Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2018 - Stone Rows Farm
I dont post on here to much, so i dont really care if i use my main screen name. All I ask of you all is to just support me and no more, only time will heal and atleast he did it now and not the day of the wedding… I want to have hope…
My Fiance and I have been together since we were juniors in highschool basically (with a 2 year hiatus) We have been in a solid 7 year relationship and he proposed last summer. August 25th 2011. The best day of our lives.. He was so excited and we were so happy…. Well fast forward to 2 weeks ago Feb 9th when he told me at 7am before work that hes been in a “funk” lately and is “nervous” about getting married. Well Ofcourse i flipped and asked if there was someone else (ofcourse theres not but you enver know) and he told me he would fix this. That weekend went by, i tried talking to him but his favorite thing to do when he has an issue is avoidance. The weekend was tough and MOnday night (night before V-day) he still wasnt able to get this feeling of “not being happy anymore” out of his head… So i asked him if he wanted me to go stay somewhere else while he gets his thoughts together (this ofcoruse was me hoping he would say no way i want u here) but he did not. So for the next week.. I stayed at our best friends house… Well I came home friday night, and he still hadnt figured it out. He said V-day was really depressing with out me and he wished i was here and he started crying when he todl me when he opened the vday card in it and it had a picture of us when we were 20.. on the beach, young and in love… This man NEVER cries.. I’ve heard him ry once when we were 20 and that was it… Now almost 28 years old hes crying like a baby over a picture of how happy he felt then.. happy and in love i guess he meant.. Well friday night went by tons of talking from me and no answers from him (i dunnos mostly) and Saturday he worked all day at his second job and that night whe i asked him again if he was going to fix this and he told me I dont know, I asked him if he wanted his ring back. He said no you keep it… I was like what? like a freaking aprting gift? So i took it off and gave it to him… And please dont think i was over reacting, bc this was strung along for over 11 days of me not living in my own house, butterflies in my stomach, not eating or sleeping, desperation… This man has been the love of my life since i first saw him in the hallway my sophmore year of highschool… And Sunday afternoon when he got home from “talking to his parents about everything” I walked in the door and saw the look on his face… I said did you figure anything out today? and he said yes… I said ok tell me…. And he said… “I love you” I said I love you too.. and then He told me it was off.. And I said what the wedding? and he said no everything… I then said but you just told me you loved me? And he said.. I do love you but im not IN love with you…I was so taken back… I immediatly called my dad hysterical asking him to come save me… My friend kate came and sat with me until my dad came.. I have never felt so lost in my life… It has now been over a week since last sunday and he has not contacted me… I have completly moved out of our home of 4 years, (my family did it this weekend while i sat on the empty bedroom floor crying) I want to have hope he will come back to me, but when i asked him if he was confident in his decision he said yes. He broke down crying again when he told me he will probably never find someone who loves me as much as i do… I am trying to move on, i am trying to stop crying everyday… My life, my love, my best friend, my financial stability, my home.. everything has been taken away by a decision he made bc one month went by where he couldnt find the love… He didnt even try to fight.. and he ended it… I dont know who toreach out too.. my family and friends have beenw ith me every night,… sleeping in bed with me, making sure im eating, walking my dog… i finally ust came back to work yesterday… I know hes upset… His life has changed too.. My friends stopped over there and said he looked like he had been crying and he thanked them for being there for me, but he just feels i deserve soemone who loves me as much as i love him… I dont know what im looking for from you ladies… I tend to get offended easily right now so just be gentle.. Im so sad and lost
Post # 3
Oh geez, I’m so sorry. I can feel how hurt you are through your post and offer major virtual *hugs*
It may be that this was something which has been developing in his mind for a while, and it wasn’t until this past month that he came to accept it? I can’t imagine someone just suddenly waking up and saying “It’s over” after 7 years building a life with someone. Either way, it sucks and it’s not going to be easy for you – but you WILL get through this. It’s good that you have a strong support network around you right now, lean on them and they’ll help you through it.
Because this has been particularly traumatic for you, I would gently suggest you get counseling – at least a couple of sessions – to help sort things out. It might help you make some sense of it all, or at the very least figure out how to deal with the pain in a safe way.
Post # 4
hugs no advice just some big HUGS
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2018 - Stone Rows Farm
@MissCalifornia: Thanks, I actaully contacted two different practices today… I know i need to talk to a professional.. I just cant imagine my life with out him…
Post # 6
I’m almost at a loss for what to say. I read this and almost started crying at my desk, it breaks my heart. I cannot even imagine. All I can say is I am SO sorry. You don’t deserve to go through all this 🙁
Sending hugs your way!
Post # 7
I am so so sorry. I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but things will get better. You will be happy again and find love again. Be kind to yourself (( hugs ))
Post # 8
I am so sorry you’re hurting . . . (((hugs))) . . . all we can offer are words of comfort. I can’t really tell exactly what happened between the two of you. What do you think went wrong? I’m sure you’ve been over and over this in your mind. Since you have been together so long you are going to grieve immensely and there is no way around this kind of pain, only through it. But, still, something about your story sounds as though there may still be hope. I don’t want to give you false hope, but has he given you a better explanation than he’s not “in love” any more? Did you ask him why? I can tell by your post that you still love and care for this man very much. Maybe try talking to him again . . . I am so sorry for your pain . . .
Post # 9
I dont think I have any meaningful advice for you but you said “I’m trying to move on”, I want to tell you that you take the time you need to cry, bawl, punch pillows, get mad, grieve. Its ok to be a total mess, look what is happening in your life.
On one hand I want to tell you to talk to him again, see if he just made a rash decision. But on the other hand, I just want to hug you and say that someday it will be ok.
Post # 10
so sorry to hear this! I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. sending prayers!
Post # 12
@kim14410: I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now, but it WILL get better!! I met an ex of mine in sohpmore year (of college) and we dated for about 8 years – unofficially junior/senior year), then officallly for 6 years after that. I ended it between us, and it was a very difficult decision. We didnt live together, but we still had a routine, meeting after work, spending all weekend together. It’s really hard at first cause everythign is just so different from the regular routine, but once you break out of it and create a new routine and move toward accepting a new life, it starts to feel ok. After a few years now, we’re actually friends again and chat once in a while and very happy with this new road our lives have taken us down.
Post # 13
Yeah, I don’t have any advice either, just know that we are all thinking of you & praying for you to heal. At least he had the courage to tell you how he was feeling instead of just going through the motions, getting married, and leaving you to wonder why he doesn’t love you anymore- he broke it off because he probably doesn’t want to put you through that. Small consolation, I know, but you will get through this, and you will be stronger for it <3
Post # 14
my best friend is going through something similar and it just breaks my heart!
so sorry to hear this 🙁 *hug*
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2018 - Stone Rows Farm
@ everyone so far… Thanks for all your words.. everyone is making me cry harder in my cubicle but i know i have to face that he just doesnt love me anymore.. my best friend told me.. I know you want him back but I dont think he is coming back and that she didnt mean to be so harsh…she just thinks i have to hear that to be able to heal… and i know that… i guess this is part of the grief…. denial, confusion… more denial… im just lost… i cant even get thru an hour of my day without crying still… Im scared of never finding anyone the way i loved him… and always comparing to him…. basically,.. never getting over him… my entire adult life has been with him… the whole thing..