Pros/cons of online dating

posted 3 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee

I’d done it for years, and that’s how I met my husband. BUT I had to “kiss alotta frogs” to get there. 

Some Pros: 

– You don’t have to fish around to figure out if someone it single and looking since they usually tell you in their profile

– You generally know their political and/or religious affiliation and can weed out those dissimilar to you

 – You can meet someone who you probably never would’ve run into at your regular haunts

Some Cons:

– The biggest con I noticed is that a huge swath of men on dating sites aren’t actually emotionally available. They’ve just broken up with someone (and lie about it) or aren’t actually looking for long-term commitment (and lie about it). I actually had to put in my profile that I would NOT go out with anyone who’d broken up with someone long-term in the last 6 months, but they still lied to me about it. 

– They may not look at ALL like their pictures, and they may have lied about their height

– The anxiety of the first meetup sucks ass

– Lots of ghosting, either before or after the meetup

Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t have much luck with Match (it really is pretty useless if you find people who aren’t paying for the service), so I stuck with the free ones like OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, etc.  It was a good way for me to meet people I wasn’t sure how I would meet otherwise.  Lots of dates that didn’t work, but one date that was the charm and now I am engaged.  It took me a few years to find the right person.  The hardest part about online dating for me was getting down because I wasn’t finding the right person for me.  At that point, I would take a break and remind myself that it takes time to find a good match, and that I needed to not get too excited about people right away.  

Good Luck to you!

Post # 4
Member
591 posts
Busy bee

I met my fiancé, and my ex, on Match. I didn’t have to kiss many frogs to be honest, but I went into it with the right attitude, to give it a proper go, and I was selective and decisive about who to chat to and date.

I think these things are key.

I would also recommend a paid sight like Match over “free” sites. In my view people take it more seriously and you generally at least know people are in it for the right reasons.

Post # 5
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

buzzingbeez14 :  When I moved to a new state and didn’t know many people I used a couple of different websites, this was before Tinder and Bumble and those ones were really well known. I met several guys and hung out with a couple of them pretty casually for some time.

I’d say overall I had a good experience, met some cool guys and I was pretty bored with having pretty much no friends in the area so it definitely helped with getting out and exploring the area by going on dates.

When I was single again and Tinder was big I used that but only met one guy from there, we hit it off but then I moved states again and we didnt hit it off enough to keep it going long distance. The thing I noticed and disliked with Tinder is that guys just wanted to chat, or hook up, not really date. But I know people who have met on Tinder and ended up married so everyones experience varies

If you meet someone, meet them in public and maybe for coffee rather than going out for drinks if youre paranoid about having something sketchy happen. 

Post # 6
Member
1322 posts
Bumble bee

I had NO luck on Match.com and thought it was a huge waste of money.

I was big into Tinder because it was easy.  Sure, some guys were on there to only hook up and sometimes you’d waste a ton of time one someone for them to ghost you, but you catch on to that stuff pretty quickly.

I met my fiance on Tinder.  We matched, talked for a couple hours, met for a drink and BAM! before I knew it, we had gone on 3 dates in a week.

Of course, I had to kiss a ton of frogs before that happened, but you have to learn to have fun with online dating.  Not everyone will be your prince charming and remember that chemistry online doesn’t always equate to the same chemistry in person.  Meet in public as soon as you can to see if there is chemistry.   If someone is dicking your around for weeks on end, move on.  

And always always always go with your gut.  If something seems off, do not feel pressured to meet up with them.  Just move on.

 

Post # 7
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

buzzingbeez14 :  I met my fiance on OkCupid and I would always recommend it. I liked that I could filter profiles by things such as if they had kids, wanted them, etc. My fiance was the second person I met in person from there and by the time we met in person I was already in love. I don’t know if its changed, but you could answer a bunch of questions to find out how much of a match you are. My fiance and I were only a 70% something match, but I liked going through and seeing how he answered things because it opened the door for conversations about things we differed on. I don’t really have any cons.

Post # 8
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I met my husband on eharmony. I loathed Internet dating and only met two people from it (one was a very nice man, and I enjoyed the date, but just as friends  The other I married.)

I’d say be open minded and give people a chance – I thought my husband was only OK from his profile. Also, a lot of guys either don’t reply, or email but never ask you out. I couldn’t be bothered with those guys, I wanted to meet fairly soon and not have a pen pal. 

