Post # 16
I am not religious. But I feel that we need to spend more time teaching girls how to protect themselves emotionally and physically. This goes beyond STIs and unplanned pregnancies… but being educated in picking better partners who respect them. If you are looking for a one nighter… then whatever you want but be safe… but you cannot expect stability from a one night stand. But if you are looking for a long term relationship… really evaluate the guy/girl before you jump in the sack. Take caution about the type of partners you get involved with… not worry about how “defiling” it is.
So if I have a daughter someday… I will spend more time teaching her to just be careful in how and who when she chooses to start being active in that department. Not basically pre slut shaming her if she chooses to not wait.
Post # 17
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
somathemagical : Yep. It’s a feudalistic concept that got tied to religion.
Post # 18
I grew up in a more or less nonreligious household, and around 13 got the whole “sex is probably best avoided as a teenager given the things that can go wrong but if you want to do it, here’s how to minimize the risks,” spiel. At the same time I was going to my friend’s church with her where they went on…and on…and on about how sex was terrible and you will DIE OF AIDS and you are gross if you do it. I even got a purity ring that I accidentally flushed down the toilet a week later. Oops.
I stopped going to that church (for many reasons) and went with my parents’ idea instead. Works great, no pregnancy, no death by AIDS, no shame.
Post # 19
chelbell23 : Ah thanks!! I just read your previous comment!
Post # 20
Overjoyed : Hi overjoyed! I love that you are both Christian and sex positive (I dont see that in alot of women)
Here are my thoughts:
I’m a practicing Catholic. Im also sexually active and unmarried (Scadelous, I know)
I had planned on waiting until marriage but was raped as a teenager. After that point I had a very weird, dirty and scared view of sex. Later on in highschool, I started dating a very kind guy whom I’m still good friends with today. In my mind I didnt want to feel broekn anymore and wanted to know how to be physcally loved and expereince pleasure npt pain. My highschool bf and I had sex and he helped me through alot of my issues.
I don’t believe in sleeping around (to each her own, not judging sex is great!), but if I deeply care about someone I will show my love physically
Post # 21
I personally think we need less purity and more ritualistic sex for magicks.
Post # 22
Also, I’m very sure I don’t believe in the concepot of “saving yourself for your husband.”
I have a friend from college who had recently turned 33, was single without any prospects, and had been “saving herself” all those years. A little while ago, she had a full on existential meltdown about the absence of the husband she’d been promised would materialize if she just did her part and stayed “pure.” She eventually realized that the two things are unrelated. If you’re abstaining from sex because you believe it pleases God, then good for you. But that’s a personal choice and has nothing to do with a namelss, faceless, future husband who may or may not ever show up. I’m worried that line of thinking leads down the slippery slip of all men having some level of ownership over the sexuality of all women (because afterall, one of them is your future husband).
Post # 23
konablend : this is SO important. I have every intention of teaching my children about the mental and emotional considerations of sex both inside and outside of marriage. Everyone gleefully told me how I’d get pregant and die of AIDS if I had premarital sex. But not one of them mentioned other things to be aware of such as managing the double standards about male and female promiscuity, or boys potentially using you for their own physical gratification with no intention of satisfying you sexually, or determining your own boundaries before some boy comes demanding something you’re uncomfortable with. Kids today even have to be aware of things like revenge porn. I think parents are afraid that if they are open about sex then kids will take that as a license to experiment. My thought is that hopefully mine won’t, but if they do the last thing I want is them out there taking risks ignorant and afraid.
Post # 24
I grew up part of this movement. My parents taught only “no sex before marriage.” While I didn’t learn about sex from my parents, or my school, or my church, I did learn about how to feel about it. I do not know how it could have been better, because I am not sure there is a way to encourage waiting until you are married to have sex, and also make that a positive experience that builds healthy self esteem. I maintain my Christian faith, and I feel deeply rooted. However, I have every intention of teaching my children about their bodies, autonomy, and sex. My husband and I will normalize sex. If my children want to bring their partners to my home, I will be absolutely fine with that. My children feeling safe in their relationships, and their bodies is so incredibly important. At the end of a life, an individual’s walk with Jesus is their own. I cannot influence true faith in my children any more than I can in any other grown person. My child can come to his or her own conclusion about when they are ready for sex. I am just going to make sure they know they are completely loved regardless of that choice. I do not want to be the reason they tie any faith they may have to sexual morality because it is destructive. It was for me, and lots of other women I know who continue to heal from the policing of their bodies, and their sexuality. I just won’t do it.
Post # 25
ladyartichoke : huh? You can check my posting history. I’m far from a troll. You might like to re-read my posts in this thread. I’ve only spoken about my own choices here, not criticized anyone elses. I have my beliefs about morality/godliness/etc and I base my behavior around them. I am not qualified to judge another person as immoral/ungodly, and wouldn’t bother trying. I am therefore making no reference at all to “if someone doesn’t subscribe to the things I hold dear,” because that’s literally irrelevant. Also, I intentionally used quotes around the word “purity” just about every time I used it, including in the thread title. And that’s precisely because I don’t subscribe to the idea.
Post # 26
If you’re truly looking for a good religious discussion, you’ve come to the wrong place. The Bees are known for bashing these ideas-as you have already witnessed so far in this thread!!
Post # 27
mrsaime : I’m looking for a good discussion. Doesn’t have to be “religious” per se. I’ve enjoyed the perspectives I’ve seen so far. While I don’t advocate bashing anyone’s beliefs, I’m not a fan of this “purity” concept either. Also…I’m not new here 🙂
Post # 28
I think it’s creepy that some religions put so much focus on sex. Why do they care so much? Sex is not as big a deal as lots of people make it out to be. People don’t change once they have sex. The idea that virginity is ‘lost’ is very telling as it implies you are LESS of a person because something is GONE. It’s engrained, normal, socially acceptable language…but when you actually think about the connatation it is much more than just a phrase.
Post # 29
princessmiaofgenovia : my understanding is that in the Bible, the Hebrew terms rendered “virgin” simply meant unmarried woman (it may have also denoted being of marriageable age). The Greek term translated as virgin in English can apply to males as well. I think you’re right that it’s certain societies that have attached a sexual meaning to the term.
Post # 30
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
I’m going to teach my kids that sex is natural and fun, but should be practiced responsibly and only with both parties are comfortable/ready. The notion that sex is only for when you’re in love is toxic, IMO, because it creates a culture of women that are ashamed to have casual sex and a culture of men that lie to women “come on, I love you, if you love me you’ll do it too” to get them to cave and have sex when they aren’t ready. I want my children to grow up with a sex positive attitude, but to also be safe and smart about it. You don’t have to be in love to have or enjoy sex.
The whole church/purity issue is totally separate, and I won’t go into it on this thread. I think religious figures have absolutely no business knowing about the sex lives of teenagers.