purchased my own engagement ring – unhappy.

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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albf0812 :  My advice is to tell your husband everything you just said to us, I’m sure he’ll understand. Maybe go shopping for a ring together? Or maybe he could plan a cute date night and re-propose with the ring you brought yourself? xx

Post # 3
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2020 - Round Rock, TX

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albf0812 :  I totally get being a bit sad that he didn’t get it for you, but you’re still engaged and are still going to spend your life with the man you love. so that’s what’s really important! but if you’re really feeling sad about it, just be honest with him and tell him what you told us! also, maybe having him buy your wedding band will help with these feelings? and you can wear the placeholder ring he bought for you as a RHR?

for what it’s worth, my Fiance bought my engagement ring and it was a placeholder as well. it was a $90 CZ sterling silver ring. I just bought my actual e-ring, which is a beautiful moissy as well! i’m thrilled with it and so happy to finally have my forever ring. and part of me kind of wishes he could have gotten it for me, but regardless, it’s not the ring he proposed with so I don’t think it would have made a huge difference emotion wise. I still love it and still appreciate the original ring he bought for me! plus, he is just gonna put the money he would have used on my ring I to our wedding fund 🙂

Post # 4
236 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the PP. There seems to be a lack of communication between you and your husband, so I suggest talking with him directly about how you feel. Things can go awry if you start making assumptions without talking about whatever is bothering you. 

Post # 5
1538 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I think the sentiment ship has sailed. There may be some hard feelings on his end, just like there were on yours. I’d sit and talk to him about your feelings to see what you can do to make you both feel better. But in the end, it is just a ring. 


Post # 6
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Would going ring shopping together and him purchasing one that you like help? That way you can have a say, it’s something you experience together, but still he gifts it to you? I don’t know how far away is your engagement anniversary, but maybe you could tell him that you would like him to give it to you on your anniversary?

Post # 7
6940 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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albf0812 :  “so I went out and purchased a ring on my own.”

“I know I became impulsive and just pulled the trigger on purchasing something myself.”

Did you…talk to your husband about doing this ahead of time…? Was there any communication?

Because it sounds like you were unhappy and just decided to do it without any input from him at all. Did you even give him a heads up that this was your plan? I can actually see why he’d feel a little hurt and confused by this. Now you’re telling him you still want a ring from him, but you couldn’t be bothered to talk to him about it before just going out and buying your own?


Post # 8
838 posts
Busy bee

In my opinion, what’s done is done. You bought the ring a year ago, if I understand correctly? I don’t think you should re-hash this now. When you get married your husband can buy you a beautiful wedding ring! Many people don’t even wear their engagement ring after the wedding and just pull it out on special occasions. Give him another chance to get you something special with the wedding ring. And this time don’t let him have so much control – you seem to know what you like so it would be best to go ring shopping with him and he can buy you a wedding ring you pick out 

Post # 9
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Why not wear your old one until a special date comes up and then have him re-propose or just tell you what you mean to him? If you weren’t already married I would say have him hold onto it until the wedding day, but since you are, you can have other happy memories attached to it.

Post # 10
558 posts
Busy bee

Tell your man exactly how you feel… And then keep looking for a designer to get him (and you) exactly what he wanted… There’s gotta be someone… You have two rings now you don’t like, wait out for the design ya’ll wanted, together. 

Post # 11
2610 posts
Sugar bee

This sounds like a communication issue.

You should have talked to him about it before buying the ring. It sounds a bit like buying it yourself was a meant to be a *hint* that you were fed up with waiting. But you kind of shot yourself in the foot because now you already HAVE the ring so he thinks the whole thing is resolved.

What you actually communicated to him is that you don’t care about the sentiment at all. 

I would talk with him about your feelings about sentimental gifts and maybe ask that he choose the wedding band or something to wear on the wedding day. If you don’t talk to him about it he’s going to assume you don’t care about sentimental gifts for the rest of your relationship.

Post # 12
2262 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Is your “August 2017” date correct? Because if so, I don’t really know that there’s a solution to this beyond talking about it and moving on. At this point, even if he goes out and gets a new ring, you’ve been married almost 2 years and it won’t be an engagement ring anyhow. 

Post # 15
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

 You just need to tell your husband everything you communicated here. Maybe he could give you an upgrade for your 5th anniversary or something?

Also, different situations but I proposed to my DH and I picked out and bought my own ring and it still holds a lot of significance to me. It symbolizes my love and commitment to him (plus I really like it because I picked it out myself). I’m just saying that there’s no reason why your ring can’t have meaning just because he didn’t buy it.

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