"Purity," Sex Positivity and Religion

posted 5 months ago in Christian
Post # 31
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

princessmiaofgenovia :  “I think it’s creepy that some religions put so much focus on sex. Why do they care so much?”  Because religion was one of the tools used by the patriarchs of the olden days when the resources were scarces to make sure their children is actually theirs and they weren’t raising other male’s offspring.

Post # 32
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I wasn’t raised Christian, but I was raised by very religious parents and I spent a few years in Catholic school. (It was the best private school in the area, so.) And yeah, I definitely think it does more harm than good.

Teenagers and adults are going to have sex. That is a fact of life. You can spend years telling us it’s dirty, it makes us worthless, that we’ll get pregnant or contract diseases and ruin our lives, and we’re still going to have sex. Humans are horny bastards like that.

And between all this fear mongering, no one ever takes the time to actually talk to us about sex. In eleventh grade, two different girls in my class got pregnant because they were told condoms never worked and didn’t bother. I know grown adults who’ve contracted herpes because they thought lesbian sex couldn’t spread sexually transmitted diseases. I had an awful experience with sex in high school with someone who absolutely did not mean to hurt me, because I didn’t know how to assert my boundaries or enough about sex to even know what those boundaries were. 

If and when I have children, I will definitely choose to educate them at home about sex and sexuality, rather than trust the American education system with it. Do I want them to have sex young? Not particularly. But if it happens, I’d rather they be safe. 

  • This reply was modified 5 months ago by  clarissamay. Reason: weddingbee changed stds to save the date cards, which is very much not what i meant
Post # 33
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Overjoyed :  Elizabeth Smart has written and spoken extensively about how damaging purity culture is to girls and how much more difficult it made her recovery believing that she was dirty and used up. Extremely poignant stuff. 

And even aside from the damage it does to victims of sexual abuse, there is very real damage to all girls, whether they’ve engaged willingly in sex or remain virgins. It is such an arbitrary thing to place such value on. 

Post # 34
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m with you in terms of being sex-positive but also believing in premarital abstinence.  I waited until I was married and I don’t regret it.  My husband did not wait until marriage and actually wishes he did.  I don’t have a complex about sex being dirty or wrong.  While yes, I was told that I should save myself for my husband and he would appreciate it, for me it was much more making and keeping a promise to God to remain faithful to his teachings.  Clearly, this is not everyone’s experience.  

Darling Husband and I have talked about the fact that we want to make sure our children receive comprehensive sex education.  We would much rather our theoretical future children feel comfortable talking to us about uncomfortable things than be in trouble and hide it.  What I am NOT looking forward to is the extra judgement we will likely get because my husband is a pastor.  So there’s that.  Ultimately, though, I will deal with any amount of unwanted opinions and raise my theoretical children the way my husband and I see fit.

Post # 35
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

vertabella :  well Hinduism.

Maybe teach kids the Kama Sutra

Post # 37
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Overjoyed :  It’s entirely possible.  I refuse to bow to stereotypes of traditional families in ministry, however.  There is the occasionally the initial raised eyebrow when people discover I work but that certainly doesn’t stop me.  One of the reasons I think my husband is great as a pastor is that he is much more relatable than the stereotypical pastor.  So, we’ll see how it goes when it comes to childrearing.

Post # 38
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

lleello :  Everything you posted reflects why I think it is creepy that this day in age so much focus is put on sex. It disconcerts me that anyone is caring so much about what a person other than themselves is doing with their genitals. (In a consensual capacity ofc)

Post # 39
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

princessmiaofgenovia :  Unfortunately with the (US) current government ruled by the majority of old men, I think consciously or subconsciously they want to maintain the secondary effect from religion, which is being able to rule everyone and esp women, hence why they want to maintain/strengthen religion effect over people even more so in the current time (sorry English is not my main language).

I think faith can have good effect towards people, but organized faith have much bigger possibility to be bent towards the ruling class. E.g., the difference between Jesus’ teaching during the time He lived and how Bible was written during the Middle Ages.

Post # 40
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Just wanted to say I have the same beliefs as you in that respect. Your children will be lucky to grow up with a healthy approach to these things.  It’s possible to be a Christian and be sex positive! The purity thing is sexist and damaging to boys and girls, virginity isn’t some creepy prize. It’s such a shame young people have that drilled into them. Overjoyed :  

Post # 41
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

Overjoyed :  Having been raised mostly irreligious, I have often found some of the teachings by staunch fundamentalists, particularly related to sex, quite damaging and sometimes tantamount to child abuse.

Post # 43
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

Christian parents/leaders are obligated to teach against premarital sex just as they should teach against any other sin. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. That being said, I do think some major circles within Christianity have taken it to an extreme which suggests sex is always a dirty, nasty, taboo thing, when the Bible itself teaches otherwise. I believe there’s a balance of being “sex positive” and yet not encouraging or implying that premarital sex is nothing more than a personal choice and isn’t a big deal, biblically speaking. I’d also like to point out that premarital sex is sinful for both women AND men; I’m not sure why virginity and “purity” has become a thing desirable only in/for women. Men have just as much responsibility to control themselves. I’d also like to echo pp in that we should desire to remain “pure” not for man’s sake, but in obedience to God. With that in mind, perhaps virginity became such a desired thing to men because it’s a proclamation of a woman’s virtues, rather than a mere fetish so many have made it out to be? 

The extreme some denominations have gone to also puts a huge strain of shame on anyone who has given in to temptation, leading them to keep it a secret and suffer with guilt all alone when they shouldn’t have to. Premarital sex, like all sin, is forgivable, yet a lot of those in religious communities treat it like a scarlet letter…an unforgivable mistake. This sort of attitude towards sex, again, scares people and puts a negative connotation on it. Losing one’s virginity doesn’t/shouldn’t make them “damaged goods”, it’s their heart that matters, and a repented heart is a cleaned heart. 

 

I also believe such extreme, strict regulations on things can often make temptations worse. The only reason I ever googled porn when I was home alone for the first time, was because sex/nudity was so vigorously censored from me….otherwise I’d have no interest. That’s a pretty tame rebellion compared to others, but it’s a rather common occurance that extremely sheltered individuals end up going buck wild when they get their first shot at indepedence or rebellion. “Pastor’s kids” are often given that stereotype for a reason…

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