- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Ladies, please tell me if this has happened to you before and if your response would have been similar to mine:
I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have shared the news with our parents, siblings, grandparents, a VERY FEW close friends (our best friends), and our direct teams at work (which for the both of us add up to about 5 people). Recently, one of my best friends began working for the same very small software company that I work for. I’ve been here 3 years, he’s been here 4 months.
I have a really good relationship with my direct boss (the founder of our company) and our CTO (together they run the show here). I was employee number 7 so we’ve all been through a lot together and treat each other very much like family. When I found out I was pregnant I was sick nearly every morning and having a hard time coming into the office at my usual time. There were a few times in which I literally had to get off the train to throw up and wait for the next one to come. I told my boss what was going on and he was so happy for my husband and I and told me that I had the utmost flexibility and not to worry about a thing. He’s pretty awesome. Our CTO is also really excited for us and just checks on me all the time “are you feeling good?” “I’m going down to the lobby store, want some fruit or anything?” (I’ve been craving fruit like crazy). Everyone has been sweet and has done a really good job at keeping my secret until I felt comfortable telling my office mates.
Fast forward to last week, I told my direct team (engineering) and also the Sales team (the team my friend is on-he knew before I told my boss) because I work really closely with them and my working from home when I’m not feeling well would directly impact them. I also ask that they not share with the rest of the floor (we share with another company). I planned on doing so myself.
I still have not told ALL of our friends yet because I am still early and a little nervous. The people who I have told are those who will know how to allow me to grieve if something were to go wrong, including those I work with. I hope that makes sense.
Last week I was in the kitchen and my friend, who I repeatedly asked not to share my news because my husband and I wanted to do it ourselves, slipped and told me he told one of our mutual friends. From the beginning of my pregnancy he was very pushy and kept telling me “You should tell this person, you should tell that person.” My response was always “It is my news to share, when Darling Husband and I are ready, we will share with everyone. Right now, I’m not sharing yet.” After he told me he told our mutual friend, I calmly asked why he thought it was ok to do that. His reponse was “Well, you told people at work.” GREAT, but I also asked you not to share my news with anyone. He then tried pushing me to call my friend and tell him myself. I firmly said “no.” He was worried about looking like a jerk to our friend, which honestly, I kinda felt like he deserved. The rest of the day he repeatedly asked me to text or call or friend to tell him. I was in the office kitchen and he asked me again and I blew up. Things like this wouldn’t have bothered me before, but I finally yelled “When you are growing a human inside of your uterus, you can tell whoever whenever you want. Until then, you have no business sharing my news with anyone. Friend or not!”
He hasn’t apologized and is still carrying on about telling people who I am not ready to tell yet. I was even put on the spot at work when someone from the other company was in the kitchen with us and he asked me, while I was mid conversation with this person, “Hey, have you told him yet?” WTF??
Am I wrong to be this frustrated? Am I being a jerk? Does my reasoning behind telling my direct team members and not anyone else yet make sense?