deal.
So bees. . . how should I feel about this? First reaction is . . . wow am I a prostitute/slut? Second (more joking reaction). . . $1800 in savings before the wedding (totally not serious about that though).
I just don’t know how to feel about him even bringing this up. :/
Post # 3
Darling Husband used to say stupid stuff like that all the time. Finally I told him how those comments made me feel. He hasn’t done it since. I really do think that they think they are being funny, but you just have to take the time to tell them they are being hurtful and not funny and I think it should stop.
Post # 4
I think this is one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard lol. Not necessarily in a bad way though. My boyfriend and I are all the time making wierd deals that other ppl would probably think are insane. I would say you can’t be a prostitute if you are already engaged to be married to the guy, so you might as well learn to contain your gag reflex 😉
Post # 5
That’s offensive… :-/
I think you should feel offended…
Nobody should be pressured into doing anything any sexual “favors” that they aren’t comfortable with. And they DEFINITELY shouldn’t pay for them. I’m shocked that he would even suggest that. Ew.
I’m so sorry if that seems harsh… I’m creeped out on your behalf!
Post # 6
OH my! Although Fiance knows better than to say anything like that to me (I kind of already do it anyway 😉 )I agree with KatNewby on this one! You’re already engaged and are going to be married! Maybe this is his way of getting you to do it??? Lol. Has he asked you to do this before without money being involved?
Post # 7
@Firestarter: Are you freakin’ kidding me? My honest instant reaction? If my Fiance seriously meant that, that would be a deal breaker. How dare he reduce your presence in his life, living together, to a matter of you swallowing, and make it seem like he’s doing you the favor of paying him less towards rent/utilities. It is belittling, demeaning and downright wrong. I’d tell him I’d found a better deal moving in with a friend – saving money, and my pride.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
@jayebaby: I agree. Even if it’s not what he intends, it sounds like he is trying to pressure you into something you are not comfortable with, and that is not appropriate.
Post # 9
Meh, I don’t think its a big deal. You are getting married to the guy. If it really bothers you, then you should talk to him about it. If it doesn’t bother you, then “down the hatch” lol.
Post # 10
The first time I would think it was a joke. The second time he would say it to me I would be insulted. If he’s not happy sexually he shouldn’t have to bribe you through money and savings; he needs to talk to you about it. Disrespectful IMO.
Post # 11
@Kat: I would say you can’t be a prostitute if you are already engaged to be married to the guy, so you might as well learn to contain your gag reflex 😉
I would disagree with that. He’s asking her to do something and in return she will pay less rent. I also believe that it is rape when a husband forces his wife to have sex when she said no even though they are married. Your relationship status doesn’t change that act. She’s low on cash, he knows it and he says he’ll give her a lower amount to pay every month if she performs a sex act. That’s unfair. She doesn’t like doing it, but money is tight. I would be so pissed and offended. OP, tell him how you are feeling, if he seriously is joking, he should stop.
Post # 12
I just wanted to add this: How can anyone get sexual satisfaction out of something that disgusts/offends/is not appealing to their partner? Maybe I am reading way too far into this but this but I can’t imagine getting any pleasure out of something I had to bribe my man to do. I would feel vaguely sadistic by even suggesting it. I just can’t wrap my head around being aroused by something the other party didn’t want to do.
Post # 13
It’s not that I don’t give him oral pleasure. I do every time we are intimate. I just cringe at the thought of finishing in my mouth.
I swear cum is such a disgusting texture. . . like oysters (and I am not a seafood girl) or phlegm when you are sick.
Post # 14
If it bothers you don’t do it. It doesn’t sound like he’s forcing you. But on the other hand, if you didn’t mind it- then I would see nothing wrong with it. Couples all have different “agreements”- who am I to judge?
Post # 15
@Firestarter: Then that should be the end of it and he should respect it. You don’t like it, end of story. Trying to get you to do it anyways through by way of bribery with money is disrespectful to you. I don’t care if you are marrying the guy; it’s a level of respect he is clearly missing.
Post # 16
If Danny asked me that SERIOUSLY (not in an actual joking manner) he’d get slapped. Not condoning violence here, but he’d get smacked. He’d never do that, though. I don’t do sexual favors for cash.