Puppy is causing a breakup?

posted 5 days ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Walk away : (110 votes)
    96 %
    Work it out : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    387 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Well you have always had doubt even from day 1, the puppy is only cherry on top.

    Do not marry if you have doubt!

    Post # 3
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2020

    If you two have children, will he treat a newborn the same way he treated the puppy? Don’t marry him just because you’re content with him. The fact that you’re anxious about getting engaged tells me your relationship has run it’s course. Getting engaged won’t make anything better.

    beeinca2019 :  

    Post # 4
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    RUN GIRL! I used to be in a relationship with a guy who would get jealous over how much I snuggled my cat and not him. I chose my cat. I am now in an amazing relationship with a man who loved my cat and loves all animals and have been together 6+ years and are now engaged.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    You say that you feel like an idiot if you go through with this engagement. 

    It it sounds like you’ve had a niggly gut feeling from the start about this guy. He doesn’t sound awful -it just doesn’t sound like you guys are overly compatible and you have quite a few valid concerns about the relationship. 

    As someone who had niggly feelings in my previous relationship, and who married him anyway, I really recommend counselling to sort out your head. I loved my ex husband hugely on my wedding day, but the relationship anxiety was there from day one, and for good reason. 

    Also, as a previous poster said, you want someone patient to help if you have a baby. Not being patient with a dog doesn’t necessarily mean he will be impatient with a child (I have endless patience for my baby and not heaps for my partner’s dog), but if he is impatient and anally retentive in general (spraying disinfectant etc), he might be challenging to parent with. 

    But let’s get back to this statement…you feel like an idiot if you get engaged? That is precisely the opposite of how you should be feeling and tells you everything you need to know. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee

    29 is YOUNG!!  Get out of this relationship and make yourself happy.  You deserve that and he deserves a woman who is happy with him.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    9531 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    beeinca2019 :  

    Yelling at a young puppy = abusing the puppy.

    Dogs vary widely in their degree of sensitivity. I had one German Shepherd who would become suicidal if he thought I was displeased with him. Great dog, just a bit more sensitive than you want to see in working bloodlines. I have a male right now who is impervious to anything the humans want, think, feel, or say. He just doesn’t care. He’s on the other end of the continuum. Training is a hella challenge with a dog like this.

    So, unless your puppy is wired like my dog number #2, he has been traumatized. And he knows he isn’t genuinely loved or wanted by your SO. Could any of the pup’s mistakes be the result of his stress?

    So your SO has stress and you suspect, depression.  So do millions of others who don’t terrorize helpless puppies. What is he doing about his alleged stress and depression? Has he booked himself a doctors appointment? A therapy session?

    Your bf got you into this relationship via fraud. He lied to you about his feelings about dogs. This, I’ve had some experience with. At one time, I had five magnificent happy, active, young German Shepherds (and the space). Lots of guys claimed to be dog lovers until they met my bouncy crew. Dh showed up in my life and proved to be a genuine dog person. He fell for those pups hard. His mother asked him a question at our wedding about our early romance or something and dh’s immediate response: “She had these really great dogs . . .” I loved that.

    We only have two now, having just unexpectedly lost our beloved Lexi. Daddy took it very hard. She was Daddy’s Girl all the way.

    The point is, there are plenty of men who share your love for animals.  You won’t meet him while you’re stuck with your current albatross.

    You are not spiritually compatible.

    You are not sexually compatible.

    What is driving you to do this to yourself and your poor puppy?

    I shudder to think what he would be like with an infant in the house.

    Again, you entered this relationship at least in part, based on a big fat lie. That can never work. You can’t have the kind of true and absolute trust that will bring great joy into your life.

    Keep the puppy; kick the bf out.  You won’t be losing much, but you’ll be gaining your chance at a happy future.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9531 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    beeinca2019 :  

    Just wanted to add, jealous of how much you love the dog goes way beyond red flag alert. The red lights are blinking furiously and you are at DEFCON 3, heading to 4.

    Jealous over your attachment to a pet is a terrible sign. It is consistent with very unhealthy conditions, such as the low/no conscience personality disorders. Before anyone comes unhinged, I am not saying this guy has a PD. This particular behavior  is commonly found in people with certain PDs.

    To take it further, this kind of toxic jealousy is also typical of abusers.

    What’s concerning is that so many times, people with abusive tendencies will manage to hide the worst of themselves until there is a shift in the relationship. Once they feel that they have you really locked down via engagement, moving in, marriage, pregnancy, whatever; the mask comes off.

    Don’t underestimate this guy, especially as you prepare to leave. Don’t discuss it with him, just make your plans. Talking to him will change nothing. But, he will do his best to confuse you and knock you off balance.

    He is probably going to be very, very angry, so be careful.

    If it were me, I would not leave him alone with the puppy. The unconscious mind is a powerful thing and can manifest our true feelings in many ways, including via “accidents”.

    Post # 11
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee

    “To be honest my heart just bursts with love for my dog and I can’t recall ever feeling that way about my bf”

    There’s your answer. You’ve grown to love an animal colossal amounts more than the relationship you had before you even got your dog. You don’t love this man, you love the idea of him. You love the idea of having a wedding soon, but not the person you’d be married to. I understand your feeling of wasting your time, but think of all the more time you’d be wasting if you stay in this dead-end relationship. Also, please don’t blame this on the way he feels about the dog…that only helped you confirm that you’re not happy, but it certainly isn’t the only reason why. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2020

    Find someone who you love as much as you love your dog and who loves your dog as much as you do.

    beeinca2019 :  

    Post # 13
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee

    Time to find someone who doesn’t feel in competition with a furry family member.  I couldn’t be with someone who yelled at animals and didn’t have their heart in making the pet part of the family.  29 is so young, you have plenty of time to find the right partner! 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Based on your comments it sounds like you know it’s not right and just need confidence to break up. Don’t marry if you have that many issues and doubts. 

    I did want to say though that puppies and babies aren’t the same. I’m not at all a dog person. They are drooly, needy, shed hair and generally add to my work load. Puppies in particular are rough. I have some tolerance for super well trained older dogs, but not enough that I ever want one.  But, I love my birds and cats and kids. I didn’t mind changing their diapers even when I hated cleaning up after a puppy. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    207 posts
    Helper bee

    I grew up with dogs (7 golden retrievers.  SEVEN) and love animals.  However, I gave up have house pets for Fiance because he is severely allergic.  We have worked out a compromise where I will own a horse I can go love at its stable lol. That being said, I would leave your bf.  People who are mean to animals are not nice.  Yelling is mean!  I had one dog who would take it personally if you disciplined him and ignored his incessant volleys for attention by bringing you all his favorite toys until they were at a heap at your feet.  Another one we rescued got told NO to stealing a muffin (he had licked it, was getting ready to grab) and got so hurt he went out the dog door and to the back of our acreage and curled up in a ball.  My mom has to go find him and comfort him.  Your poor puppy has had someone YELLING at him for BEING A PUPPY. Ugh I want to kick people like that so hard… how hard is it to be nice to a puppy or be honest about your feelings about animals.

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