(Closed) Put my foot in it: Contacted husband's relative

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

CloverfieldStomp:  WHY was he so upset that you contacted her? I don’t get it and I don’t think you did anything wrong. 

Post # 3
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

So your fiance exploded at you because you emailed his relative asking for her address, and YOU want to make amends? I don’t quite see his point the way you do – why exactly is he justified in “exploding” for asking someone for her address? Right now I’m thinking this is one of those times where you coldly inform your fiance he’s out of line for “exploding” (depends on what that means to you, though, really) and wait for HIM to apologise…

Post # 4
442 posts
Helper bee

… What? I don’t even understand what you possibly could have done “wrong”? Your husband is being absolutely ridiculous.

Post # 5
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

CloverfieldStomp:  I don’t see anything to apologise for. Why would your husband “explode” over this? Did he not want to invite her or something?

Post # 7
9536 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

“if they’re our relatives, then we will do talking”

See, even if that were true… his mother gave you the address and asked you to e-mail the aunt.  So, really, you were told by HIS family to do the talking.  Still no reason for him to get upset.

Glad you got some sense into him.

Post # 9
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

CloverfieldStomp:  Pfft I would probably ‘explode’ right on back and him and say something like “well YOUR mother gave ME her email so of course I emailed her to get her mailing address dummy”.


Agree with PP: glad you got some sense into him, hopefully he will either get over it quick smart or up his game and not take so long to address invites in the first place!

Post # 10
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had to do something very similar with people on my guest list.  For FI’s extended family, I started off by asking Future Mother-In-Law to help me get the addresses out of her mother (FI’s grandmother), but it was taking FOREVER and I’m still not sure why.  Something about culture and the traditional lines of communication.  When that didn’t work and I was getting down to the wire for sending save-the-dates, I ended up logging into my FI’s Facebook account, adding one of the younger members of the extended family as a friend, and once he accepted that request I sent him a link to a Google spreadsheet and asked him to please help me with the names and addresses for his father and siblings and their children/significant others.  Within an hour he had the entire thing filled out perfectly, something I couldn’t accomplish during MONTHS of strife with FMIL!  I had to do the same thing with some of my parents’ friends when my parents took too long to gather addresses.  I just added them on Facebook and asked myself!  

Luckily, nobody has seemed offended by my actions.  FMIL was relieved to be off the hook!  I don’t care if what I did wasn’t “traditional”; I don’t see the problem in politely taking charge of something I need for my own darn wedding ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

CloverfieldStomp:  Yep, I’m white and Fiance is Vietnamese.  However, the majority of the cultural expectations are coming from his grandparents, because his mother considers herself the black sheep of the family and doesn’t always feel like conforming!  I do think she tried her best to get the information I needed, but the oldest generation was NOT cooperating.  Luckily Future Mother-In-Law and I have a pretty solid relationship.  Oh, and that younger relative TOTALLY gets a shout-out.  I have him marked down for unlimited cake in our guest list spreadsheet ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Where is the part where you did anything wrong? An explosion is a sure overreaction.

Post # 14
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Despite multiple updates I still fail to see what you did wrong.. Even if he did feel that way, exploding over it is just immature and unncessary.

Post # 15
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Your Fiance sounds like mine in several ways. Fiance is a HUGE procrastinator BUT he wants to do all his family stuff himself – addressing invites, thank you cards, etc. I have taken the mindset of “he’s a grown man, he can handle it” – that means that some of “his” invites didn’t go out until a couple of weeks after mine, but me nagging him just made things worse. Even though it gives me anxiety, i know he will handle things in his own way, and if he doesn’t, well it’s on him. 

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