- 5 days ago
I am in desperate need of advice and don’t know where to turn. I have been with my bf 4yrs and have lived together for 3yrs. We bought an engagement ring last year but haven’t got engaged because in the same year we both had major career changes. My bf was let go from his job and I started my own company, the stress and lack of finances took a toll and we decided to postpone it.
This past year we ended up getting a puppy, a dog was something I had been wanting for years and he finally gave in. When we first started dating my bf told me he grew up with a dog and loved animals. (Turns out he never had a pet and definitely is not a dog person.) the puppy has put a major toll on our relationship. We fought ALL THE TIME over the puppy. I LOVE animals and I’m very patient and understanding that he is baby, he is going to make mistakes, there will be accidents, he is learning. My bf has been a total nightmare with everything no patience, constantly yelling at the dog, and just short tempered. He’s also a little bit of germaphobe so he constantly is spraying disinfectant and it’s driving me nuts.
We have had the dog 8mos now and it has gotten better. He’s more loving toward the dog and has a little more patience. Part of the reason why he is better with the dog is because he is working and only sees him at night and weekends. *just to clarify he doesn’t abuse the dog, he just is NOT a dog person and has zero patience with a puppy
I have been struggling with doubts with my bf from day 1, I stayed with him because it was the first serious relationship I had been in where I felt like he truly loved me for me, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything. He is my best friend, he makes me laugh, he has a good job, and is a family man. But something has always left me with doubts. I can’t put into words what it is but I have always had doubts. But things just kept progressing and there was never a “real” reason to break up. Now that he is working, my company is stable and the puppy is older we started talking again about getting engaged and I’ve been full of anxiety about it.
The puppy showed me a side of my bf I really don’t like. I always pictured myself with an animal lover, someone that would also want a dog as much as me. Someone that was excited and committed to raising a puppy too. But it truly was a horrible experience. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because he was depressed after being laid off and it was really hard time for him. But between the doubts I’ve always had, the puppy, we have issues about religion, and I’ve never felt like I fit in with his family. I feel like I would be an idiot to go through with an engagement. I actually have talked to him about these concerns and he says “We’ve gotten through so much, we can make it through anything.” And “we shouldn’t throw away what we have, we just need focus on loving each other.” He has agreed to working on his relationship with the dog and he is willing to compromise on the religion. But sometimes I think it just shouldn’t be this hard? To top it all off we have zero passion, which I know it’s been a few years but it’s like living with a roommate. He’s so supportive of everything I do and truly has my back. We still laugh all the time but there’s no fire. I’m just confused, prior to the dog I felt like I had resolved my concerns and put my doubts to bed. Today everything has resurfaced and I’m wondering if I’m settling by staying in this relationship?