Question about bridal shower drama!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

girlfromtexas1088 :  It is perfectly acceptable for your FMILto host a shower in your honor. Having said that, if you don’t want one, simply decline.

Post # 3
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

girlfromtexas1088 :  What’s the question? Where’s the drama?

Is the issue that your Mother-In-Law offered to throw a bridal shower for you and pay for it, but that makes you feel uncomfortable?

Post # 4
11 posts
  • Wedding: May 2018

It has been traditionally customary in the past to have your bridesmaids throw your bridal shower. However, that norm is out the window these days. Pretty much it is socially acceptable for anyone to throw you a bridal shower as long as they offer to do so and you’re comfortable with it. I am planning my own bridal shower (mainly becuase I’m a control freak!) but my best friend’s was thrown by some of her coworkers, and another of my friends had her hosted at her own house, but the effort was a combination of bridesmaids, her parents, and the grooms family. 

You shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but knowing that it is appropriate, keep it mind that declining the offer could be offensive to your Future Mother-In-Law. 


Just some thoughts

Post # 5
72 posts
Worker bee

This is pretty common.  My friend got married 2 years ago, and her family/bridesmaids do not live close so her Mother-In-Law threw her a shower.  I don’t think you should feel guilty about it – she clearly wants to do it and is comfortable spending the money on it.  If it is that you don’t like the idea of a shower/attention in general maybe you could tell her that.

Post # 6
1718 posts
Bumble bee

I find it sad that so many women feel guilty for others wanting to host showers in their honor as if they feel they aren’t worthy of a party or something. This mentality has to change.

Post # 7
3425 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

girlfromtexas1088 :  i didn’t have a shower because i hate them, so i told my mother and bridemaids to skip it. you don’t have to have one. that said, it sounds like your Mother-In-Law really wants to throw one for you – why not? she wants to, it’s perfectly acceptable for her to. there’s nothing to feel guilty about. some people just really like throwing parties. and some people just really love anything to do with weddings. does your Mother-In-Law have any daughters? it could be that this is her way of sort of having her own daughter get married.

Post # 8
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

bott2nicholas :  It might be socially acceptable nowadays for NEARLY anyone to throw you a bridal shower, but it still isn’t accepted to throw one for yourself, since you’re basically straight-up asking for people to give you gifts. 

To the OP- it’s totally OK for your Future Mother-In-Law to throw you a bridal shower! If you’re uncomfortable with having a shower in general you’re definitely free to decline. 

Post # 9
378 posts
Helper bee

I see no drama here. Your Future Mother-In-Law made a nice offer that you can take or leave. Its that simple. Either way, there is nothing wrong with your choice. 

Post # 10
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

It’s totally fine for her to throw you a shower.  If you are really really uncomfortable, you can politely decline, stating “while I appreciate your offer, I would prefer to not have a shower at all”.  Personally, I think you should let her throw it.  They are often a lot of fun

Post # 11
29 posts
  • Wedding: October 2018

girlfromtexas1088 :  There is nothing unethical about her wanting to host a shower for you. I personally find it super sweet that she want to do this for you, she considers you part of her family, this is a way for her to do that. A shower is thrown for you by someone who cares and wants to wish you the best on your upcoming nuptuals. When i was the Maid/Matron of Honor in my childhood best friends wedding I hosted her Bridal Shower as her parents couldn’t afford it and It was something that i felt blessed doing for her. She like you was very reserved about the idea and didn’t want me to spend money unecessarily on her, but the look on her face that day surounded by women who loved her and were excited for her was perfect and i couldn’t imagine it being any different for you. 

Hope this helps Bee!

Post # 12
360 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like she genuinely wants to throw you a shower. Some people love entertaining- I am one of those people, and I assure you if she is one of those people, it is not at all an inconvenience to her. So other than not wanting to inconvenience her or your friends, is there a reason you really don’t want a shower? I have already told my mom that if she or my bridal party wants to throw me a shower, I do not want gifts, but rather, would love it if everyone wrote me their favorite recipe. You don’t have to play shower games, you can just drink and talk and have a lovely time with people who love you. 

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