Post # 1
My wedding is on NYE and we are almost 2 weeks away. Realizing this was a holiday, we sent out STD 18 months in advance (since we said no kids) and sent out invitations in October with an RSVP deadline right before Thanksgiving. My logic was that families would have to figure out the babysitter situation and what they wanted to do for NYE which is pretty big in Chicago (must be the cold weather).
We are having a very small wedding (~100 ppl) and as a consequence we could not invite everyone based on our budget. However, given that our wedding is during the holidays, we are getting asked by friends and family if other ppl who are close to them (but not to us) can come to our wedding partially because they want to celebrate NYE and are in town.
I feel like I’m in a no win situation – I look like a bridezilla if I say “no” and if I say “yes” then we have added to our overall cost at $200 per new person for food and additional costs for rentals and flowers for the tables.
Plus, I’m peeved that people are asking us so late – I know that it’s NYE and people are starting to make plans in general about this time but I’m just irritated that they thought it would be “no big deal to ask”.
Any suggestions on how to handle?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
You are definitely NOT a bridezilla if you say no! Why would people think it’s okay to just randomly add people to your guest list?! If it’s not in your budget, just say “I’m sorry, but we’re on a budget and we can’t afford to have any more people attend”.
Post # 4
Maybe suggest that people can bring their guest after dinner is served, so that you don’t have to pay for their food but they can still ring in the new year.
Alternately, suggest that if they want to bring additional guests (who you guys do not know) that they pay for their own guests. Explain the cost. I think if most people understood it was an extra $200 per person, they would reconsider their request.
While I understand that people are telling you last minute, you have to keep in mind that most people don’t plan their NYE so far in advance and that it is a big holiday for everyone, so it’s likely your guests are not trying to be intentionally rude by asking so late in the game.
Post # 5
It’s extremely rude of them to ask, but you need to stand your ground and just politely tell those people that unfortunately, no, they cannot include extra people that were not invited to your wedding. I don’t think it’s bridezilla at ALL to say no to extra uninvited guests! If it is more important to people that they spend NYE with people who were not invited to your wedding, then I would just be sweet, smile, and let them know you completely understand their choice and that you will miss seeing them at your wedding.
Post # 6
I agree with everyone else, it’s very rude to be doing this to you and you are NOT a “bridezilla” for saying no! What has saved us so far is gently explaining to people (who won’t take no for an answer) that our venue is at capacity, and for safety reasons we can’t invite additional people. This is actually true for us, and might be a little white lie for you, but if you don’t want to get into explaining the cost of everything, it seems to be an explanation no one is fighting!!
Post # 7
Wow – talk about rude. Do they realize it’s a wedding they were invited to and not just some fancy NYE shindig that you’re throwing? (that’s sarcasm btw)
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I wish I had good advice for you but unfortunately I would probably handle it badly myself with a snarky remark like the one above. You gave your guests plenty time in advance to plan. I think you have every right to be angry.
Post # 8
I would not pay for people to bring others to your wedding when you don’t even know them! They knew that your wedding was over the holiday long ago so I don’t see why they invited people from out of town, it isn’t even that big of a holiday to have guests over anyway! I say that they can only bring people if they pay for the guests since you can’t afford to pay $200 for people that you don’t know.
Post # 9
that’s crazy that people think it’s ok to invite people you don’t know to your wedding! it’s not bridezilla of you to say no, there’s no reason for you to be paying for strangers meals, or to have them at your wedding to begin with. they got your std way in advance, they knew that they had a wedding then, if they wanted to spend new years in another way with those people, they could have rsvp’ed no.
Post # 10
Yeah, these people are just being inconsiderate. I really don’t think people who haven’t planned a wedding know how hard and expensive, and EMOTIONAL it is. Just say know. You gave them all practically a million years to work their stuff out. These guests are perfectly free to leave after cake and party at a club. You have no obligation to pay for their friends to party.
Post # 11
I agree that it’s quite ballsy for anyone to ask if they can invite extra people to your wedding. I don’t think you’re out of line by letting them know your budget has been met and unfortunately, no other people can attend.
You could go the route of inviting people after dinner, but if you’re having any type of food after midnight, they will count towards your headcount, and you definitely don’t want that either!
My vote is to just let people know that right now, unless they want to pay the extra $200 for their guests to come, it’s out of the question.
Post # 12
I am with nearly everyone else- Either say NO out right (if you have to, say the venue is at capacity or that its too late to add to the caterer’s head count) OR say they can bring them if they shell out $200 per person 9including children). It is ridiculous and Rude for them to not only be asking SOO late, but to be asking at all! We had a guest come visit us over a weekend a friend had her wedding and we asked her about it 2 months before she even sent out official invitations (we’re not physically close, but we chat online all the time and I knew we were invited!). If she had said no, I would have simply found something for our guest (who flew in from another country) to do while we attended her wedding.
Post # 13
monitajb, i think you said it best: “people who haven’t planned a wedding don’t know how hard and expensive and emotional it is.” they really don’t so cut them a little slack. remember, this is your wedding but to them it’s kind of like a party, even more so because this is happening on NYE. you’re not being a bridezilla for saying no. that is a proper response. simply explain that you understand that they want to bring whomever but that you simply can’t accomodate any additional guests and leave it at that.
Post # 14
I know that you probably don’t want random people sharing this special day with you, but my stance is “You pay for ’em” I want everyone to have a great time at my wedding, and if you want to bring the guy you’ve been dating for 5 days, then you can pay for them. If I haven’t met them, they aren’t invited! Sorry!
Post # 15
Oh hun, your post SCREAMED to me. I am going through the same EXACT thing! And we are getting married new years day. I am so frustrated!
Totally feel your pain, we invited a close friend of my mother, and when she didn’t rsvp, I emailed her to ask if she was coming. Her response: “Oh yeah, me and my husband will come, we would like the steak. Oh yeah, and my daughter and her boyfriend are coming too, she will have the pasta, and him the steak.” (I don’t even know her daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
RARRRRRRRR! I couldn’t believe it. And since then, I’ve had a few people ask if their friends can also come. But hey, they “totally understand if they can’t bring them, but just let them know if their aunts boyfriends mom’s friend can come.”
Nothing like putting someone on the spot! People are RUDE. UGH.
Ok, rant over. I will go back to being a sophisticated, mature, elegant bride now. 😉
Post # 16
Stick to your guns! I think just about every bride encounters these requests, in one form or another. (I know I did!)
Tell them that you’d love to open your reception to more people, but unfortunately that will not be possible.
Give them one of the more obvious reasons….catering is already finalized, seating is already finalized, the size of the venue is near capacity, you want to save room for the guests who declined but may still show up, etc.