Post # 1
I reminded Darling Husband last night that we’re planning to have sex to night because I’m fertile, and he was grumpy about it. He’s working 2 jobs and comes home tired, and I really feel bad for him. He kept saying that if he’s just too physically exhausted we aren’t having sex and I kept saying that I’m fertile, and the window is closing for this cycle, and we agreed we’d start trying in July. One of those arguments where we were just at an impasse.
So I’m looking for advice. What can I do when he gets home to get him excited about having baby sex tonight? Ideally I want this to be fun and romantic–he’s always said the idea of knocking me up is a turn on. But at the same time I know that it becomes kind of tedious work for a lot of couples. This is only our first time trying in earnest, though, so you’d think we wouldn’t be there yet!
Any ideas for getting a tired guy going?
Post # 3
Guys tend to be very visual creatures. Lingerie usually does the trick for us. That and me being the initiator when he isn’t there yet, which is rarely. haha. One fun thing is to try new places. Not sure about your own sex life, but just doing the deed in other areas of the house is kind of fun for us. Like, straddling him on the couch with lingerie on….what guy is going to say no?? Lol.
Good luck and baby dust to you guys! 🙂
Post # 4
As you “might” find yourselves at this for awhile (or get lucky, right off the bat… and not have to)
I would suggest that the “first” baby-making round not be a pain-in-the-butt… seem like work for him (Guys can be really antsy about feeling they are around to just be sperm-donors in this situation… when a Wife comes off as being too eager / too much of a drill seargent)
Otherwise, it could sadly set the tone for the whole TTC timeframe.
Don’t know your age, etc… but if you are under 35, and have regular periods, and no other serious health issues, you shouldn’t find this is an endless challenge (you’ll be pregnant in under a year statistically) … so no need to feel that the first round and the minute you are ovulating are DO OR DIE (that panic attack can come later on down the road if need be)
Give him his space… if it happens it happens
(You can watch “the clock / calendar”… and do what needs to be done on your behalf… but there is no need to convey all that info to him continually, IMO)
Just my 2 cents.
Post # 5
It won’t work for this month, but maybe for next month, try not telling him when you’re fertile. I know my Darling Husband gets really grumpy when he feels like he’s performing on command! I knew when I was ovulating and initiated more that time of the month, but I also tried to keep up our sex life the rest of the month so it wasn’t too unusual. Point being, gotta make him feel like you want him just for him and not just for his baby making abilities 😉
Also, when this issue came up for us, Darling Husband told me that he’s less tired in the morning. A lot of times he just wants to sleep when he gets home at night. Maybe you guys could try a different time of day?
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 6
Well, maybe don’t remind him you have predetermined/scheduled task-driven sex to have that night. I understand you want to start a family and that’s beautiful but what definitely isn’t beautiful is turning that sex into a chore that needs to be accomplished after a long day and I can totally see where he’s coming from. I see nothing wrong with giving him the heads up when that time of month is approaching. But maybe on the day of and you want it to happen, make it happen the old fashion spontaneous way. Lingerie. Show up naked in the living room. Whatever you imagine. That usually makes them forget about the tired. 🙂
Post # 7
I agree with AmeliaBedelia, wear something sexy.
And treat him special randomly all month, so he doesn’t feel like he’s just being “used”.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t make it about “baby making”… just fun, great, sex. Bring out the lingerie, sexting, whatever you would normally do to get him ready and excited for it. I find a lot of guys are all up for sex until they realize it’s just for the “baby making” and they just don’t get in the mood…
Post # 9
I hear you! We’ve had a bit of this happening too. I realised that he was starting to feel pressured. a few things I have done are try and make it seem more spontaneous, don’t always tell him when you think you are fertile, try and have sex earlier in the evening instead of right before bed when he is just too tired. I will be reading all these tips too as we need them!
Post # 10
Well, the reason I told him I’m fertile is because he said the idea turns him on. I thought it would get him excited, and maybe it will when the moment comes.
I told him to expect to have sex tonight because sometimes when I initiate or do anything new and he doesn’t expect it, he says I’m “springing” something on him at the last minute and he’s not prepared and he just has this knee-jerk reaction against whatever it is I’m doing. Didn’t want that to happen with sex tonight, so I warned him and he’s had the day (since Thursday really) to prepare.
Are these bad ideas? Should I stop doing this as the cycles go on?
I’m 28 and there’s no reason right now to think we’ll have problems. I come from very fertile stock–my mom had 7 kids, my paternal grandmother had 18 kids, several paternal aunts had 5 or more…
Post # 11
Don’t tell him! A lot of guys may feel too much pressure when you tell them you are ovulating and also feel like they are having sex for the sake of a baby and not enjoyement. You are going to need to make the first move and initiate sex instead of telling him you are ovulating. If you know he’s going to be a little tired and you are ovulation then throw on some sexy lingerie and be waiting for him when he gets home. I doubt he’ll turn you down then.
Post # 12
@marjojo: It sounds like he may be the kind of guy that wants to know ahead of time, but doesnt really at the same time. I know confusing right? So maybe give him a calender he can check for himself so he can initiate or at least know whats coming.
Its also possible he really is just too tired so youll have to try again next month.
And if he doesnt normally like surprises, talk with him about how during TTC to expect surprises, so that its not so shocking. Also, make sure you instigate when you are not at your prime fertile days so he doesnt feel like he’s being used, like other PPs suggested and he will get more used to you starting the hanky panky :)-
Post # 13
My Darling Husband knows when we’re “baby making” vs. just having fun and so it does get a bit hard sometimes (though he’s always such a sport about it and in general he has been a champ!). He recommended to me once that sometimes doing it in the morning is easier — I think because he’s still half asleep and still on “auto-pilot” so doesn’t quite realize that he’s being “used for baby making.” Not sure how your Darling Husband would respond, but you could try waking him up early enough for some morning fun.