(Closed) Pushing back wedding date because of superstition

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1990 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m the type of girl that typically does what she wants when it comes to stuff like this.  Everyone around me knows it, so eventually, they just follow suit, because they know I’m going to do it my way, and there’s no stopping me.  In these situations, people have as much power as you give them. When you decide you’re going to do what your heart desires, no matter what, you take their power away.

My advice is to go on with your plans.  Those who matter will fall in line, and those who don’t shouldn’t matter.

Post # 17
Member
7351 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

We picked out wedding date based on lunar timing and some other things related to planets and our birthdays so I can understand people being concerned with faith or superstitions.

Is there any ceremony you can do to ameliorate the “bad luck”? Some kind of blessing that could allay fears of your family while also showing that you and your sister are both okay with the arrangement?

Post # 18
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I know it’s easy for everyone to say it doesnt matter. Beacuse it doesnt matter to their culture.

I am having the same problem with my wedding. In my culture appearantly you cant get married in the year of the monkey (which it just became, as of feb 9th, 2016). Sooo many people laugh, and say that its silly. I think so too. But do you have any idea how hard it is to plan even a single aspect of a wedding, without so much as a shred of support??? I dont know if I can even find a willing caterer! It is insane!

At this point it feels easier to just push the date back, as most of the guests are convinced that we’ll be eternally doomed if we go through with it. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 19
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

welcome to my life !!!!!! Ethnically I am Half tibetan and half chinese, but my family still follows chinese traditions. My cousin got married 2015 so his sister had to marry legally but can’t have the wedding till this year 2016. I got engaged last year married legally this year but can’t have my wedding till next year 2017.It is annoying but my 80 year old tibetan grandmother requested it. It is hard to not obey, tibetans are really religious and superstitous.  On top of this to marry next year i need to marry exactly on JUNE 18th 2017. A monk picked out the date, to tibetans it is important to have a date picked out by a monk. However, I grew up in Canada and pretty much white washed and don’t care. However, because my parents are paying for it , the least I could do is do what makes them happy. My husband is 75 Japanese and 25 Korean and his family dosen’t care at all.

My mother in law told me they understand the chinese ways and respect it, since his uncle married a chinese lady and went through the same thing. My wedding planner asked me why it is on a sunday lol… and not friday, I told her the tibetan monk insisted a sunday. It is annoying since i have friends flying from asia all the way to canada for my wedding. what is suprising is that my wedding is in 2017 but june 18th 2017 many of the vendors in vancouver and the photographer i picked are already booked. I guess my family is not the only one. 

In the mean time I have more time with my planner and vera wang takes up to a year to make some of her dress ๐Ÿ˜‰ that is always a plus. Take your time, it is annoying but since it makes everyone happy. No matter how much I don’t care about these supersitions I would never get married on the 14th hat means i will die in chinese, 4th is death and 24th = son will die.. Can’t get over it. 

Even our court marriage had to be picked, it was Jan 8th on a friday ( 1,8,5 all good numbers)

Post # 21
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

SOUTION W/OUT CHANGING YOUR DATES: This is thinking outside the box.

There are multiple calender years! Although most of us follow the Gregorian Calender year (Jan-Dec 2016) it is not the only “year”. For example the Chinese just celebrated their New Year on Feb 8. The Jewish New year will be October 2, 2016 (meaning it will be a different year than it is now). And there are many other calender years for other cultures still used today.ย In fact, the calender we go by ( Jan-Dec ) was created in 1582…pretty new calender even if it feels set in stone.

Keep your dates- if someone from the family raises the point of it being in the same year, correct them- tell them its not the same year in the ย [insert culture here] Calender!ย 

It’s your truthful loophole out of the whole “same year” superstituion. Best of all, no bad luck (or guilty feelings) for you or your sister. ย ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
ellecherie:  I know what you mean. I want an outdoor wedding too. Thats why I decided to wait until August 2017, rather than having a rushed wedding before February 2016 (while it was still the year of the sheep). I haven’t been engaged long anyways. Perhaps it is better this way, more time to put together your dream wedding.

View original reply
peppercosmo:  I totally relate to everything you are saying! My fiance and I are Mongolian, but I grew up in Australia and him in Germany. We dont really get all these traditions, but our families are adament. ๐Ÿ™ Most of my mongolian friends say stuff like “why would you have an unlucky wedding?” while my foriegn friends burst out laughing. I dont know which annoys me more.

We did have a traditional “giving away” ceremony in January, just in time before the year of the monkey came around, to sort of tide us through waiting a whole year. The date was picked out by a monk

At least its nice to know i am not the only one with this ridiculous problem! Best of luck ladies!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 23
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
ellecherie:  As someone who has grown up exposed to two very different cultures, my conclusion is that life would be impossible if we tried to abide by every single superstition that exists in the world. Every single number would be unlucky and I wouldnt be able to walk down the streets without running into some sort of omen each day lol. Who knows, sisters getting married in the same year might be a super lucky thing to do in a different culture.

Post # 24
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Well, all I can say is I understand how much superstition sucks for wedding dates.

I wanted the 20th specifically but no late fall month with the 20th is “safe” for family. So we have to technically get married on the 18th which is auspicious for registering. Then they want to hold the ceremony on the 19th (which I don’t think she realizes isn’t a lucky day yet…) instead of the 20th (which is safe for ceremony) like I was originally led to believe would be fine. And the reception will supposedly be able to be done on the 20th…I guess the thought is that our marriage will have endless noise if we marry on a bad day. I’m not superstituous so it doesn’t mean anything to me. However, ultimately I just don’t want family drama/concern over a date. I think we’ll just register our marriage in September on the 20th so I can have my “20” which would be auspicious and still travel there in November for the ceremony on the auspicious day they want.

I think you should do what will make you most happy and what you feel is best in your situation. There’s no right or wrong. Family will get over it and your sister will live. 

Post # 25
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Wedgewood Tower Club

View original reply
ana2017:  Why might that be, may I ask? I’m super curious!

Post # 27
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Wedgewood Tower Club

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ellecherie:  How fascinating! Thank you so much for your insight. 

Post # 28
Member
3895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
topshelfprincess:  because on eastern astrology 2016 is a “Blind year” or “widow year”. 

Post # 29
Member
3895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
ellecherie:  awell we got engaged in may 2015 and want a spring-fall wedding and there was no way I’m getting married in 2016… so the wedding is July 2017

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