(Closed) Pros and Cons to No Bridal Party?

posted 9 years ago in Traditions
Post # 17
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@BlushingBee:  So, you’re saying that everyone who replied here that they didn’t have attendants also didn’t have a legitimate wedding? The point of having attendants is not for them to “vouch for your character as much as the union,” because nobody has to vouch for it except you, your spouse, and the person legally officiating. I find the insinuation that only people of “little repute” have weddings with no attendants incredibly insulting.

And I’m sorry, but “just conscript someone even if you have to pay” basically negates your first statement that the person standing with you can vouch for your character. 

The only people required to make a marriage are Adult A, Adult B, and Legal Officiation Person. That’s it. 

Post # 18
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

One of the best decisions we made was not having a bridal party.  We even got compliments afterwards that the ceremony was focused on us and our unique interpretation of the wedding (and not formalities).  Also, my husband thought it was weird to ‘say which friends you like more than others’.  Anyhow, pros were – cut down on planning becuase we did not have to pick outfits, etc. for them, no one had to be in town early for a rehearsal, etc.  Plus, it saves your friends money and there are other ways to honor them (giving them another role in the wedding, writing them a sweet note thanking them for their support along the way, etc.).  We did not miss having a bridal party one bit:)

Post # 19
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We plan on having our parents be our bridal party. Lol. If that makes any sense. My mom will be my Maid/Matron of Honor and his mother will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. His dad will be his best man and my dad will be a groomsmen. 🙂 No drama and it will still look very nice.

We avoided a bridal party just for that, the drama!! AND not to mention, we were both in a wedding last year and it cost us an arm and a leg just to be in it and I didn’t want to impose a lot of cost to anyone for our wedding.

Post # 20
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Other than our siblings standing up and signing paperwork with us, we didn’t have a bridal party (although I still called my sister my MOH). It worked well, but we didn’t have a traditional wedding.  We had a civil ceremony that was family only, followed by a family only dinner.  The next day, we threw a cocktail reception for around 100 people.  My sister wore whatever she wanted and I bought her an orchid hair flower for the reception and paid to have her hair and makeup done.

PROS- no drama (fights over dresses, personality conflicts)- no expensive floral arrangements… generally, I’d say that it just streamlined the process for us-no one was pissed because of multiple events leading up the wedding- no hurt feelings regarding leaving people out

CONS- I DID hurt good friends by not having a bridal party…which was flattering, but sad- there isn’t a built in labour/support supply the day of the wedding- I did miss getting ready with all of my girlfriends, but had a good time with my family and in laws-there was some confusion regarding a shower, etc so I was really lucky that friends volunteered (you have to be okay if nothing happens)

 

Post # 21
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@BlushingBee:  You can’t invoke ‘tradition’ to support this argument. ‘Tradition’ also says you should meet the groom for the first time on the morning of the wedding, and a whole cartload of other such claptrap.  I for one personally think the idea of having 14 bm’s cheapens the meaning of having any at all- how in the world is it special at all then?

 

If we had it to do again I think I’d go without a bridal party at all, I still would have needed two people to sign the register and it wouldve been the same two , moh and bm, but there also would’ve been no bloody top table drama. Or whining about photos. 

Post # 22
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel you bees. I am frustrated as well. My Fiance and I are super untraditional. He was raised in Europe and I am a Cuban American girl. My family wants as much tradition as they’ve had in their several “marriges.” I have never been into the idea of splurging my money on other’s so they may feel “a part of” the wedding. His family (4 sibs total) have had different style weddings than the typical Miami weddings and it’s clashing with my family’s ideal scenarios.

I feel that we are YOUNG and MODERN bees and the truth is this wedding is happening bc YOU TWO are in love. Not because of your friends or family wishes. Spend a little, have a memory, and take a trip together.

The more I plan the more I see we are doing an untraditional simple event. This cringes me a bit bc I feel like his close friends and some relatives may fly over ($$$ ticket) and may be left disapointed that it wasn’t a huge ALL Out wedding.

