(Closed) Pros & Cons for having a very young flower girl/ring bearer

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
9 posts

its your day and it should be about the two of you! The ceremony is the most important bit, you dont want kids screaming when you’re making your vows! 

Post # 17
3080 posts
Sugar bee

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katelyndawn89:  I’d say go with your gut instinct and don’t have the little ones participate in the ceremony.

My family usually does formal/evening weddings, with limited or no kids invited. My 2nd daughter to marry had a 9 year old flowergirl (her mother was a bridesmaid) and a 10 year old ringbearer (his mother was the reader) and no issues, with the kids. The gals all met at 8:30 AM, for professional hair and makeup, and that lasted until 2:30. Then the photographer arrived and took pre-ceremony photos, for 3 hours. The reception ended at 11:30 PM. I don’t know any little kids who could take that kind of schedule.

Post # 18
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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katelyndawn89:  My nephew was just shy of 2 at our wedding, he was supposed to be our ringbearer.  He had a complete and total meltdown right before the ceremony.  I was completely prepared for this and kind of expected it to happen so I didn’t care.  My sister (MOH) on the other hand didn’t handle it so well.  SHE got super stressed and freaked out and that was just annoying. 

Newphew was supposed to escort my mother down the aisle with the ring box.  He wasn’t having it, so quick thinking we switched the order, had Maid/Matron of Honor walk with my mom and nephew and the bridal party just walked in reverse order.

If you’re going to have kids that small be prepared for a meltdown and be prepared for things to not go smoothly.

Post # 19
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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katelyndawn89:  My niece was 14 Months for our wedding and was the flower girl, and our good friends son was ring bearer he was 3 . We played on having the ring bearer pull my niece down the asile (even though she was walking by than). It was a gamble but it really paid off, The ring bearer was nervous before hand so we had his Dad (also a groomsman) held his hand down the asile as the ring bearer pulled the wagon with my niece in it. (we put one of those seats in it for here to sit in I think their called burpee or something like that?) It was so adorable and it totally stole the show! Which we were fine with! 🙂  





Post # 20
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Kids are absolutely not recommended to be in outdoor weddings as there is too much that can go wrong. For a church wedding it is better. You do make the kids feel special and their parents probably appreciate it too. But the parents also have to take responsibility and help. At my brother’a wedding, they had 9 on each side plus 6 kids, one of whom was the young son of a cousin of the bride. My SIL was livid bc the kid was unruly, touching everything and pushed my little nephew his age (3), and the mother really did nothing to help.

Post # 21
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think it depends a lot on the sort of wedding you want. Do you want kids at all at the wedding? If not, then you have every right to not want flower girls and pageboys. Otherwise, if you do have kids at the wedding, then whos to say its the flowergirl or pageboy being the problem?

We had no option but to have kids at the wedding, and we honesly couldnt have seen it any other way. DH is one of 7, and each of his siblings has kids, 13 in total from 21 down to 8 months. My brother had a 4 month old, my only nephew. Then all our friends have kids…

We had the 3 yougest who could walk, flowergirls of 3 and 5 and ringbearer of 6. Now the 3 yo, is the showgirl and the boy is the shyest one ever.  On the day though, the 3 yo didnt really like having to walk down the aisle, she cut out hakf way to her mum. The 5 yo did fine, but just didnt drop any petals! The boy though, did amazing! He was so calm, and stood up to give the rings when asked, he was very proud. During the ceremony (outside) the 3yo was running around playing just to the side of where we were standing. To be honest we didnt really care, because that was what the kids are like. They were quieter doing that than being forced to sit still. and akk the parents had to do was make sure they didnt run away from the ceremony area, meaning they could actually listen to most of the ceremony than having to take a screaming kid out and miss it all,  

Ultimately these kids are part of our lives and we couldnt have imagined our wedding any other way. 

So consider the styke of wedding you want in whether to have kids there or not,

Post # 22
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We just had our (DH’s) 4 nephews as our ring bearers; we had no flower girl. They go from 5, 5, 3, and 2… and we really didn’t know how that woudl all go until that day.

The two oldest, ones has Downs and the other is Autistic… so we were OK if neither of them wanted to participate. The other 2 can follow directions better, but again… no clue how they would actually do that day.

Well, all 4 made it down our aisle (sidewalk, we got married in a park). I had plans for each of them to do something different – hold a sign, make bubbles with a bubble machine, and hold the ring box.

The one (oldest) who was supposed to hold the ring box didn’t, and it was the youngest that actually grabbed it. The one (the second youngest) who I thought would be great with one of the buddle machines held our sign for the entire night (it was really cute). So the two oldest just made it the front, which was fine.

Post # 23
475 posts
Helper bee

I personally wouldn’t want super young kids in the wedding. My aunt did and her flower girl cried the whole time in literally every picture. My flower girl was my sister, 9 and my ring bearer was my brother, 6. Since they were so close to me they understood the importance of good behavior, they stood up there the whole time and were so excited to have important roles, any younger and kids don’t really care about that stuff. Good luck. 

Post # 24
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

Pro: It looks super cute!!

Con: He/she decides they do not want to participate anymore and refuses to do it without kicking and screaming and essentially tearing down the house.

Post # 25
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My flower girls will be 3 & 4 and the ring bearer will be 3 …. We happen to have one parent and brother of all 3 in oUr party so I am hoping they will see them from the end of asile and want to go be with them and just go lol but we will see … There just to darn cute to not have in the wedding I am so excited to dress them up haha …..

i was 3 in my parents wedding and they bribed me and I was good and quiet all up to the kiss where I felt the need to shout ” we’re going tons party after this aren’t we mama ?”  

Post # 26
220 posts
Helper bee

I was a bad kid in a wedding once. I was a flower girl. I forgot to throw the petals. Then I cried when they told me I forgot after the ceremony. Then I cried when I didn’t catch the bouquet and someone had to go get me a tiny bouquet of flowers off a centerpiece or something and throw it to me so I would stop crying. I was kind of a brat…sigh.

So I guess that I am worst case scenario? Apart of sobbing all the way through the ceremony of course. That would be worse. Glad I didn’t do that.

Post # 27
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

My flower girl will be two – but her mum is a bridesmaid and so the Flower Girl will walk down the aisle with her.  My pageboys will be 3,4 and 6 – the 6 year old has done it before (two years ago) and I think they should be fine…hopefully! 

Post # 28
1245 posts
Bumble bee

My nephew was just short of three. He walked down the aisle holding his sisters (4) hand and in the other hand carried a toy car. I had no idea of this until I spotted it in photos and it’s adorable. I didn’t care, I just wanted them part of it, and if that kept him happy, I’m happy. 

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