Puppy is causing a breakup?

posted 5 days ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Walk away : (110 votes)
    96 %
    Work it out : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    2055 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    beeinca2019 :  To add, I left my 5 year relationship, with him 4 months I was with the man that I married. I’m happier then I have ever been. 

    Go be happy. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    9530 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    duchessgummybunns :  

    Oh, noes!  I mixed up my DEFCONS! Don’t I feel silly.

    Just thankful no one was injured.

    Thank you for the info, Bee.

    Post # 34
    Member
    263 posts
    Helper bee

    beeinca2019 :  It’s more concerning that he lied to you than that he doesn’t like dogs or even that he yelled at the dog. I would have a huge problem with that.

     

    Post # 36
    Member
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee

    Maybe two of the 10 negatives you mentioned would make most people dump the guy. But all of those reasons are like a hell yeah dump him. You would be settling by staying with him. You want different things and different lifestyles. 

    You really have no reason to stay. My good friend had a boyfriend who was trying to convince her to marry him for years. She would try and end it and he would convince her to stay. She finally broke it off. 1 year later she was engaged to a wonderful guy who she never had to question if he was right for her or not. 

    Break it off, life is too short to be unhappy and unfulfilled. And the negative reaction to the puppy is super concerning. It’s a lack of empathy and ability to put another defenseless being above his needs. He would be an awful father. 

     

    beeinca2019 :  

    Post # 37
    Member
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wanted to add after seeing your last comment, there is always another guy around the corner. Never be afraid to end it with someone because you think there won’t be another guy for you. That just isn’t true!! Each time I had a relationship end there was always someone else who came along. Do NOT listen to your sister and her single friends. There are plenty of great guys out there! I am 34 and I met my boyfriend last year and he is 33. He is wonderful. 

    Trust us, you will regret having kids with the wrong person. You are still young and have plenty of time to find someone. Hugs bee you can move on and should. 

     

    beeinca2019 :  

    Post # 38
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee

    I married my ex-husband while I was wrestling with doubts. I wasn’t super attracted to him physically, but I told myself that I had found a good guy and no relationship was going to be perfect, blah, blah, blah. The niggling doubts never went away. We had some really good years, I won’t lie. There were times I was happy. But the doubts never went away. Our marriage broke down for many reasons, but one of the things my ex brought up was that he was jealous of how much attention I paid to our two kids – and I wasn’t a super doting mom by any stretch of the imagination. So, to read that your fiance is upset about the attention you give your puppy…run!

    We separated when I was 35. I dated around a lot, kissed a lot of frogs. But at 37 (almost 38), I met now Darling Husband and two years later, we got married. And, oh my goodness! Is this relationship sooo much better! There is passion, there is deep deep love, there is support. And best of all, there are NO doubts, no “if onlys.” I wish this for everyone – find someone with whom there are no “if onlys.” 

    Bee, don’t let fear keep you in a relationship. Don’t settle. The right person is out there.

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    1163 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Your cute, cuddly puppy brought a mirror with him.

    Don’t stay with a guy because of irrational fears bee.  That’s one of the worst reason to be in a relationship and frankly, you’re being completely unfair to yourself and any future children you may have.  I would think you’d want to bring children into an atmosphere of mutual love and respect.  A man who gets jealous over a puppy will definitely get jealous over a baby as they take up even more of your time.   Your happiness is about you not your sister, mother or even father….(pretty sure dad would 100% agree with me)

    If you’re going to stay, stay becuase this is the man you want to get old with.  Who you cherish and who cherishes you.  There’s no reason to fear him and all his idiosycrises are pretty doable for you to live with.  He doesn’t need to be perfect but he should be perfect for YOU.  Can you say that is the case?

    Post # 40
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee

    bibliophilacticbee :  “I did want to say though that puppies and babies aren’t the same. I’m not at all a dog person. They are drooly, needy, shed hair and generally add to my work load.

    LOL, you just described babies.

    beeinca2019 :  As all the others have said, you two aren’t compatible. And if he has no patience for a puppy, I doubt he’ll have any patience for a baby. Babies and toddlers will test your patience way more than an animal ever could. It’s much better to end the relationship now and walk away with no baggage than to be divorced with kids in a few years.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1346 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

    You should 100% end this relationship.  It’s not a good fit and it will only get worse as the years go on.  Take it from someone who’s been there.  Get out now, once you are married and have a kid with this person it will be 1000 times harder to leave, yet you will still want to.  

    Also, did i read it correctly that he lied to you about growing up with a dog, and then you found out he never had one?  HUGE red flag right there OP.  A liar will always lie.

     

    Good luck!!

    Post # 43
    Member
    1346 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

      beeinca2019 :  Oh and one more thing, about your Dad.  I know you want your children to have the chance to know your Dad.  However, I can guarantee what’s most important for your dad is that he knows you are living your best life, with the person who truly makes you happy.  

    Post # 44
    Member
    254 posts
    Helper bee

    beeinca2019 :  Sounds like the Puppy is the tip of the iceberg, not the main problem. First, he lied about who he was by saying he had a dog and was a pet person (weird). Then, you pressured him into getting you a puppy knowing he was not a dog person. Time to walk.

    Post # 45
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    Just remember… the only thing worse than wasting 4 years in a relationship, is wasting 4 years and 1 day. You know what you should do. Sure, it can be hard to find Mr. Right, but nothing worth having comes too easily. You are young and you have SO much time to find your match. Don’t waste anymore time! Imagine feeling the way you do about the pup, about your mate. Totally worth the risk!

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