Post # 1
Hi Bees. I’m having a small wedding, about 75 people at most, hopefully no more than 50. We’ll get married outdoors and with close and intimate family. My best friend has been a Bridesmaid or Best Man to two other weddings, but the brides have accomodated everything from dresses to makeup to etc. In the last wedding, the bride paid over $2000 in costs for her, and that was including a plane ticket I think. Knowing that made me pale a bit…I’m scared she’d be expecting me to do the same.
Keep in mind that as a Maid/Matron of Honor (not BM) I don’t think she’ll throw a bridal shower or bachelorette. She’s not that attuned to western bridal traditions and even if I gave her an ettiquette book it might be too pushy. Not that throwing parties matters, but I’m already trying to minimize the costs. We’re paying for our wedding ourselves.
My FI’s best friends are out of state and overseas. Altheough I could clearly see them paying for their travel expenses without blinking an eye, I’ve thought perhaps it’d be best to have no bridal party at all and just ask everyone to contribute in some small way (ushering guests, signing the marriage certificate, etc.)
What are the pros and cons to having no bridal party?
Post # 3
PROS: (1) You have support and help if you need it. (2) You save money on gifts, dresses, hair and makeup.
CONS: You can have unexpected drama 🙁
Post # 4
No Wedding Party Pros & Cons
PROS: No drama in choosing your party, no paying for gifts or expensive rehearsal dinner, etc., intimate experience with your husband
CONS: Possible hurt feelings, lack of support
Post # 5
I would skip the bridal party – there are so many pluses to not having one. You can still ask your friend to hang out with you before the wedding. I’d much rather just do that part of the “job”, rather than the hair, makeup, dress, etc. You’d don’t have to buy her a $60 to $75 bouquet, nor do you have to worry about a bridesmaid gift ($50+ often). No worries about paying for her hair and makeup, or trying to find a dress she’ll like and maybe wear again.
You raised the issue of her maybe expecting to pay for her dress – you wouldn’t have to even broach that topic. If you wanted her to get her hair and makeup done, then that would be on you to pay for it. That’s easily another $100+.
I’d just say that it was a mutual decision between you and Fiance to keep things simple. I doubt her feelings would be hurt for too long, if at all.
Post # 6
I didn’t have a wedding party.
Pros: No Bridesmaid or Best Man drama, no gifts, no coordinating multiple schedules to shop for dresses and get things done
Cons: No one to help handle minor day of stuff, No bridal shower
Post # 7
We’re not having a wedding party. I’m having a maid of honor, my finance is having a best man, and a group of our married friends will be co-ushers/attendants without having to buy a special outfit or have any particular duties. My fiance in particular is one of those guys with 20 super-close buddies from different stages of life, along with 2 brothers — while I have just a few close friends who aren’t particularly into weddings, and no sisters.
- no drama / hurt feelings by selecting among friends
- easy planning
- cheaper for friends who already have wedding expenses (travelling to destination wedding, etc)
- friends can just relax and have fun with no pressure to do official duties — friends who really love weddings have volunteered to help, those who don’t don’t.
- Day-of activities have to be modified some. Walking down the aisle, introductions at reception, etc. – our vendors are astonished that we don’t have a 10-person wedding party!
I wouldn’t change it again, but it has been a bit awkward.
Post # 8
We’re not doing a wedding party either, so far it’s just making my life easier. My friends are all awesome and helping out anyways, just no expensive dress to buy and they don’t *really* have to listen to me if they don’t want to, lol.
Post # 9
We had no wedding party, and it was fabulous. Zero drama, our friends could (and did) come and enjoy themselves, and we had more free time to socializa with everyone. I still had a shower — friends of the family hosted it for me. I didn’t do a bachelorette, but did a spa day right before the wedding with my mother, which was absolutely wonderful. My mother also held my muff (no bouquet) for the ceremony.
There are no tasks in a wedding that can’t be handled by someone *other* than a designated wedding party member, so that shouldn’t be a factor in deciding who stands with you.
Post # 10
My wedding was 69 people and we did not have a wedding party. It was AWESOME.
PROS to NO wedding party:
You’re best friends can hang out with you pre-wedding pressure-free!
No spending money on gifts the girls didn’t want anyway!
And i’ll say it again: No drama!!!! So key.
My sister-in-law threw me a shower, and a bunch of my friends got together for a bachelorette – you don’t need a wedding party to do those things!
Post # 11
I personally see no cons. More people involved=MORE DRAMA! You will have to make a few minor adjustments (with the ceremony as an example), but overall, I see no issue with this.
Nobody’s feelings will even be hurt because NO ONE is going to be invited to be in a wedding party, hence, no one is going to be excluded. Just think of all the personalities that WON’T be clashing, and costs that WON’T be adding up!
(Can you tell I’m in a bridal party right now and am not exactly enjoying it? haha)
Post # 12
Oh, and my family handled all the minor day-of stuff. Nobody actually NEEDS a bridal party, it’s just ingrained in American wedding tradition.
Post # 13
SO much less drama – I love it! I’m definitely not having a bridal party. Only downside I see so far is that I don’t have designated “people” to plan the shower and bachelorette party, but my cousins stepped up super quick to suggest a bridal shower. I like BostonBaby’s idea of the spa day instead of a bachelorette party! Sounds fun, but could be a pricey addition I wasn’t budgeting for.
Post # 14
Around here almost nobody does the “bridal party” thing. We traditionally ask one good friend (sometimes a sibling) each to sign the papers with us and that is it. There are no worries over dresses, shoes, gifts, who should pay what… So much easier than the American tradition 😉
We also don’t have any “showers” – gifts are brought to the wedding on the wedding date, if you feel like you want to – nobody here feels that guests are obliged to give some compensation of the spent money. Gosh, I make us sound like barbarians, don’t I? 😉
What I want to say is: if you choose to have no bridal party, you will save so much money and have a less stresful planning – what’s not to love? I bet your g-friends will throw you a bachelorette party all the same – is it too hard to call a few girls and have a night out at some nice club or pub? I think not 😉
Post # 15
We’re not having a bridal party for our wedding, where we’re expecting around 70 guests. I didn’t want any showers, anyway. Close friends ask about the wedding and offer their help anyway, so I’m just planning on getting a case of beer and having some DIY parties to assemble some projects! That way, no pressure on anyone and more fun friend time. I didn’t want to burden any particular people with having to help me if they really didn’t have the time.
Post # 16
My cousin did this and I was mortified. The point of having attendants (at least one) is they vouch for your character as much as the union. If you have no one, it almost means no one can vouch for you or your character or the union. Traditionally such weddings had to be held in subterranean chapels or those of little repute.
Pick one person at least to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and a Best Man, please.
FYI my first wedding I had 14 Bridesmaids and no shower…just conscript someone even if you have to pay