(Closed) Pros and Cons on having bridemaids

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@NeonBug:  I actually did not intend upon having bridesmaids either, but since my fiance wanted to have two groomsmen — his brother and his best friend, I decided that my side would look pretty lonely without any so I choose two — my two best friends, and then there was his sister, so I ended up with three to keep the peace.

It sounds like they would be there for you regardless of having the title “bridesmaid” so it’s not completely necessary. Being a bridesmaid is generally just a recognition, but instead of making them wear the same dress and all you could just thank them in a speech for being there for you.

Post # 4
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

My advice to you would be… IF you are on the fence about having bridesmaids .. it would prob be better not to have them. There are many brides who wouldnt think to get married without BMs by their side and THEY end up regretting the decision.. if you are iffy about it.. I could just imagine how you would be if they didnt live up to expection

Post # 5
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I am with Mrs. Neutrino, bridesmaids often start out as a great idea and just cause stress and more decision making than need be in the long run. What about talking to your best friends and saying “I don’t think we are going to have a bridal party becuase our wedding is going to be super small but I would love for you guys to help me out with the wedding planning and be my honorary bridesmaids” IE not standing up in front or getting introduced (except maybe in the speech at the end) But they can still be there for all the big decisions.

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m confused – if there’s no ceremony, what would be the point of having bridesmaids? I thought the main function of a wedding party was that they would stand up for you during the ceremony.

I didn’t have bridesmaids, and I don’t regret it. Saved everyone a lot of time and money. That said, I wouldn’t ask people to help with the wedding unless they’ve shown an interest in doing so already, especially if they don’t have that honorary designation.

 

Post # 7
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly, if I could go back and do it over I would not have a bridal party. But, the people I have asked to be BM’s aren’t the least interested in anything regarding my wedding so I may just be bitter. It is causing me a lot of unneccessary drama and stress. Plus (and if you are an avid reader of Bridesmaid or Best Man posts on this site) you will realize that pretty much everyone hates being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. You may be doing everyone a favor by not having a bridal party. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with Legallyblondiebride and Ms.Neutrino.  Take a look at the Bridesmaid or Best Man threads and you will see that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is like the worst thing ever.  Save yourself the heartache and skip the bridal party.  Perhaps just include your friends in the planning if they are interested.

Post # 10
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Whatever you do, don’t expect a girl to show up, work hard, be your witness, sit at the head table etc and not give her a title. My bff did that to me and it stung. Even on the day of, I thought I would be called a “bridesmaid” but I wasn’t. Either have people or don’t.

Post # 11
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You have a unique situation in that you aren’t having a ceremony, so it sounds like a number of the “traditional” Bridesmaid or Best Man roles don’t apply here. There is no reason a friend or family member can’t help you with your planning if they offer, but that wouldn’t automatically make them a bridesmaid. A warm and thoughtful thank-you card, plus a sweet mention in your speech if you make one, would be lovely.

As for my own experience: I did not ask anyone to be a bridesmaid, and my husband only had his brother stand with us. While I normally think this kind of decision is a very personal one to make, I’ll share some of my thoughts with you if it will give some insight. For the record, we had 90 guests.

I don’t have any siblings, and I barely know my cousins — they’re all male and the youngest is 15 years older than me — so the family option would be out.

If I’d had anyone at all up there, it could have been the two women I’ve been friends with for a long time. But my oldest and perhaps “best” friend lives a plane ride away and is in the military, so we weren’t even sure she could be there, let alone participate. I would never, ever have considered asking her only for her to decline for military reasons, since it would have been very complicated for her. My other friend I’ve known since high school, and to be frank, we’re not close anymore. She has said some very inconsiderate things to me over the last few years, and I didn’t feel that participating would be anything other than an imposition for her.

Both of these women attended our wedding, and it was wonderful to have them present. The military friend and her husband were fantastic– she made me laugh when I was a little stressed at the welcome dinner, and they danced the whole time. The high school friend did not speak to me much other than to say “congratulations” but she and her fiancee did dance (this is a big deal for her; as a lesbian couple they aren’t always accepted by her family, but at our wedding they could be together without judgement). 

The decision to do away with the wedding party was an easy one for us to make, and looking back at the wedding, I would not have changed a thing.

Whew, sorry that was rather long! But, that’s my story 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MrsNeutrino:  Lol!  You would think we were forcing BMs into sex trafficking or something the way these Bridesmaid or Best Man threads have gone lately.

Post # 14
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No cons as far as I can tell – I am not having BMs and so far have not single con to it. My witness will be my aunt who is also my godmother. My mission is to purely have my friends show up and have fun, they will have no asks/tasks/jobs – except I will get a couple of pro pictures of me with my girlfriends during the cocktail hour.

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