(Closed) PTSD? Oh my! :(

posted 9 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) i have no advice at all but i’m sure some of these brilliant bees will know exactly what to say.

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Do you think he would be up for talking with a therapist or something?  I don’t know that much about PTSD but I think that talking to someone might help him to learn how to handle his anger.

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Miss Lily, I know exactly how you feel.  Fiance has PTSD pretty bad too..I can’t tell you how many hours we’ve spent at the VA..how many medications they’ve  put him on.

FI’s gets really bad at night – he’s ruined so many pairs of sheets because he just sweats so much.  For the most part, there’s really nothing you can do but be patient.  It’s really hard, and it seems so counterproductive, but honestly it’s really all you can do.  If he starts getting violent, it’s time to rethink the situation.  Is he still in the military?  You can talk to the FRG (or if he’s not in the Army, whatever the equivalent to that is in his branch).  If he’s out, and if he has a caseworker at the VA, talk to the caseworker.  FI’s caseworker has been so helpful for us.

Fiance also takes lorazepam (adavan) to help with nerves, and he’s going to start therapy soon to help (we’ll see how that goes) and we’re going to go to couple’s counseling as well.  I try to be as supportive as I can with him, and it’s hard.  Somedays it’s going to feel like an uphill battle (especially when they prescribe Ambien and he still doesn’t sleep), but other days, it’s worth it.

I’m sorry that you have to go through this too

Post # 6
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Does the military have a therapy program? It would be a good thing for him to be in for a whole. Sending (lots and lots and lots of) love and well wishes your way, I can only imagine how hard it is right now.

Post # 7
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

I highly recommend having a conversation about him seeing a counselor/therapist.  The military has a lot of options for counseling that would be free for the service member.  PTSD is serious and potentially dangerous if not addressed.  Take the signs seriously.  Here are some resources:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml

Even if he doesn’t want to go to therapy, please consider it for yourself.  You will get tools and resources to help you deal with it too. 

I can’t imagine what some of our service members go through.  War is enough to drive anyone crazy.  I’m really grateful for the job that your husband has done for his country and I think there are some good resources out there if he’s willing to take the step.  I think that you could set up a time when he’s calm and not agitated where you could read a letter or prepare some thoughts about how his PTSD is affecting you and your marriage.  Then ask him to consider pursuing a solution and tell him that you support him.

I wish I could help more – hang in there hon!

 

Post # 9
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I have PTSD from prolonged abuse in my last marriage. I can’t imagine being someone who has returned from war because it must be so much more traumatic. I hope that things get better soon.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t have any advice (i was worried about Darling Husband when he got back from Iraq, but he was only “mildly depressed” and snapped out of it in a month or so once he got back into things) but I do know that PTSD is no joking matter and it sounds scary. What you’re dealing with is more than just his attitude–you’ve woken up in a headlock and they do tend to relive moments. I think it’s definitely time to pursue some more options–therapy, counseling, SOMETHING to help him deal. He’s sounding dangerous. Do you know what happened when he was over there? The FRG should have some information for you, or check out the branch’s homepage. Good luck. If he has a slew of other issues going on, those all need to be addressed, too. 

Post # 11
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Once every other month is not nearly enough. Please help him find some counseling. I have PTSD and it has been a long journey into normal behavior. My parents were very abusive and I grew up locked in the house. When I finally had my own life (thank you, California Juvenile Dependency System, for all your faults, you saved my life), I didn’t know how to gauge other people’s body language. I often instinctually threw my arm out and hit people when crossing the street because I thought the people coming from the other direction were about to attack me. Try apologizing for that one. The good news is that you can get over PTSD, but it takes time and a whole heck of a lot of thinking about everything you don’t want to think about.

Post # 13
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Lily, I know what you mean.  I woke up once with his fingers around my windpipe, and whenever I’d try to move them, he’d squeeze harder.  He was completely unconscious (but on a medication that was *supposed* to help.  SO far, I haven’t heard of anyone who has seen positive side effects from it.  It’s called Seroquel).  When he found out about it, he stopped the medication.  It is scary to have to deal with it and to know that they see the stuff at night.  πŸ™

Basically it’s a lose lose situation.  From our experiences, Fiance hasn’t been able to find a job (he was 11C Army) because most places don’t want to hire combat vets.  But if your hubby stays the military, his PTSD will get worse every time he deploys.  It’s hard to hear, but it’s true (and I’m sure you know it too).  Basically, youll have to talk with your hubby about his options.  Does he want to stay this way (probably not, none of them want to)?  Does he drink (that’s a huuuuge factor in the realm of violence and PTSD)? 

If he gets Med Boarded out, the Army’ll try to say that the “personality problem” was there before he deployed (how messed up is that?).  He’ll still get his VA benefits, but it’ll be harder to convince the VBA if he tries to get comp and pen. 

From what you’ve said, you best bet is to talk with him about it and discuss his options and future goals.  Either way, you should be in individual therapy so that you can get some tools to help you deal with it, like lamb said.  You need to be strong, because when/if your hubby ever decides to “let you into his head” you’ll be prepared.

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Typically if you need more care, the military arranges it. Like if you need a specialist that they don’t provide, you can see one but there is paperwork involved.

I think the fact that you know what happened makes you more sensitive and undersatnding to his situation.

The Long Road Home was based on something that happened back in 2004, right? Has he been like this for 5 years? or is my timing off? Or is it just now coming to light? I remember that book came out right when Darling Husband and I started dating and he was goign into active duty. Definitely scared me.

I really think he needs some long-term help. I hope everything works otu for you and you both are able to get the care you all need.

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