Post # 1
This one is a little long, so skip to the end if you just want to read the question!
So, SO and I went to he ring shop again on saturday (yay!) and found a real beauty. SO asked the jewler how long it would take to make one very similar, in my size and was told about 8 days (hold your horses though… Iwon’t be getting it in 8 days time). When my SO asked about price, the ring is above my SO’s budget – I told him that i’d be happy to go for a smaller diamond, but he wants to do things ‘properly’ (and i’m not going to argue!). He did tell me that this is going to take him another 6 months or so to save up… (he’s been saving for almost 1 year – an has just managed to pay off most of his debts so I don’t want to be pushy). The only problem is that I REALLY wanted an engagement in the snow… and thats not going to happen, so I suggested that I put some money in too, to help seeing as though he has saved up the most himself. I earn a bit more than he does, so I have a little more cash to spare and figure that we alreay share all of the living costs now, and will be sharing this ring and them moment it brings for the rest of our lives. He’s not comfortable about this, so I told him that I’ll pay some cash into his savings account on a monthly basis, to match what he adds and if he doesn’t want to use it he can give it back to me after we’re engaged.
So long story short… what do you think about contributing towards your own ring?
Let me know your thoughts!
Post # 3
hello! i agree with you. i would also love it if my bf would let me contribute with the cost of the ring. we have been ring shopping for like 6 months now… we´ve searched on the internet, visited jewelry stores, everything you can think of….and finally about 2 weeks ago, we found THE ONE….everything about the ring is perfect, including the price!!! the stone is amazing, and conflict free…(that was really important to us)….but my bf is still saving up his money to get to the price point we had agreed on….and he IS trying really really hard….he has his regular job, and then we work together on independent projects too (we´re both architects)….
At the very beginning of the year we planned on getting engaged this december…however, because it took him a little longer than expected to get his promotion, we had to change our plans…i offered my help in buying the ring (you know, so our plans wouldn´t be altered and we could still get engaged this christmas)….after all it is quite expensive (for us at least), and like you, i told him that if we´re getting married, we´ll be sharing the cost of everything from then on, what better way to start that than with our engagement ring…. but he turned me down flat. he said he understands we´ll have to work together to earn everything once we´re married, but in regards to the ring HE WONT TAKE 1 CENT from anyone, he says it means everything to him to be able to buy it for me, that it´ll make him fee proud of himself, and he won´t hear another word. i love him, and i want him to be happy…if buying the ring on his own means that much to him, i´ll wait for my ring as long as i need to wait…he really is one amazing man.
Post # 4
I probably would rather have a smaller one that he fully paid for; I think I would feel a little odd putting money towards my own. That’s just my personal opinion, though; I think it’s different for each person.
I guess when you think about it, your money will all come together once you’re married, so I can see where it wouldn’t bother a lot of people to buy towards their own ring.
Post # 5
If it works for you, I think contributing to your ring is a great idea! The decision to get engaged is one that’s being made by both partners, so why should the payment just have to come from one?
Personally, I would not contribute to my ring, but that’s becuase of my specific relationship with Mr. PB. In many wedding-related things, he is actually much more traditional than me, and I’m pretty confident he’d struggle with accepting my help. Luckily, while the ring I picked is expensive, it’s completely reasonable based on his income and savings. That’s not to say he has to get an expensive ring because he can afford it, but he wants (as I think most men do) to get me the ring of my dreams. He is also more able to contribute to that becuase his income is much higher. For our situation, this works for us – but every couple should make their own decision based on what’s right for them!
If your SO isn’t comfortable accepting money outright for your ring, perhaps you could contribute additional money to household expenses so he can save more for the ring? Just a thought!
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
He doesn’t sound comfortable with it, so I would not do it. The proposal and the ring is a guy’s time to shine. Trust me, any way he proposes will be magical, snow or no snow.
Post # 7
I was wondering if I could pay the jeweler so that when he trades my previous engagement ring for a new one that it will secretly trade in for a lot haha. I went yesterday and tried on my dream ring (Ritani) and it will probably be 1,000-2,000 more than he is thinking about spending. I think I will talk to him about it when the time comes! Try and talk reasonably with him about it and maybe he will come around!
Post # 8
I really wheeled and dealed with my Fiance on the engagement ring (a little embarassed to admit, but it’s true). The “stipulations” on his end was that he wanted to pay for the ring in full and, due to sentimental reasons, never wants me to “upgrade” or alter it in any way. I agreed, but under his conditions asked that I then start with a really spectacular ring. Spectacular typically meaning more expensive.
