- 5 years ago
I’ve touched on this topic once before on these boards and I guess I’m just looking now to voice my pain and maybe get some helpful (friendly) input.
I’ve known my Boyfriend or Best Friend for close to 15 years or so. We’ve been serious and living together for the last three years. I love him and at his best he is the most wonderful loving man, and I know his love is strong and deep. Immediately I felt I was with ‘the one’ and mostly throughout I have been confident we were meant to be, but over the course of this relationship his deamons have slipped out little by little and I think it’s been this last year I’ve really started to notice it’s truly not going to change for the better. It took me a while to grasp the severity of his PTSD (or perhaps it’s just gotten worse) and I’m at the point where I think I need to kick him out – but I think that makes me an awful person to “give up on him” so to speak.
I pay for our bills and support him nearly entirely, he hasn’t held a job for longer than a few weeks at time in the last three years (he does receive disability though). He smokes pot constatly (needs it for his issues he says), and I gather drinks a handful of beers a day. I can’t account for how much is consumed while I’m out. He never really leaves the apt. Nor does he take care of the home that he’s in all day. I come home to a messy house, sink full of dishes, no food prepared, cat meowing for dinner, etc.
For at least this last year we have literally not done anything fun on weekends or after work. We’ve gone out for maybe a few dinners, but for the most part we sit home all day while he smokes and plays video games and I rot away wishing we could spend time together. I took a month off of work in the spring under the guise that we would take a trip out west, but little by little his excuses and delays made it apparant he had no intention of going. I’ve noticed he basically does this with every plan we make and I’m at the point where I feel he’s intentionally sabotaging things to avoid going anywhere or doing anything because of his anxiety. I refuse to drink around him any more and try to dissuade him from doing so as well as he gets extremely angry upon drinking.
In fact he’s pretty quick to anger these days even unrelated to alcohol. He was cold and ignored me last night (Christmas Eve) so I went to bed alone. Today we were okay in the morning, but he became enraged when we disagreed on a light topic. I had to cancel our Christmas plans of going to a friend and I literally ignored my mother’s skype because I was too ashamed to put on a fake smile and give her some excuse for why he wasn’t in view.
I feel so devastated at how our lives have turned out. I don’t know what to do anymore. or if it’s fixable..
All I can think is that I need him to get out on his own and figure his life out (get a job, get back on a healthy path, find peace, and then come back to me) but I imagine that I’m just terrible for giving up on someone who clearly has problems. I also imagine he won’t do so well without me putting this roof over his head..
I asked him to go to the VA today and he would not go. He did go to therapy about a year ago but it made him so miserable he quit after a few sessions.
I feel so lost. I won’t tell anyone I know personally how bad it is because I’m ashamed for us and embarrassed to air his issues to others.
Would you move on from him for the sake of yourself or should I stand by him to help him through even though I feel like I’m fading myself. When is enough enough when it affects your own personal mental health.
I mean it’s christmas and I spent it alone in my room crying. 🙁