Post # 1
Some backstory, my husband proposed to me with a placeholder at the time of our engagement two years ago, because he had intentions to have one designed. The placeholder was a .10 carat diamond claddagh ring. The ring he wanted to have made just didn’t work out for various reasons (he wanted a custom claddagh ring, and we just couldn’t find someone to create it the way he wanted).
What ended up happening was I lost patience with the process of not having the “real” ring for over a year after we were engaged, wasn’t sure that I wanted a claddagh anymore anyway – so I went out and purchased a ring on my own. It’s a beautiful moissanite, but every time I look at it, I don’t see “wow, my husband gave this to me etc etc” I see a gift to myself, and it doesn’t signify what an engagement ring is supposed to signify. He assumes that because I have “what I wanted” it’s fine and doesn’t see a need to get me something himself anymore. I’m not sure how to explain that I want something from him.. the sentiment is incredibly important to me.
I know this probably sounds selfish, and I know I became impulsive and just pulled the trigger on purchasing something myself. I think at that time I didn’t realize how important the sentiment of the ring would be. The only one that has some sentiment is the placeholder he gave me, which I could wear – however, it’s not quite my taste and because it was a “placeholder” it doesn’t feel like my husband really wanted to get it anyway and purchased it so he could give me something on the day of, so I’m just kinda stuck.
If anyone has any advice, that would be great. I am aware that I’m being picky and a marriage isn’t about a ring etc – I get all that, but still, I’m fairly traditional and that sentiment was important for me to have.
Post # 2
My advice is to tell your husband everything you just said to us, I’m sure he’ll understand. Maybe go shopping for a ring together? Or maybe he could plan a cute date night and re-propose with the ring you brought yourself? xx
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2020 - Round Rock, TX
I totally get being a bit sad that he didn’t get it for you, but you’re still engaged and are still going to spend your life with the man you love. so that’s what’s really important! but if you’re really feeling sad about it, just be honest with him and tell him what you told us! also, maybe having him buy your wedding band will help with these feelings? and you can wear the placeholder ring he bought for you as a RHR?
for what it’s worth, my Fiance bought my engagement ring and it was a placeholder as well. it was a $90 CZ sterling silver ring. I just bought my actual e-ring, which is a beautiful moissy as well! i’m thrilled with it and so happy to finally have my forever ring. and part of me kind of wishes he could have gotten it for me, but regardless, it’s not the ring he proposed with so I don’t think it would have made a huge difference emotion wise. I still love it and still appreciate the original ring he bought for me! plus, he is just gonna put the money he would have used on my ring I to our wedding fund 🙂
Post # 4
I agree with the PP. There seems to be a lack of communication between you and your husband, so I suggest talking with him directly about how you feel. Things can go awry if you start making assumptions without talking about whatever is bothering you.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
I think the sentiment ship has sailed. There may be some hard feelings on his end, just like there were on yours. I’d sit and talk to him about your feelings to see what you can do to make you both feel better. But in the end, it is just a ring.
Post # 6
Would going ring shopping together and him purchasing one that you like help? That way you can have a say, it’s something you experience together, but still he gifts it to you? I don’t know how far away is your engagement anniversary, but maybe you could tell him that you would like him to give it to you on your anniversary?
Post # 7
albf0812 : “so I went out and purchased a ring on my own.”
“I know I became impulsive and just pulled the trigger on purchasing something myself.”
Did you…talk to your husband about doing this ahead of time…? Was there any communication?
Because it sounds like you were unhappy and just decided to do it without any input from him at all. Did you even give him a heads up that this was your plan? I can actually see why he’d feel a little hurt and confused by this. Now you’re telling him you still want a ring from him, but you couldn’t be bothered to talk to him about it before just going out and buying your own?
Post # 8
In my opinion, what’s done is done. You bought the ring a year ago, if I understand correctly? I don’t think you should re-hash this now. When you get married your husband can buy you a beautiful wedding ring! Many people don’t even wear their engagement ring after the wedding and just pull it out on special occasions. Give him another chance to get you something special with the wedding ring. And this time don’t let him have so much control – you seem to know what you like so it would be best to go ring shopping with him and he can buy you a wedding ring you pick out
Post # 9
Why not wear your old one until a special date comes up and then have him re-propose or just tell you what you mean to him? If you weren’t already married I would say have him hold onto it until the wedding day, but since you are, you can have other happy memories attached to it.
Post # 10
Tell your man exactly how you feel… And then keep looking for a designer to get him (and you) exactly what he wanted… There’s gotta be someone… You have two rings now you don’t like, wait out for the design ya’ll wanted, together.
Post # 11
This sounds like a communication issue.
You should have talked to him about it before buying the ring. It sounds a bit like buying it yourself was a meant to be a *hint* that you were fed up with waiting. But you kind of shot yourself in the foot because now you already HAVE the ring so he thinks the whole thing is resolved.
What you actually communicated to him is that you don’t care about the sentiment at all.
I would talk with him about your feelings about sentimental gifts and maybe ask that he choose the wedding band or something to wear on the wedding day. If you don’t talk to him about it he’s going to assume you don’t care about sentimental gifts for the rest of your relationship.
Post # 12
Is your “August 2017” date correct? Because if so, I don’t really know that there’s a solution to this beyond talking about it and moving on. At this point, even if he goes out and gets a new ring, you’ve been married almost 2 years and it won’t be an engagement ring anyhow.
Post # 13
Yes, he was aware. When I told him my thoughts he said that if that’s what I wanted to do, he was okay with it. I definitely feel like an impatient idiot now though!! I was at the point of just wanting SOMETHING and not realizing that it would bug me down the line :/
Post # 14
yep, it’s correct! I’ve been holding it in for awhile now unfortunately 🙁 one year ago is when I got the moissanite, I waited the year prior.
Post # 15
You just need to tell your husband everything you communicated here. Maybe he could give you an upgrade for your 5th anniversary or something?
Also, different situations but I proposed to my DH and I picked out and bought my own ring and it still holds a lot of significance to me. It symbolizes my love and commitment to him (plus I really like it because I picked it out myself). I’m just saying that there’s no reason why your ring can’t have meaning just because he didn’t buy it.