Puppy and DH – Emotional Mess

posted 4 months ago in Pets
Post # 76
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

Cheekie0077 :  agreed..

also if my ‘friends’ rehomed pets after having kids they wouldn’t be my friends.

If someone can’t handle walking a dog and having a baby… well let’s just say I don’t have high hopes to what they children will grow up to be

Post # 77
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Keep the puppy, maybe lose the husband lol (I’m joking, obviously).  Puppies ARE a lot of work, but babies are worse – if he can’t handle a few sleep interruptions, messes or scheduling inconveniences, then he’s definitely not ready for a baby.  And puppies outgrow their puppiness much faster than human babies – your puppy will be sleeping through the night and potty trained in another few weeks – babies take years lol.  I’ve had many puppies over the years, but only 1 child…there’s a reason tongue-out

 

Honestly, I have had my share of puppy frustrations, but with my newborn I had legit buyer’s remorse a couple of times because she was a terrible sleeper and I was not in my right mind.  She was easy in every other way, but the kid.would.not.sleep.  If only babies could be crate trained lolol!

 

You made a commitment to this dog, and I hope you’ll follow through.  It will test your characters, but it’s a small test compared to that of parenthood.  And in the end, when she’s less needy and annoying, you’ll be rewarded with many years of unconditional love and wet sloppy kisses.  

 

Are you crate training the puppy?  That was my saving grace with every dog we’ve had (we’ve had 5 different puppies/dogs over our 22 year marriage) – typically with the crate training, we had our puppy sleeping through the night and fully potty trained (with a few accidents here and there because we missed the puppy’s cues) within a couple of weeks.  

 

What about putting her in doggie daycare during the days when you’re working, as an alternative to the dog walker, and to help tire her out each day?

Post # 78
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

pearlrose :  I seriously don’t know a single person who rehomed a pet because they had a baby.  You might need new friends.

Post # 79
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Take that back, my vagina is insulted. slomotion :  

Post # 80
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

supertrooper0101 :  “also if my ‘friends’ rehomed pets after having kids they wouldn’t be my friends.”

It’s easy making such claims but in real life most people don’t drop friends or indeed spouses over such disagreements.

 

OP, I hope your mother is doing better now and recovering well. Please don’t make a decision in a hurry as it’s too soon.

Post # 81
Member
3524 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

LilliV :  have corgi. Can confirm.

Post # 82
Member
8505 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

supertrooper0101 :  I was completely overwhelmed when I had a baby and quite frankly…the dog had a few weeks of bare minimum attention. I was anxious, exhausted, and in pain. My first day alone with the baby after my husband went back to work I flat out forgot to let the dog out for his morning pee. My husband leaves before everyone else is up and I just…forgot. Around 1pm he went to the back door and looked so pitiful asking to go out like “mom I know you’re overwhelmed but I just can’t hold it anymore” and I felt like a total asshole. When the baby napped I laid on the floor and cuddled him and cried.  I love my dog like a child and wouldn’t rehome him, but I get why people who see dogs as pets (vs. family members) give up when they get overwhelmed. 

I also have a friend who found out her new baby is allergic to dogs. They are trying really hard to keep them separated, clean like crazy, etc but it may come down to rehoming the dog. It would break her heart and she would never make that decision lightly, but if the baby’s allergies get worse the child’s health is most important. 

Post # 85
Member
11119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ohsomrsr15 :  

Since the breeder is willing to take Stella back and your husband clearly is not going to be a loving, affectionate, caring force in her life, the wisest course is to let Stella go back to the breeder. 

Pets are for life! sounds good in theory.  Best interest of the pet is the higher law. Truly caring about an animal means that sometimes you have to cowgirl up and do what’s good for the pet, even when it breaks your heart.

Post # 86
Member
11119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

LilliV :  

You are describing my GSDs.  Some have been more drivey than others, of course.  Our beloved Lexi had the annoying herding habit and was *always* underfoot.

Any GSD person will tell you that once you have a German Shepherd, you will never pee alone again.

Post # 87
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

“I will admit that I have been feeling like our relationship has been a little rocky lately. I feel like the spark in our relationship is gone. “

 

That makes sense as to why you don’t want to continue TTC. I was wondering if it was only about how he was with your pet. 

 

 

Post # 88
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Your husband (again) implicitly blames you for bringing the dog home against his wishes, then puts the decision of rehoming the dog on you (while making it clear he doesn’t want the dog). So this way his conscience is clear and it’s all your fault. Does this guy ever take responsibility for anything? Your marital issues run much deeper than your husband’s tolerance for a puppy. 

Post # 89
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee

ohsomrsr15 :  This is heartbreaking, Bee. I can’t believe he is still putting this on you. 

Also, I like how he says you can keep her if you want her, as if he didn’t make an equal commitment to her by going with you to pick her out and never raising any objections to having a dog. 

He seems like the kind of man who thinks he wants something, and then when it would look bad for him not to want it anymore, will pin it on someone or something else to avoid looking like the jerk. 

Well, I’m here to tell you… he’s the jerk, 100%. Please stop considering TTC, effective immediately, and figure out if this could be a symptom of bigger issues in your relationship. 

Since you are at home a lot by yourself and your relationship has been rocky, please keep sweet Stella. She will be a comfort to you and bring you joy. You deserve a creature who will give you a spark of love and happiness. 

Post # 90
Member
7103 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I skimmed through all the replies, but I’m just going to start with…..it sounds to me like y’all have some major issues under the surface and the puppy was just a convenient excuse for your Darling Husband to blow his gasket. You guys need to 100% put TTC on hold, and frankly, you need to evaluate if this is a relationship you want to continue.

With that being said, I will NEVER understand this theory people have about getting a puppy (or any pet really) to prepare themselves for having a baby. As a long-time dog mom and a mom to an actual human baby – I’m here to say that owning a puppy is FAR worse than having a baby. Sure the first couple of months with a baby is hard/exhausting and your whole world flips upside down but it’s not like having a puppy. I could take my baby to the grocery store and feed/change him while out if gone too long. A puppy you are constantly focused on making sure they aren’t left alone too long. Always rushing to get home and make sure you’re never gone that long.

My parents had 3 dogs, and recently their oldest (13 yrs) passed away. After a couple of months they got a new puppy and if I’m being honest it was the worst decision I think they’ve ever made. They have so much less patience now 13+ years later since getting their last dog and less endurance to always be “on” when it comes to the puppy. Plus it’s like they are constantly chained to the house, and they even have a dog walker for work hours.

We are currently down to one dog, who is around 12/13, and lost our older dog (at 13) two years ago. We also have a 17 month old. We know our current dog won’t be around much longer and my Darling Husband is constantly sending me puppy picture but I am adamantly against getting another dog. I am a *huge* dog lover, always have been. Our dogs are family to us but I will totally admit to eating a big spoonfull of crow when I say that I used to roll my eyes at people whose pets took a back burner when they had kids. Our dog is still 100% loved and adored by our family, especially our son, but my life priorities have changed and it’s going to take a lot for my Darling Husband to convince me to get another dog. I’m sure at some point we will, definitely not right away, but I will be honest I’m not looking forward to a puppy. 

The short of it is…I can agree with your Darling Husband that maybe he thought he could deal with it but he just isn’t a puppy/dog person and the reality is he doesn’t want it. I think it’s shitty to commit to a pet and give it back, but I’d rather see the dog go back than be in a home where it’s not wanted. Either way I just think your husband sounds like an ass and you guys have bigger issues than this puppy. 

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