(Closed) Protects his phone with his life: Would that be a deal breaker for you?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you accept your SO having a password protected phone he refuses to let you see?
    I would assume he is hiding something and would insist on getting the password. : (113 votes)
    45 %
    I would worry he's hiding something, but wouldn't jump to conclusions. : (78 votes)
    31 %
    I would assume he just wants privacy, but isn't up to no good. : (29 votes)
    12 %
    I wouldn't care because I would trust him anyway. : (25 votes)
    10 %
    My SO has a password protected phone I don't get to use/see, and keeps the password from me. : (6 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think that wanting to have something private from your SO automatically means something is up. My Darling Husband doesn’t check my phone…because it’s MY phone. My friends text me, and we have private conversations about their lives that quite frankly, aren’t his business. It would piss me off it I was texting my bff about something private, and I knew her husband was reading all the messages. 

    It would be one thing if there were other factors…if he was going out all the time, not interested n sex, or if he seemed different or “off”. But if everything else was normal and the only thing was that he didn’t want me going through his phone then I wouldn’t jump to the assumption he was cheating.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1193 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I don’t have an issue with some privacy, my Fiance takes his iPad into the bathroom, but I know he’s just reading his wrestling app or playing Hanging with Friends. Neither of our phones have passwords and if he suddenly added one without provocation then, yeah, I’d think something shady was going on.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1541 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    SO and I have the same passwords. I’ve never ever snooped through his phone and same with him on mine (as far as i know). I also know his email passwords with no intention of snooping.

     

    I think people can have privacy, but I do think it’s weird he’s sooooo protective. It would weird me out for sure. Something must be going on

    We have eachother’s passwords because often when one of us is driving, the other will check their phone is someone texts us.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    1622 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It would really bother me if my husband were that freakish about keeping the contents of his phone from me.  I have no need or desire to see his phone nor have I ever expressed the need or desire to which would mean that he would have no reason to want to have his phone on his person at all times except to hide something from me.  It wouldn’t be him password-protecting his phone that would bother me, it would be the extent to which your friend’s husband went to keep his phone from her that would bother me. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4869 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    FH’s phone is usually password protected and he changes it all the time (but he’s just like that and changes the wallpaper all the time too). It’s not a big deal. If I wanted to use it, he’d unlock it for me. 

    If he was behaving like your friend’s husband, though, I would be really concerned. I take my phone to the bathroom, especially at night to use it as a flashlight, so that wouldn’t bother me, but everything else would. It’s just… weird. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My FI’s computer is password protected and his email, too.  I’m sure he knows all of my passwords, but we don’t really go through each other’s stuff like that.

    However, your friend’s case is different.  It’s clear he’s hiding something from her because of how obsessed he is.  Do they share an account?  Why doesn’t she call the phone company and get the records?  Phone companies have texts and everything. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    If my Darling Husband was acting like your friends … “husband” ..i would have already had the bills pulled to see what numbers were being called/txt.  I’m all for privacy but there’s a line.  I have to look out for myself and my well being and if it’s a big deal that your wife not have you’re passcode? then all bets are off. 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    9056 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    My husband and I don’t share passwords to most things just because neither of us is that interested in what’s going on there.  And neither of us really like anybody going through our phones, but mostly that’s for the privacy of the friends/family that we correspond with, and I don’t need him judging my taste in apps and guilty pleasure music, and don’t need to know how much he’s sucking at his hockey pool. 

    But if he suddenly started sleeping with his phone to prevent me from possibly looking at it… yeah, that would be a little weird.

    Post # 11
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think in your friend’s case it certainly seems suspicious. I’ve seen a sort of cultural thing happening lately where SOs have each others passwords, or feel that they MUST have access to any and all social media, contact methods, etc… to me this seems a bit silly. If your SO is going to cheat or do something untrustworthy, they will find a way outside of these mechanisms. Also, it really shows a lack of trust, and possibly communication within the relationship.

    This was not at all directed towards your friend, this is just something I’ve noticed within people of my generation and younger.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    @bunnyharriet:  My Darling Husband has a password phone but he doesn’t hide it from me. Its more like if it gets lost/stolen & he has personal info he wouldn’t want anyone to have access to. Such as a bank app or personal photos, etc. He also takes it with him everywhere, but he doesn’t guard it & doesn’t sleep with it. If I asked to see it, he’d let me & wouldn’t care. He also likes to always have music with him so he takes it to the bathroom with him & will play the music on speaker when he showers. I take mine to the bathroom with me also. Except I don’t like my Darling Husband messing with my phone because he will add an app or change settings, trying to be helpful. I don’t care what he sees on it, I just don’t want him changing things ha! However he did download a game on my phone that I love so sometimes its a good thing when he adds stuff :).

    Post # 13
    Member
    9074 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Wouldn’t bother me. My husband doesn’t look at my phone or computer (Even though he has complete unrestricted access to both) and I don’t look at either of his.

    We trust each other. He takes his phone everywhere.

    Everyone is entitled to privacy. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have things that are yours and yours alone.

    Post # 15
    Member
    20 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    My FI’s company requires all devices receiving work email to be password protected.  I know his phone password, but don’t feel any need to snoop.  I don’t think I’d have a problem if he didn’t give me the password as long as he would unlock it if I asked.  This guy’s behavior definitely sounds suspicious.

    Post # 16
    Member
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I know FI’s passwords on stuff just because Ive looked things up for him or made a call whos number was in his phonebook. I dont look through it and never asked for them anyways. If he did all of a sudden become controling over the item I dont think it would bother me unless it got obsessive. He kinda hid stuff before but that was because he was planning the proposal and some surprise visits and getaways for us. 

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