Post # 9
Member
2131 posts
Buzzing bee

I met my husband on an app, and I tried tons of apps & sites before I met him (Match, OKcupid, Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble). I did it for the same reasons you’re considering it – my social circle is pretty small and I wasn’t getting asked out in person (does that happen anymore?), so it seemed like the only real way to meet people. I went on tons of dates – some good, some bad, some mediocre, some who ghosted and more who I just didn’t click with. Like all dating, you should just think of it as an introduction service. I’m not much for online chat and like PP I found that chemistry online was no indicator of chemistry in person, so I aimed to meet in person as early as possible and go from there. I didn’t put too much stock in any single date — I looked at is a fun experiment and tried to schedule dates where I’d get to do something fun (like see an interesting exhibit, try a new restaurant, etc) so that even if I didn’t end up hitting it off with the guy it wouldn’t be a waste. Eventually it worked because I met my husband. 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee

I met my SO on Hinge, but as PP have stated, the whole “kiss a lot of frogs” thing definitely applied to me. I’m 25 and live in a large city–most of my friends started online dating in college with Tinder, and many of my single friends still dabble with the cornicopia of dating apps (mostly Bumble and Hinge in my circle). For my lifestyle, those two were definitely the way to go; I’d highly recommend doing some research on your options of online dating services and seeing which one feels like the best “vibe” for you.

I’ll definitely say, for someone who was off and on these apps for a few years, they always made me a bit nervous. I’m an anxious person by nature, and I was always worried about who I might be going out for a drink with. For this reason, I did the (maybe ill-advised) thing of talking to someone for a good amount of time (anywhere between, like, four days and two weeks) on the app (or over texting if we switched over to that) before meeting up with them in person. In the end, I met some nice guys that didn’t work out, as well as a few assholes that I shut down immediately (well, almost immediately). For someone who frequents bars with their friends, I definitely found the dating apps to be a better, more cultivated option than the array of dudes I met when I was out!

I’ll also agree with secondtimer18 in that, when dating online, it’s very easy to write someone off the second you see their profile. The process can feel a little clinical, so you can subconciously start treating it as such. Definitely know/understand your personal dealbreakers and don’t compromise on those, but be open to different levels of initial attraction/connection! 🙂 

Post # 11
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t have much luck with match, but better on OK Cupid.  I met my current SO of 2’years there. 

Pros-  you’ll meet more people than in real life and you’ll know basic info. Easier than walking up to a stranger In The grocery store. 

Cons- people looking for sex, you have to go on a lot of bad dates to find a good one, people seem good the disappear.  You have to have thick skin.  I never felt unsafe.   Even with some of the losers. I’d recommend it to anyone single.  Just take it one date at a time and don’t ignore red flags.  Also if it’s right it won’t be hard. 

Post # 12
Member
591 posts
Busy bee

sharpshooter :  second this – if someone seems human whilst emailing / texting – meet in human ASAP. You will NOT know if you’re axtuallt attracted / have chemistry til you do. 

Chattinf via email / text can be VERY misleading..

Post # 13
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t be scared just be smart. Meet in a public restaurant. Take your time when getting to know someone. Trust your gut. 

I met my now boyfriend on bumble. Went to a wedding this year where the couple met on tinder and they have a new baby. It works. I didn’t like match that much personally. I liked bumble best. 

 

buzzingbeez14 :  

Post # 14
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Online dating is awesome because everyone on there is looking for a relationship. Whereas out in the real world you might see a person you think you’d be into and then find out they’re taken. You can browse through profiles like you’re at a buffet. My Fiance and I didn’t meet online but we had both previously had online dating profiles. I dated a couple guys I met on the site. And I know plenty of married couples who met online. And as for “meeting someone from the internet” basically everyone is on the internet these days. You can meet psychos in person just as easily as online. For example, I have an ex that’s a narcissist, abusive, manipulative, scary AF. And I’d known him in person for 10 years before we dated. We had mutual friends. And he turned out to be a psycho. So I don’t think online dating is riskier than any other type of dating. 

Post # 15
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I met my husband on Tinder, so I’m a big proponent of online dating! It was an adventure. I definitely wanted to settle down at some point, but I didn’t go into it with any kind of make or break mentality. I met lots of great guys, 2 crappy ones, and the love of my life! I’d say those odds are pretty good! 

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