We agreed that I would pay every single bill in full and he could put his money towards saving for the ring. With this arrangement he was able to save up quite quickly “his” money for my awesomesocks ring.
If this is something you are able to do financially and your Fiance is agreeable to it, I highly recommend it. You may still be able to get your proposal in the snow!
Post # 9
I put some money towards my wedding band, but not the engagement ring.
Post # 10
I’m a huge supporter of chipping in for anything over what your guy planned on spending. Why make the poor guy go broke over a ring. And if you can afford it – more power to you. We had a similar deal. If the setting turned out to be over X number of dollars, I would pay for the difference. Not sure if my setting turned out to be within budget. But I got kicked out at the last minute and my guy refused my money saying he was never going to take my money. Sigh. Boys. But if he’s comfortable and you can do it – go for it! 🙂
Post # 11
I have to say a definate no
I understand what previous posters say, and thats fine. But this is a responsibility for your SO, it’s a pride thing. We can help of course by picking a ring within his budget and helping out with anything else after financial. But this is more than paying for a ring, this is his time to show his planning skills, commitment and listening to your wants and needs.
This is the time where the man becomes emotionally ready to ask you to be his wife, and prepare for it. By helping out, you may be rushing him too quickly through this process and he may be overwhelmed, and you may even find that he may think he’s not ready, which could delay your engagement further.
I say wait it out, offer compromises on price and give him advice, and just be patient as he figures it all out. Thats all we can do 🙂
Post # 12
Hey Bees – thanks for the great responses!
Having read what you’ve written i’ve taken on board a few great ideas and a variety of opinions, all that add something new.
To clarify – as I don’t want to seem like a spoilt brat in a hurry 🙂 – SO and will have been together 8 years this coming January and have lived together since the beginning (we had a 2 year LDR after uni where I think we spent most of our money on flights back an forth every month!). Marriage didn’t even enter his mind until about a year ago, when I asked him what was going on (we are very open about these things – if fact he’s sitting next to me, playing on his x-box (no he’s not 14 he is actually 27!?)) and giving his points of view on some of your ideas!)
He’s adamant that he wants a sunny proposal, so I won’t be getting the snow anyway, as he’s got a game plan… (Although I did just ask if he wants a sunny ‘hot in the middle of July’ proposal, or a sunny ‘crisp sunny day in the middle of March’ proposal, fingers crossed the later)
I’ll try to be patient for a little longer and help him financially in other ways just to give the support….
Thanks for your input bees!
Post # 13
We paid for our rings out of our joint account so I probably contributed but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we love each other and want to get married–I would have paid for the ring on my own with no issues if that was how it ended up working out.
Post # 14
I’m going to be contributing towards my own ring. SO and I have shared finances completely for the past 3 years, and to be honest, I have no idea how people even split finances and costs anymore, it’s just so much easier for us. We both share financial goals, and ideas so it’s never caused any problems for us. It would just make things too complicated if he had to start separating money from our account to put towards my ring.
I also know how hard my SO (and yours as well I’m sure!!) works, and he only wants the best for me, so I wouldn’t want to stress him out by putting the burden soley on him!
So after that long winded speech…I think if you’re both comfortable with it, than it’s perfectly fine! Everyone has their boundaries and if it would be something that would cause resentment or any ill feelings for either of you in the future, then hold off, but if you have both talked about it openly, and are ok, then go for it! 🙂
Post # 15
Fiance and I shared the payment for our wedding bands and my engagement ring aswell, We’ve had shared finances for 1+ years already . My sister bought her own wedding ring 10 years ago. I really don’t see a problem with what you are suggesting him.
Post # 16
I like the idea of helping out with ohter bils more so he can put more money toward the ring. It’s kind of an indirect and less obvious way to conribute which a guy may be more comfortable with.
Me and my SO have a joint account but he hates to use if for large purchases because he always wants to show he can handle it himself. So I’m not even going to suggest chipping in. I already know he wouldn’t allow it!
Even though he hasn’t said it, I know my SO is waiting for his tax return to buy my ring. Maybe your guy’s tax return will give him the needed boost to his savings!
I plan on buying both of our wedding rings, so that way he doesn’t have to worry about buying mine and will hopefully put more toward the engagement ring. Not because I want something extravagant, but because with more money comes more options.