You just cant make everyone happy, and you dont want stress to come between you and your SO.

No bridesmaids for me….

Post # 23
Member
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

im having no bridal party, and im not even sure that one of the cons would be hurt feelings. i got pretty much dumped by most of my close friends after they got married, they never call or text anymore, or agree to weekend plans. they dont ask how my planning is going now that im engaged…so if anyones feelings r hurt, its mine. so if they r so busy being married, then i wont bother to ask any of them to stand by my side the way i stood by theirs during their wedding ceremonies. no bridal party for me, id rather the focus be on me and not them on my day.

Post # 24
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Pros to no wedding party: No hurt feelings/boohooing, No worrying about bridal party fittings, no buying gifts for the bridal party, no awkwardness if someone turns down an invitation to be in the party, etc. I find that people tend to get their hopes up when they ask someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, too; if the Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t come through with a bachelorette party, or help out with the wedding, it can cause drama. Some people even fire their BMs (ouch!)

 

Plus side: Help if you need it…if you’ve selected someone reliable, of course. That’s…uh…that’s really about it.

 

FWIW, OP, there are 80 people on my guest list (and we haven’t sent out invitations yet, so who knows…this might be a 60 person wedding). We chose not to have a wedding party, besides my young cousin, who will be the ring bearer. He’s going to hold my bouquet while we exchange rings. So, he’s sort of in place of the bridesmaid who would otherwise do that. 

It was a big bonus because he’s the ONLY child who’s the right age to do that on both sides of the family. So, no competition. However, I have cousins and friends I really wanted to pick for a maid of honor or bridesmaid. But I knew my fiance’s sister would cause trouble and stomp her feet if she wasn’t selected.

She threw enough of a fit over the date I chose for the wedding. :d

Then again, I thought not picking a wedding party would save drama. When we went looking at our hall, the coordinator asked if we were having a wedding party. I told him no. Mother-In-Law looked at me in horror and asked, “You’re not?” I confirmed that. That was 6 months ago. Just a month ago, we were out to dinner again and she started asking who was going to be in our bridal party. I again told her we were not having one. She looked shocked.

So, she decided to ask Fiance behind my back “what had happened” that we weren’t having a wedding party. Honestly, it shocked me that there are people who are so traditional that it came as a slap in the face that we didn’t pick a wedding party. If I didn’t know Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law better, I’d just say that they asked because they were curious. Unfortunately, I know that behind the scenes, Future Sister-In-Law has probably had a mini-tantrum because she hasn’t been asked.

Now that she’s just had a baby, her attention will start to focus more on our wedding. That was one of the perks of her being pregnant. All eyes were on her and she was out of our hair! 😀

So, it can go both ways. You can also have drama if you DON’T select a wedding party.

Now Future Mother-In-Law is bringing up having witnesses to sign the marriage license. I’m asking my brother, and I told him he could ask whoever he wants (although, for political reasons, he should probably ask his sister). But, then again, I wouldn’t be shocked if she came back with: “Why can’t I just be the Maid of Honor?” 

-_-‘ Note to self: should’ve eloped like I wanted to. 

Post # 25
Member
430 posts
Helper bee

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@BlushingBee:  

I think you’re confusing bridesmaids et al with the traditional concept of a witness. In many countries, two witnesses, one of or the bride and one for the groom, are required to make the ceremony legal. However, they do not vouch for anybody’s character, as they can theoretically be complete strangers, but instead witness that a legal ceremony and contract occurred (without coercion, etc.). 

The only “traditional” role of a bridesmaid was to confuse evil spirits who were thought to want to harm the bride. 

Post # 25
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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BlushingBee:  I think that ifthe only way your guests will know that you have a good character is by having a bridal party, then you should re-evaluate ypur entire wedding guest list. All the people at my wedding are already familiar with my character and my fiance’s. I don’t see how having 28 people in your bridal party helps vouch for the union itself. I can see pros to having a wedding party but, all that vouching for character and the union seems like hog wash to me. 

