"Purity," Sex Positivity and Religion

posted 2 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
Member
8982 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Overjoyed :  I could never teach my daughter this purity crap. It’s just so damaging to girls. It’s no better than telling her guys will only like her if she puts out – her lovability should be completely separate from her sexual behavior. My daugher will be taught that she should do whatever she is comfortable with and that she is always in control of her body. If that’s losing her virginity at 16 or 26 that’s her decision. My job is to teach her how to keep herself safe and to trust her own feelings. If she grows up to have sex with 1 guy (or girl) or 100 is none of my business so long as she is safe and happy. 

Post # 3
Member
3581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

With you from the opposite side. I want my son to grow up knowing that a woman’s worth is not linked to her sexuality. That she doesn’t owe him sex or that he can judge her based on her sexual past. I hope he grows up secure in his own sexuality. I’d love to live in a world where no one ‘comes out’ and that whether he loves men or women he knows that love and sex go hand in hand and that you shouldn’t use either to control, manipulate or hurt another person. 

If he decides to abstain from premarital sex then that is his choice for sure, but I hope he won’t do that from fear. 

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LilliV :  

Post # 4
Member
7656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I hate the use of the word purity in this context. So if a woman has sex before marriage she’s polluted? Dirty?  The language used by many religions tells the whole story, IMO. 

Post # 5
Member
4618 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m a Christian. I am no less a Christian because I had sex before I got married. Sex is unrelated to faith.

Post # 6
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

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echomomm :  100% agree. The connotation is that if you are virginal then you are pure, therefore if you have had sex then you are soiled. There  is no positivity in that idea.

Even the idea that you can enjoy sex, but only with one person, forever, puts so much pressure on people to dampen, deny, and feel guilty about sexual feeling that it’s not a healthy message.

Post # 7
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

I don’t know of any religion that teaches sex ed in a healthy, positive way.  I am a high school teacher and I wish our kids would learn that sex and having a sex drive is a healthy, normal part of our biology.

I want them to be educated about safe sex practices and the importance of knowing your own mind and relationship and go into exploring sexuality with open eyes. To treat their partners with respect.

Post # 8
Member
1791 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

The very concept of virginity is social construct that is inexplicably tied to sexism. The “remain pure for marriage” is much less a Christian moral concept, and more a way for men to exercise control over women, as well as assure a pure lineage. You really don’t see this with early Christianity. It’s not until the middle ages and the rise of fuedalism that this starts to become a thing. It was tied to religion to normalize and give legitimacy to the practice (like the majority of concepts in the middle ages).

Sure you can find a bible verse for it – you can find a bible verse for anything though. And it’s worth noting that the bible was translated into English AFTER they had tied the concept of purity before marriage to religion.

Post # 9
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It was my goal to wait for marriage. I partially succeeded in that I’ve only had sex with my husband, however I did have sex before our actual wedding.

The Bible is clear in that sexual relations before marriage is a sin. So, as a Christian, I will teach that to my children. However, I feel that many times people, especially some religious parents, place too much emphasis on extramarital sex as a sin. Lying is also a sin. However, it seems, at least in my own personal experience, that premarital sex is villianized more than other sins. Part of being a Christian is knowing that God offers forgiveness for those that repent, and that all have sinned. So, I don’t think it’s fair or right to paint sex as dirty or evil, because within the bonds of marriage it is encouraged. 

I just think there should be balance in how sex is taught, and I also don’t think that sexual knowledge should be withheld. Withholding that knowledge makes sex more dangerous (STDs, unintended pregnancies) for those that do give in to temptation. Teaching kids about sex as a whole is always a good thing and provides the tools for them to be knowledgeable about sex when they do engage in it. 

Post # 12
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

i grew up in a religious household, and still consider myself christian, though a bit more liberal and not legalistic anymore. I remember signing abstinence pledges in junior high… bit get this, it was in my PUBLIC school. Anyways, I abstained from sex mainly out of fear… fear of my parents, my dad. Ha, it was literally what kept me from sleeping with my high school boyfriend. I was so terrified to get pregnant and face them. I did intend to wait until marriage, but it all started out with doing “everything but” in the thinking that as long as I didn’t have full on sex I was still “pure.”

Heres another thing that I think represents how poorly sex ed is taught in schools… I remember being in 8th/9th grade and being in health class and being taught of all the S TDs you were at risk for if you had sex and why you shouldl wait until married, and thinking to myself “wait why would the risk of S TDs go away just because you’re married? It magically disappears?” It didn’t make sense to me. Like BOOM you’ll get an S TD simply because the person you slept with wasn’t your spouse. I wish I would’ve raised my hand and asked that! Sex was just taught as dirty and risky.

Post # 13
Member
8982 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Overjoyed :  I’ve read lots of stories similar to your friend – it’s insane to think girls can flip the switch from “this is dirty and wrong” to all of a sudden it being great. I liken it to when my husband and I first tried to get pregnant – I had spent the better part of a decade trying to not get knocked up so the first time he came inside me and I wasn’t on the pill I had a momentary freak out like “oh shit I might get pregnant now!” even though that was entirely the point. 

Post # 13
Member
4618 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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chelbell23 :  agreed. 

 

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Overjoyed :  [Comment moderated for TOS violation]. Language can be hurtful and potentially dangerous. You’ve mentioned morality, purity, godly. The implication being that if someone doesn’t subscribe to the things you hold dear then they’re immoral, unpure and not godly.

Post # 14
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m very much in the camp of keeping children/adolescents/teens highly informed about safer sex practices and encouraging them to wait until they can accept responsibility for their body/any consequences and respect for their partners.

Tying virginity to marriage is against human nature and has no effect whatsoever on teenage sexual behavior EXCEPT in the negative sense. 

Side note… Weren’t “Virginal brides”  encouraged more to ensure that heirs/lineage of royal bloodlines were accurate and truly “blue”?

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