Post # 1
I’m feeling so defeated, bees. I feel like PTSD on a variety of levels has completely taken over my life.
My husband is a combat veteran with PTSD. It’s been getting worse for a few years and really came to a head a few weeks ago when he had a complete breakdown. Luckily he has begun to see someone (something I’ve been fighting for for years) so I’m trying to be positive and view it as what we needed for him to finally realized he needed help. But his PTSD bleeds into our everyday life constantly in so many ways and stressful situations, such as us beginning IVF and going through a loss recently, really make it worse.
I also am beginning to think I have PTSD from my ectopic pregnancy in December. My husband and I have been TTC for two years and in October we got pregnant on our third IUI. It was bad news from the get-go and a super traumatic few weeks of bloodwork and ultrasounds every 48 hours, numbers rising as they should but everyone still being pessimistic, a biopsy, methotrexate injections and finally my tube rupturing and needing emergency surgery to remove my tube and my baby after I was bleeding internally. I had a really hard time for a month or two after surgery but I feel like now that we are finally starting IVF, it’s all come crashing down again. I feel my motor tics increasing (I have a tic disorder, think Tourette’s but no verbal tics), my OCD is so bad and overall I’m really anxious, emotional and depressed. I had my mock transfer this week and it was in the same room I had my Karman biopsy in while I was pregnant and I broke down. I can’t get my baby off my mind and find myself crying almost daily and obsessing about it happening again (whether ectopic or just another loss). I’m also now in therapy and love my therapist and am hopeful she can help me navigate pregnancy with my severe anxiety and potential PTSD.
Anyway, I’m not sure what I’m looking to get out of this post. My friends, family and husband have all been amazingly supportive but sometimes I feel so weird and guilty for still harboring so much sadness for my loss. I think going through that and now proceeding to IVF, which is stressful in itself, is causing so much anxiety for both my husband and I and it’s beginning to become overwhelming and all consuming. Blah.
Post # 2
Don’t feel guilty or weird. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Are you seeing a therapist for your grief and a psychiatrist for your other disorders? If not, I’d start there. Also my doctor told me to keep a journal which I recommend, it has helped me a lot with my anxiety.
Post # 3
Oh my god I don’t blame you at all. I’m so sorry about your loss OP. You’ve had a rough time with pregnancy and I totally understand why you’d be feeling anxious and worried. Hugs.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m so so sorry for your loss. It wasn’t just the loss of a pregnancy, it was the loss of your child, of course you are grieving! There is nothing to feel guilty over here.
Post # 5
Oh bee, how my heart goes out to you. I can relate to having an SO with PTSD, as my last relationship to the love of my life (also a combat vet) ended due to this horrendous condition. I highly recommend you check out the website myptsd.com. There’s tons of helpful info on there plus an incredible community that rallies around sufferers and supporters alike. Also, please feel free to reach out to me directly if you’d like anymore info or resources or just to vent. I’m here for you!
Post # 6
I am sooo sorry bee, that all sounds extremely difficult to be navigating simultaneously. I am so glad you are both seeking help. If your husband hasn’t already, have him look into/ask his provider about a stellate ganglion block. It has the potential to be life changing for him.
Post # 7
You should absolutely not feel weird or guilty. All emotions and feelings are valid. I have no advice to give you other than a big virtual hug.
Post # 8
@BeepBopB00p: I think going through that and now proceeding to IVF, which is stressful in itself, is causing so much anxiety for both my husband and I and it’s beginning to become overwhelming and all consuming. Blah.
Do you think it might be a good idea to postpone IVF/further fertility treatment? If it’s become to stressful that you feel overwhelmed then it might be better to take a break for your emotional and mental health.
Post # 9
I’ve talked to my therapist about this and she thinks that going through it is going to bring up bad memories no matter when we do it. We just need to develop better coping strategies and work through it, luckily each of us have help/support. I’ve definitely thought of this, although I think furthering our chance at parenthood and waiting longer would be so challenging after so long of waiting
Post # 10
I am so sorry for you loss.
My husband has PTSD. I cannot imagine having a new baby when he was at his worst, especially if I had also been going through PTSD. I would think about waiting until both of you are in a healthier state.