(Closed) Pros and cons of having a short engagement?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

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jonasbutterfly :  We had a courthouse wedding so we got engaged one day and got married a month later. No planning needed (just wanted the date so that’s why it was am onth out).  For us, we wore simple clothes and didn’t need anything special.

Post # 3
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If it isn’t a destination wedding requiring travel arrangement then I don’t think guests would gripe about short notice as most invites don’t go out more than a couple months in advance.. or so I believe.

I didn’t have a short engagement but yes, I do believe eloping reduces stress.  Less to coordinate and often less costly.

Post # 4
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you’re picky about vendors and getting married on a Saturday during the prime wedding season, you might be limited in your selection. Otherwise, as long as there’s no issues with out-of-town guests or having to take days off of work, I don’t see an issue.

If you’re planning on having a traditional wedding dress, you may be limited as many need 6+ months to come in after ordering- but if you’re going simple or ordering off the rack you should be fine!

Post # 5
Member
4034 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

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jonasbutterfly :  My husband and I originally planned on having a longer engagement (almost 2 years) but trying to plan an immediate family only wedding on a tight budget got the best of me and we planned to elope. Then, the opportunity came along to have our wedding 100% paid for (we got married on TV – but that’s another story) 6 months into our engagement. So with a little more than a week’s notice, we asked our families to fly and drive to NYC to be there for our big day, and guess what? They were all there in a heartbeat. Obviously you want to try to give your loved ones as much notice as possible, but people usually try to make it work when they really want to be there. Happy planning! 

Post # 6
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

My mother and father were married exactly 2 months after they met, wedding was about 20 people.

DH and I got engaged in February and married in October, wedding was about 100, had our reception in the same place where my mom and dad had had theirs.

If I were being married right now, I would want exactly the same simple elegant wedding I had.

A lot of today’s ideas about weddings and events leading up toeddings are major foohfah and dispensng with nonsene streamlines the process and spares the joy and fun. I make that statement based on attending 17 weddings in the past 7 years

Cut the foohfah, increase the sentiment, think more of your guests and family and less of yourself- a fabulous wedding can be planned in 2-3 months if a couple is creative, flexible, mature, and enthused more about basics and essentials than nonsense

For starters, FORGET ABOUT FAVORS!.

Post # 7
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

We are having exactly 4 months engagement! I wish I had just a little bit more time, but we wanted wedding at a specific location and it had to be either November this year or summer of next year, so we pulled a trigger:)

Planning a regular wedding, but it will be a small one. I am also not having a wedding party. Got gorgeous dress off the rack and received 50% discount on it. Yay! Booked venue, selected food and cake vendors, booked minister, sent save the dates (via text or phone calls), booked photographer, ordered formal invites and mostly done with decor. I’m 1.5 months into engagement now. Still need to figure out music, floral, pick menus and decide on cake design, order bands. So while it’s a bit stressful due to short terms, it’s totally doable if it not a huge wedding!

 

Post # 8
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

We got engaged near the end of 2016 and married this spring. We had a destination elopement. The planning and the day itself were honestly no stress. We have no regrets and would do it over again in a heart beat. I see boards on here about wedding drama, bees still upset about things that happened at their weddings years later and I’m so happy we had none of those issues. Seriously perfect easy going happiest funnest day ever. 

 

Elope! It’s such a fun story to tell 

disclaimer : it wasn’t technically an elopement because our parents knew, but it was just the two of us and our photogs 

Post # 9
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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jonasbutterfly :  We had a particularly long engagement (18 months), so I can tell you what would have been easier if it had been short. There’s less time for people to second guess. My mom has changed her plans so many times now, it’s a whirlwind. The major cons I see with a 4 month engagement are the gossip (may think you’re pregnant) and having to settle with what’s available. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee

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ann.reid.9277 :  I totally agree about the favors! I’ve asked people who had and attended weddings about that and all the brides wishes they had skipped them or went with something simple to have with less expense. I’ve asked people that attended mutual weddings what they did with things like favors of wedding bells with engraved dates, things that you are supposed to keep forever to remember the day. Those that didn’t leave them behind admitted they made a fuss over them at the wedding then threw them away. I can see something like this for a special guest that you know will enjoy it, but not everyone is going to cherish such things. I always like the favors of special chocolate, but it doesn’t have to be a personalized candy bar that costs 10 times as much, or took hours to craft.

 

Post # 11
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

I never understood the appeal of a long engagement. I say go for it! 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee

Depends when you’re getting married but people may have other commitments. I don’t think a long engagement is necessarily needed. Also if you have specific ideas, then a longer engagement is good because you’ll have your choice of vendors. I live in a popular wedding area and vendors are booked 1-2 years in advance. Our engagement is just about 1 year and I think it was more then enough. I’d say 8-10 is preferable. 

Post # 13
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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jonasbutterfly :  

I’m getting married 3 months post engagement and likely hosting anywhere from 110-130 people.  I’m 43 days out right now, and pending a last few details, could get married tomorrow.  I have experience with corporate event planning, so that helps.  I think a long engagement would have driven me crazy with the details.

Let me know what advice you need.  First thing to do is establish dates, locations, and order invites so your Out of Town guests can book travel.  You have a month extra than I did, so you shouldn’t have any problems there.

Post # 14
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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lizstarlight22 :  omg, that is so on point. We just got engaged last month and every time I say we are getting married in November I am getting this look at my stomach. Some people ask directly if I am pregnant, lol

Post # 15
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I got engaged in December 2016, planned on a detination elopment for July 2017, but due to mounting family pressure, we decided to have a small US wedding with only 7 weeks notice. So, my engagement period was 5.5 months.

 

PROS

  • Less costly, because I had zero time to get carried away and fuss over details.
    • Chapel: $500
    • Reception + Food: $3,000 (we had it in an upscale craft beer restaurant, with no overhead fee)
  • Family who mattered could make it, with 6 weeks notice. This helped us weed out those family members who we weren’t close to. Again, less costly!
  • Lots of excited feelings! I didn’t like the idea of dragging on my engagement for years on end.

 

CONS

  • Stressful, because I am a type A person, lots of things didn’t go perfectly due to oversight
  • Dress regret. I bought a sample gown at the beginning of my planning. It was literally the first dress I tried on. I hated it, and went through a lot of heartache. With all of my luck, my dress fitter also sold wedding dresses, and allowed me to buy a dress off of her rack, not even a sample sale. This situation is VERY rare
  • Judgement from co-workers and friends

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