Post # 1
My friend’s husband password protected his phone. She asked why and he said it’s so no one would look through it at work. She asked if she could have the password and he said no. He knows her password, but wouldn’t give her his. He insisted he has nothing to hide, but refused to give her the password. Over the past couple months, she gently voiced that she feels uncomfortable with him having a phone he refuses to let her see, and she’d like the password since he says he isn’t hiding anything. He flat out refused. He would take the phone even if he was just going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, even though it’s password protected.
Fast forward to last Tuesday and he said he wants a divorce. Long story short, all signs seem to point to him fooling around with some girl he works with. He has been even more protective of his phone as of late. He takes it with him everywhere, sleeps with it under his arm (I shit you not), and doesn’t let anyone touch it, ever. I would have been suspicious of him just for the simple fact that he was so obsessed with hiding his phone. Now it seems obvious why; he is probably cheating and that was his tool which is probably full of evidence.
Anyway, I’m curious, would you accept your SO having a phone they password protect, refuse to ever let you use/look through, and they take it with them everywhere, even on a short trip to the bathroom?
Post # 3
I don’t think that wanting to have something private from your SO automatically means something is up. My Darling Husband doesn’t check my phone…because it’s MY phone. My friends text me, and we have private conversations about their lives that quite frankly, aren’t his business. It would piss me off it I was texting my bff about something private, and I knew her husband was reading all the messages.
It would be one thing if there were other factors…if he was going out all the time, not interested n sex, or if he seemed different or “off”. But if everything else was normal and the only thing was that he didn’t want me going through his phone then I wouldn’t jump to the assumption he was cheating.
Post # 4
I don’t have an issue with some privacy, my Fiance takes his iPad into the bathroom, but I know he’s just reading his wrestling app or playing Hanging with Friends. Neither of our phones have passwords and if he suddenly added one without provocation then, yeah, I’d think something shady was going on.
Post # 5
SO and I have the same passwords. I’ve never ever snooped through his phone and same with him on mine (as far as i know). I also know his email passwords with no intention of snooping.
I think people can have privacy, but I do think it’s weird he’s sooooo protective. It would weird me out for sure. Something must be going on
We have eachother’s passwords because often when one of us is driving, the other will check their phone is someone texts us.
Post # 6
It would really bother me if my husband were that freakish about keeping the contents of his phone from me. I have no need or desire to see his phone nor have I ever expressed the need or desire to which would mean that he would have no reason to want to have his phone on his person at all times except to hide something from me. It wouldn’t be him password-protecting his phone that would bother me, it would be the extent to which your friend’s husband went to keep his phone from her that would bother me.
Post # 7
FH’s phone is usually password protected and he changes it all the time (but he’s just like that and changes the wallpaper all the time too). It’s not a big deal. If I wanted to use it, he’d unlock it for me.
If he was behaving like your friend’s husband, though, I would be really concerned. I take my phone to the bathroom, especially at night to use it as a flashlight, so that wouldn’t bother me, but everything else would. It’s just… weird.
Post # 8
My FI’s computer is password protected and his email, too. I’m sure he knows all of my passwords, but we don’t really go through each other’s stuff like that.
However, your friend’s case is different. It’s clear he’s hiding something from her because of how obsessed he is. Do they share an account? Why doesn’t she call the phone company and get the records? Phone companies have texts and everything.
Post # 9
If my Darling Husband was acting like your friends … “husband” ..i would have already had the bills pulled to see what numbers were being called/txt. I’m all for privacy but there’s a line. I have to look out for myself and my well being and if it’s a big deal that your wife not have you’re passcode? then all bets are off.
Post # 10
My husband and I don’t share passwords to most things just because neither of us is that interested in what’s going on there. And neither of us really like anybody going through our phones, but mostly that’s for the privacy of the friends/family that we correspond with, and I don’t need him judging my taste in apps and guilty pleasure music, and don’t need to know how much he’s sucking at his hockey pool.
But if he suddenly started sleeping with his phone to prevent me from possibly looking at it… yeah, that would be a little weird.
Post # 11
I think in your friend’s case it certainly seems suspicious. I’ve seen a sort of cultural thing happening lately where SOs have each others passwords, or feel that they MUST have access to any and all social media, contact methods, etc… to me this seems a bit silly. If your SO is going to cheat or do something untrustworthy, they will find a way outside of these mechanisms. Also, it really shows a lack of trust, and possibly communication within the relationship.
This was not at all directed towards your friend, this is just something I’ve noticed within people of my generation and younger.
Post # 12
@bunnyharriet: My Darling Husband has a password phone but he doesn’t hide it from me. Its more like if it gets lost/stolen & he has personal info he wouldn’t want anyone to have access to. Such as a bank app or personal photos, etc. He also takes it with him everywhere, but he doesn’t guard it & doesn’t sleep with it. If I asked to see it, he’d let me & wouldn’t care. He also likes to always have music with him so he takes it to the bathroom with him & will play the music on speaker when he showers. I take mine to the bathroom with me also. Except I don’t like my Darling Husband messing with my phone because he will add an app or change settings, trying to be helpful. I don’t care what he sees on it, I just don’t want him changing things ha! However he did download a game on my phone that I love so sometimes its a good thing when he adds stuff :).
Post # 13
Wouldn’t bother me. My husband doesn’t look at my phone or computer (Even though he has complete unrestricted access to both) and I don’t look at either of his.
We trust each other. He takes his phone everywhere.
Everyone is entitled to privacy. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have things that are yours and yours alone.
Post # 15
My FI’s company requires all devices receiving work email to be password protected. I know his phone password, but don’t feel any need to snoop. I don’t think I’d have a problem if he didn’t give me the password as long as he would unlock it if I asked. This guy’s behavior definitely sounds suspicious.
Post # 16
I know FI’s passwords on stuff just because Ive looked things up for him or made a call whos number was in his phonebook. I dont look through it and never asked for them anyways. If he did all of a sudden become controling over the item I dont think it would bother me unless it got obsessive. He kinda hid stuff before but that was because he was planning the proposal and some surprise visits and getaways for us.