(Closed) Pushy!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow that is surprising. My Fiance isn’t even having all of his brothers be groommen and I am not having any of his sisters be bridesmaids. That seems a little much to assume that you are going to have a cousin unless you two are really close.

Post # 6
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

maybe there is another role you can give her?  also, my cousin, who I’m really close to, has chosen her sister and her three closest friends – they are not including his sisters.  I totally understand because she is not including cousins – I am sure I will get to do fun things with her like go for the dress and help throw parties, but I do not need the title to feel included.  I totally understand why this stresses you out – everything seems like a big deal while it’s happening, and I think you’re legitimately worried.  As long as you’re not including any cousins, I would tell your cousin this and find some other way for her to be involved.

Post # 7
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My sister-in-law did the same thing! Just after I got engaged, she said, “So, are you going to ask me to be a bridesmaid?” I was flustered! The answer was no (we’ve never been close), but it seemed rude to say it outright so I said I was having a small wedding party but definitely wanted her girls to be flower girls (BTW, my SIL had 6 bridesmaids and I wasn’t one of them).

Post # 8
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t worry about it.  When you see her in a few weeks, if she bugs you about it just tell her who you have picked.  You don’t owe her a justification and don’t say it like you’re hesitant to tell her.  Be happy, perky and excited about it, just like you would be if someone normal (meaning not expecting to be in your wedding) asked you.  She has no reasonable expectation as to why she should be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it’s not like you’re super close and been like sisters.  Don’t let the stupid stuff stress you out, because trust me, there will be a ton of other things to do that lol.

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

That is, in my opinion, rude of her. Like any bride out there needs any added stress or pressure from anyone. Bridesmaids are your and your fiance’s decision entirely and the honor should be reserved for people you love and who mean a lot to you and who you truly want up there with you. I think the easiest thing to do the next time you see her and she asks (because it sounds like she undoubtedly will) is to say that you and your fiance have already chosen the wedding party and were under constraints or limitations and unfortunately neither of you could have everyone you wanted up there with you. Although, you certainly shouldn’t have to justify your decision or explain to her why you chose/didn’t choose who you did. You could just say “we’ve already chosen our wedding party” and leave it at that – no explanation needed.

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

A friend of mine had a very similar situation happen.  She ended up feeling pressured into asking the cousin to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, at which point the cousin refused!  So strange.  It was obvious in that situation that she just wanted to be thought of.  It could be the same with this girl.  But, since you don’t want to extend an obligatory invite (and who can blame you), I’d just be upfront, and maybe a lil less than totally honest.  I’d say something like, “I had a really difficult time picking my BM’s, I wish I had more room for you but I just don’t.  But I’d love to included you some other way.”

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