(Closed) Put between a Rock and a Hard place with FSIL as Bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1364 posts
Bumble bee

How old is your FSIL? 

Post # 4
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

If you are in the US, you are fine. This is crazy town. 

Post # 5
34 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

IMO you’re being very reasonable, where I’m from the girls pay for, their dress, shoes, bridal shower, bacherlorette party, hair and make up if they want it done. I think it’s really nice you are paying For their make up, I feel you haven’t asked for anything outragous, maybe your Fiance should have a talk with her. If you want to her out you could say Future Sister-In-Law if this is to muchon you to be a bridesmaid maybe it would be more enjoyable if you came as a guest. But kniw if you ask her that it could burn bridges and she is soemoen you would have to see again. But if she does want to step down do not replace her 

Post # 6
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

What I would do, is something many would disagree with. I would suck it up, and pay for the dress myself. As far as hair, pretend you understand that she wishes to do her own hair. If she tells you no, I want to get it done by your stylist and you will pay for it, I would suck it up again.

This is your Future Sister-In-Law, someone you hope will be in your life forever. Fifty bucks is not worth a lifetime of snotty looks and snubs. You may get them anyway, but it won’t be over the wedding.

Post # 7
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

you’re being more than reasonable (except about the shower.. I agree with her there. When I hosted my besties shower I didn’t ask for money from any of the BMs because they weren’t involved in the process… a few did help by bringing something, but didn’t cough up cash)

It actually sounds to me like you have a Future Mother-In-Law issue. Is she helping to pay for the wedding? because if she is you should tell her she’s right! it is rude. and then send her the bill

Post # 8
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You are not being unreasonable.  In my area, it is pretty much expected that the bridesmaids pay for their dress/shoes, and contribute to your bachelorette and most likely throw you a shower.  If hair or make-up is paid for by the bride, it’s a plus.  My friends did all this for me, and I did the same for them.  I’d actually feel like a shitty friend if I didn’t throw my friend a shower or contribute to her bachelorette, but maybe that’s just my southern hospitality talking.

 She might think you’re being rude, but IMO she is being rude by knowingly throwing all the financial responsibility on the other girls. This girl has obviously never been a bridesmaid, and she’s in for a rude awakening when her friends start getting married. lol 

I agree with other PPs, maybe you or your Darling Husband can discuss this with her, let her know this is how things are normally done in your area and you thought it was implied when you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and if she doesn’t want to be a part of it, then you’re happy to have her as a guest. 

Post # 9
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I would probably respond with something like,

“I’m sorry that you find offense to how I have been handling things. Among my friends and family, it is traditional for the bridesmaids to pay for these things. I have tried to be as accommodating as possible, and have tried to minimize expenses, but again, among my circle it is traditional for bridesmaids to be responsible for these costs. I never meant to be rude or cause any offense to you. I can cover the cost of the dress, and please feel free to wear any shoes you already own. As for hair, that is completely optional and you do not have to get it professionally done. I hope that you enjoy my wedding, and I look forward to having you stand up with me when I marry your amazing brother.”

She’s being ridiculous, but it’s better to try to smooth things over. No use fighting over this. I would, however, only cover the cost of the dress, and she can figure out the other stuff because you’re not dictating what shoes she wears or how her hair is done and you shouldn’t be responsible for that.

Post # 10
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would make my Fiance deal with his mother and sister and tell them to cut the crap. They are being ridiculous, you are being absolutely reasonable. You aren’t requiring her to pay for anything (except for the dress, which you already paid for anyway and is an expected cost of being a bridesmiad in the U.S. – if you live in the U.S. and she does as well I refuse to believe she doesn’t know this). 

Post # 11
6831 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like a real pill. Though I do agree with her about the shower. It’d be different if all the BMs got together to plan/throw one, but it sounds like that was not the case. 

Before you and your Maid/Matron of Honor went dress shopping, did you discuss prices with all the BMs? Did you tell them each that it would be $50 before your Maid/Matron of Honor went ahead and purchased everything? What did you Future Sister-In-Law originally said when you discussed these things with her (before any decisions were made)?

Post # 12
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you are from the US, your Future Sister-In-Law and FMIl are out of line.  Tell Future Sister-In-Law, if she doesnt want her hair done, just show up wherever.   Do NOT let her manipulate you into paying.  I would be more worried that FMIL/FSIL will mooch off you after wedding.  Good luck.


PS – $50 is rockbottem for Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, what did she expect???

Post # 13
1184 posts
Bumble bee

If you’re in the UK, I’d have said that your should buy the dresses, hair etc. and would have agreed with your Future Sister-In-Law  

Its all about local customs and whether they’re just being stroppy. 

Post # 14
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think it is usually expected that a Bridesmaid or Best Man pays for her own stuff (unless the bride has enough money to cover it, which is nice). She should have known this before agreeing to be one (unless they are from a different culture?). Both of them are acting bratty.

Post # 15
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Unless there are cultural or regional customs which I am not aware of, being a bridesmaid comes with financial responsibility for attire, hair, make up and gift for the birde. 

Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds cheap and rude. You have been very kind as well as accomodating to her. Many SILs would have asked her to step down from being a bridesmaid by now. 

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