(Closed) protector rather than lover?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 5
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m usually one to say whatever works for a couple is fine. My only concern is that when a relationship is “parental” as you describe the child-like one eventually grows up and you run the risk of wanting rebellion in the “teenage” years of your relationship.

Post # 6
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

To be honest, I see absolutely no chance of it if he says he’s ok with never having sex.

Post # 7
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ejbri:  Different relationships work for different reasons… to me personally, I’m not sure if it could stand the long run.  You both at some point may crave a more intimate, sexual type of love.  But I would recommend talking with a professional relationship counselor to see what they have to say since all you’re going to get here is a bunch of us online amateurs (I don’t mean it in a bad way, just this doesn’t replace professional assistance).

Post # 9
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

My husband definitely plays the role of “protector”. On one hand he does take care of me in many ways. I would also say that I do appeal to his protective side, because he likes when I stroke his manly “provider” ego, and frankly I’m a little old fashioned and I like that he is the provider sort. 

But at the same time, he definitely is also my “lover”. He sees me as a sexual being at the same time he sees me as someone he wants to take care of. He is also my friend, my best friend. He sees me as his wife, his life partner. 

My question is… is his lack of sexual interest starting to bother you, or not? He could just have a low sex drive, I don’t think that automotically means he thinks of you as a sister he just wants to coddle and not also as his partner in life. It also doesn’t sound like he’s trying to control you. I suggest talking to him about this and see where that goes.

Post # 10
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d see a counciller. I was in the same type of relationship as you at the same time. When I turned 20, I wanted some freedom. I wanted to drink (just a glass of wine once in awhile type of thing), he said no, I wanted to go with some friends, he said they weren’t mature enough, I wanted to buy a car, he said only he needed to drive because he had more experience.

There was only so much “I’m more mature and more responsible” I could take.

That being said, he was actually much LESS mature and ended up becoming a drug addict and never had a job in the 2.5 years we were together.

Regardless, if you see him as a father figure, who knows what will happen

Post # 15
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sorry, but it seems weird to me… my husband is 7 years older me. Its not that big of an age gap and he dosn’t act like a father to me. My parents are divorced. my dad is no longer around, I do not have “daddy” issues to the point that I have to find a replacement…

Post # 16
661 posts
Busy bee

Hi there.

This whole post confuses me a bit :S.

You keep saying, AM I LOOKING FOR A FATHER FIGURE? You are not dating a 50 year old? He is only 7 years older, yes, more mature and a bit more experienced, but he is not old enough to be your father, nor to have the experience or know how that a father would, so no, I don’t really think he is a father figure to you….perhaps if you grew up without a father, you may seek that authority and protection from a man that you missed growing up, but I would not read too much into it, perhaps seek counciling FOR YOURSELF first to deal with your absent father issues.

If you want to take things further sexually and he does not, what is his reason, has he given you any? Is he a healthy man, does he ‘function’ well, have you done ANYTHING sexual together in the time you have been a couple?

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