Prudent planning while fighting my demons

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee

You certainly aren’t doomed. You’re only 32 and you have plenty of time to accomplish the things you want. It sounds like your relationship is off to a promising start. That said, you’re also only 4 months in, so I think the best thing you can do – easier said than done of course – is to stop putting pressure on this to be your lifelong relationship. It’s great that you feel it’s headed that way, but don’t sabotage and put pressure when you’re still in the early stages. Just try to relax and enjoy it. This should be the honeymoon stage, so have fun for now, keep your eyes open for red flags, and worry about next steps later. 

There’s something in your post I’m a little unclear on. You say “I’ve done the self help books, the therapy, the meditation and the medication.” Does that mean you’re currently doing these things, or have done them in the past and aren’t any longer? If you’re still doing them, great – you’re doing what you can and you have to trust that things will work out. If you did them in the past and aren’t right now, I would recommend revisiting the strategies that worked for you. Self-improvement is a process that’s never really finished, especially when coping with a chronic issue like OCD. Since clearly there is unresolved insecurity and anxiety at play, it’s important to figure out which strategies work for you to keep those feelings in check. 

Wishing you the best! 

Post # 4
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t think you should rush into moving into his place. Why not take some time to date and see how the relationship goes? 

Post # 5
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Have to agree with PP, I wouldn’t move in with someone I’ve only been dating for 4 months, even if you’ve known him for years. This is especially not a good idea with a child in the picture. Take it from someone who didn’t meet their SO till after 35 and who married at 40 – renew your lease for another year and let your relationship grow before putting pressure on it. 

Post # 7
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

One year is really not that long. What’s wrong with spending more time in the “getting to know you” phase? It sounds like you have rushed into things in the past. I think I was with Darling Husband for 2 years before we moved in together. 

Moving in with someone puts a lot of pressure on the relationship. 

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