Puppy is causing a breakup?

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Walk away : (144 votes)
    97 %
    Work it out : (5 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 48
    Member
    617 posts
    Busy bee

    beeinca2019 :  “I really need to stay focus and remember no matter how good he is acting today there are foundation issues that will always be a problem.”

    I agree with this 100%, Bee.  He’s hoovering, trying to make a quick fix so you’ll feel secure again before he falls back into old patterns. 

    As I see it, there are two issues here:  The first is that he lied about growing up with pets and continued the “I’m so excited to get a puppy” charade until he lost patience.  This is a deficiency in self-awareness and communication skills.  On top of that, the lost patience itself is a huge problem.  I can respect people who simply don’t like dogs; pets don’t have to be for everyone.  But once you have a defenseless animal relying on you in your care, yelling and losing patience are very negative traits and don’t bode well for how he will handle future stresses. 

    I think you’re making the right choice, and I know your family will support you.  Find your happily ever after, Bee.  And the puppy’s too.  🙂

    Post # 49
    Member
    7628 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    beeinca2019 :  

    Dear OP , I didn’t even need to finish  your post  to say  ‘ choose the dog’! . Anyone ,( I guess? )  can not  like dogs , but he  sounds  downright unstable and borderline cruel.    

    coffeebean87 :  “Find someone who you love as much as you love your dog and who loves your dog as much as you do”  said it all. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    9693 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    beeinca2019 :  

    Bee!  He is NOT a ‘great guy’! He is a terrible guy. He kicks and hits your sweet, helpless little puppy out of jealousy. What kind of monster does that? 

    You get some free Cher Therapy:  Snap out of it!

    Post # 52
    Member
    2528 posts
    Sugar bee

    READ ALL that you YOURSELF have written. Read it again. Walk away from what you’ve written, then go back and read it again.

    You’ve answered your own question, and you’ve given yourself the right answer.

    Post # 53
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee

    beeinca2019 :  honestly, people are terrible in general.  I know that sounds super jaded and bitter of me, but think about it.  How many women do you know that are high maintenance, selfish, or mean, just like men?  You are going to have to sort through the terrible to find a decent guy, just like he is going to have to do to find you.

    this thread made me think of when my best friend, who is a dude, told me that his fiancée kicked a dog because she doesn’t like when they jump.  His roommate has a poorly behaved dog and she came to visit, so you could imagine how it went.  My face when he told me that was, I’m sure, completely shocked.  I told him that she shouldn’t let her do something like that, that it isn’t the dog’s fault he is poorly trained. My best friend blew it off, but he’s done that with tons of things.  She demanded a “princess proposal”, she called him yelling after he spent 30 minutes extra at a departmental happy hour and he had to promise to buy her jewelry to “make her happy”.  I’ve always thought he should brave the dating pool and dump this girl, and so should you.  100%.

    ETA: just read your last post.  Who invents a dog??????  Who boards a FUCKING PUPPY WHEN YOU’VE NOT VETTED THE PLACE TO MAKE SURE THEY ARENT LEAVING THE POOR BABY IN A CAGE ALL DAY?????  Oh my god I’m having a rage stroke!  How did you not kick his ass out?  Wouldn’t you be happier with just your dog who never lies to you and always loves you?  I would not trust a hamster or goldfish with this man who is obviously capable of bold faced lying to you, evidenced by lying about taking care of the dog.  😡😡😡😡 i am not kidding about the rage stroke 😡😡😡

    also, may we please see a picture of the sweet baby?

    Post # 54
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    He’s not the one for you. You know that. Wasting another 20 years of your life will not make the last 4 years you’ve been with this man “worth it”. Take it as a learning experience and move on. 

    Edit: After reading your update I want to add that your bf has a serious lying problem. It is not normal to lie about trivial things like having had a puppy. He obviously knew that adding this fake tidbit to his life would make you like him more. This makes me think there might be other things about him he’s said just to get you to “love him”.  

    Post # 54
    Member
    9693 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    beeinca2019 :  

    No, has never abused the dog.

    Yelling at a puppy is abuse.

    Puppies and dogs have different levels of sensitivity, think of it as a continuum. The more sensitive the pup, the greater the trauma. Have you ever observed your puppy shake himself, the way dogs to when they’re wet, following one of your bf’s rants?

    Lying and manipulating to lure you into a relationship is very toxic, Bee. Do you know of any healthy, happy, relationships that began with multiple lies about a core issue? Are you of the belief that this type of lying and deceitful behavior just magically goes away? This kind of lying is not a bad habit, it’s a symptom.

    What kind of asshole dumps a puppy/dog at a kennel without discussing it with you? A decent human would have talked to you before you left. You two would have negotiated a plan that was acceptable to everyone involved. That’s how respectful, ethical, moral, partners operate.

    There are precious few occasions on which this guy does not put himself first. He is surrounded and supported by his batch of colluding flying monkeys (his family). You are and forever will be the outlier.

    Post # 55
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Doubts are always the main cause of the breakup and it totally depends on you to solve the problem or break it. It would prefer you to get some advice from your nearer ones to get out of this bad situation.

    Post # 56
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee

    beeinca2019 :  beeinca2019 :  when my husband and I got together, he was never a dog person. When my dog entered the picture, he fell in love with her, took her to her vet appointments, gave her her medicine daily as she ailed as a senior, and held her his arms when we finally said goodbye. He never once yelled at her. I think your bf’s be behavior now speaks volumes about who he is and how he would be as a father .I suggest you look for a kinder, more patient person. X

    Post # 60
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

     

    beeinca2019 :  what a precious face! Looks so soft and cuddly! 

    Best of luck and have strength for the coming weeks. I wish you all the best away from this lying loser. 

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