Pushy FSIL & In-laws… how to deal?

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1959 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think some PPs are a little off base with their comments. But I think it’s hard for some people to understand unless they’ve been in this situation.

OP doesn’t want to go to every sports game that her nephew plays in. I completely understand. That’s not a commitment for which she signed up. That one request that could easily dominate every single summer Saturday. And that’s just one of FSIL’s requests for one of her kids, if you factor in all the demands the future in-laws are making on OP and her FI’s time, OP will never have a life of her own or free time with her Fiance.

There should be balance. OP’s Fiance is not his nephew’s father, nor should he be expected to step into that role. There is a huge difference in the involvement of an uncle vs a father. As it should be.

OP, I feel your pain, and I understand it, because I’ve been in the same situation. The difference is that my husband and I are a united front. We did have some discussions/decisions before we married and soon after marriage to iron out how we feel about family involvement, and to be honest sometimes one or the other of us promises to much to one side of the family or the other out of guilt. We’re a work in progress. But, together, we have made progress and we have lives separate from our families. We both had to compromise some to get there, and we’ve both been consistent with discussing any request someone makes of our time together before agreeing to anything.

My mom invites me or us over to her house for dinner? I ask Darling Husband and ensure we have time planned out for just us that week and we won’t be too stressed. Mother-In-Law wants us all over for a holiday? Darling Husband asks me the same.

You have to be united, or this will never work.

Post # 17
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s good that your fiance is on your side with this, but it’s definitely tough to have to stand up to the family when  he’s just been going along his whole life. The two of you can come up with firm, non-argumentative responses to invitations and guilt trips that you both just repeat as many times as they try to make you change your mind. Something like…

Family: Come to this thing!

Fiance: I’m sorry, but OP and I already have plans.

Family: But faaaamily! What could possibly be more important? You can spend time with friends but not with family?! What are these plans?!

Fiance: I love you, but our plans are our business. We’ll be at future event and be together then! (repeat as many times as necessary)

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