Post # 26
Member
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am having a Maid/Matron of Honor and he is having a Best Man only. So far so good as far as less planning, less $$ spent, etc. My only question (to myself) is that my sister and mother have given me the choice of either having a small traditional shower or more of a “wedding celebration” after since it will be small and I can’t invite many people I normally would. I can’t decide what the hell to do there. I like both ideas! 

Post # 27
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We didn’t have a bridal party. I can think of zero pros to having one.

To us, the whole idea of people standing beside us while we share our most intimate feelings with one another and promise each other the rest of our lives just cheapens the whole experience. We also felt that the concept of a bridal party was kind of juvenille, like choosing your favorite friends/ wedding guests to stand on display in matching outfits and have a completely different experience than everyone else.. Its just so strange to me.

Our wedding day was about us and celebrating our relationship with our family and friends. Our witnesses were my brother and my husbands sister, who got up from their seats and signed the marriage license when prompted.

 

 

Post # 28
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I had a destination wedding with about 40 guests. I had a Maid/Matron of Honor and my husband had his brother and best friend stand up. The only reason we decided to have anyone was so someone could help us coordinate the day (be our eyes and ears when we were way too busy), hold the rings and my flowers and witness the license. It was perfect. To be honest when I told my friends I wasn’t having a bridal party they all breathed a sigh of relief. We are getting older and have all been to/been in so many weddings that it is just expensive and exhausting. Besides with such a small guest list I couldn’t reason having 10 friends there and 5 standing up. What message did that send to the others? I didn’t expect them to front the shower or bachelorette/bachelor parties and we let them choose what they wore. As thanks we paid for their salon and spa visits the morning of. 

Post # 29
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2015

My wedding is in November this year. 

My fiance initially really wanted his best guys up there – but when we really talked about it he really just wants a bucks party- and no doubt they’ll be more than happy to do it even without being groomsmen.

We won’t be having a bridal party at all, for all of the cons already listed. Main one is cost for all involved. 

Many of our guests will be travelling (flights will be over $500 each plus accommodation etc etc) so no way I would put extra costs on anyone. And really, after being in two weddings, it was a very expensive exercise and I won’t be accepting any invites to do so in future. I was too busy working to enjoy the day and actually celebrate their marriage (eg missed theor first dance due to sorting out the waiters). 

Ours is a very relaxed and non-traditional. Only one person has repeatedly questioned why we aren’t having a bridal party – and they are not even invited so I don’t really care about their opinion. 

My SIL will be my helper (hold flowers, fluff dress if needed), we’ll have important friends as witnesses, and those others we wish to include will be invited to do reading/speeches. 

Do what you need to do to make it the best day of your and your fiances life. Everyone who loves you will be there to sincerely celebrate your love and marriage. Those who want more (are upset they aren’t in a bridal party) are more interested in themselves than you – and no bride needs any of that attitude and drama around!!! 

 

Post # 30
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Where I’m from (Germany) bridal parties are the excpetion rather than the rule and nobody thinks twice about it if you don’t have one… Over here, bride and groom usually each have a witness (comparable to Maid/Matron of Honor and BM), but they have no formal duties apart from signing the marriage certificate and they also get to wear whatever they choose. If you need help with the planning or on they day, you just ask your family or close friends and they will be happy to be of assistance. Being from a country where a bridal party is not a part of the tradition, it’s actually quite mind-boggling to me how much brides are willing to spend on their bridesmaids or how much they are asking their friends to spend to be in their weddings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that it’s unreasonable to have a bridal party – not at all!! I think that as long as bride and groom (and the bridal party, if they choose to have one) are on the same page about everything, they should just go with whatever they feel comfortable with. I guess I just wanted to butt in to say that not having a bridal party does not necessarily mean that you have less support… 🙂

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