Post # 1
I’m slightly annoyed (ok, very annoyed) about my bridesmaid dress situation.
I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding and without warning, the bride bought me a bridesmaid dress without telling me. I didn’t get to see a picture, she didn’t tell me in advance that she was buying it, I didn’t have an opinion on whether it would be ok – all I received was an email saying she bought them and then she sent me the dress in the mail. I know it’s the bride’s day (I’m married so I understand the wedding planning process) but isn’t it rude for a bride just to dump a dress on me to wear without even having a conversation with me about it? I’m annoyed!
Post # 3
I am sorry about the lack of communication the bride had with her bridesmaid. I am not sure anything can be done at this point in regards to the dress, as they have been purchased and sent.
Maybe you could e-mail her, call her, etc, maybe she just isn’t good at communicating, so by lending her an ear to speak to you may be able to have some say in other upcoming issues which affect you.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I only consulted one of my bridesmaids to pick the dress for our wedding… and gave her free reign to make the decision for everyone. I honestly didn’t feel bad about it. Having the input of 4,5,6,7,8 girls picking one dress style is a lot of pressure, and I have a feeling that there couldn’t possibly be one dress that all the girls could agree on. Also, I had never been consulted in the past weddings that I’ve been in on the dress. I was ok with that as well.
While I agree that it would have been much more courteous for the bride to have asked you your opinion, I hope you can also see that with the infinite checklists that brides have to take care of, finding a style that every single bridesmaid LOVES especially with everyone having different body types is often a near impossibility.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that this happens fairly often, and I hope that you don’t take it too personally 🙁 It’s just a dress, and I’ve worn dresses that I never would have picked on my own if I had the choice for weddings. I think I just resolved to be happy for my friend that was getting married, and part of her dream wedding included this dress for her bridesmaids! It was her day, and I was ok with it.
Post # 5
I have been a bridesmaid seven times and have never been seriously consulted about the bridesmaid dress. So, for my wedding, I am not consulting my bridesmaids either! Like previous posters have mentioned, it’s too difficult to juggle the desires of several girls. Of course I want them to be happy with it, but I am going to make the final call.
In my opinion it is almost better not to ask that way the ‘maids don’t have hurt feelings if their input wasn’t taken into account. I think the only two situations that I would get approval from all of my ‘maids before buying a dress would be if the dress was somewhat revealing/tight or if the dress were very expensive. Since the bride bought and shipped your dress for you, she probably felt even less of an obligation to get the o.k. from you before she bought them.
Post # 6
I agree with the other posters.
I tried to get input from all my girls and it was very very stressful to do because everyone wanted something different. I was getting so busy with work and school, that I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor to just take the lead and choose a dress that she likes. Which she was in the process of doing when we stumbled upon a dress that was on sale and I sent an email out to all my girls and said this is it!
It sucks that your friend didn’t have the time to have a chat with you about the dress. But she might be under a lot of stress. And while you totally have the right to feel hurt or annoyed, try not to let it get to you too much or make a big issue of it with the bride.
Hope the dress looks great on you anyhow. Good luck!
Post # 7
It’s a free dress, isn’t it?
To be honest, I don’t see the problem. She took the hassle of looking rack after rack of dresses, saved you time, made everything simple. You sound quite ungrateful.
Unless the dress it 100% unflattering. I would just let it go.
Post # 8
I did not consult any of my bridesmaids on the dress selection and was never consulted by any of the brides when I was in their wedding either. I think you should look at it as a nice gift. I am thinking she wanted to surprise you with a dress and if she is paying for it that is even better!!!
Post # 9
I tried consulting with the girls in my wedding and no one had agreed on anything. So I made a decision told them that if they completely hated it let me know and we could discuss it but everyone then loved it. They also had to pay for it. If I could afford the bridesmaid dresses on top of everything else they wouldn’t of had a choice about any of it. Only cuz I dont’ want to wait on them agreeing/disagreeing and then arguing…
Post # 10
i take offense to being called ungrateful. but i understand why you may call me that given the details i gave you. the bride in question reads these boards so i’m trying to trek carefully in soliciting advice. i guess the way i look at it is – she only has 3 bridesmaids (including the MOH) which is me (so there is no need for 8 consents). We talk constantly everyday via the internet (so her not telling me about buying the dresses in advance is ridiculous). She was a member of my bridal party. They were allowed to choose anything they want (all had to match but everyone was given an opinion) and we all ended up agreeing on a $300 dress that I purchased for each of them. So i guess I’m sore b/c I was so accomodating to her as a member of my bridal party – and she’s not returning the favor now. I’m not asking you to change your opinion b/c its your opinion but just wanted to give you more facts so I don’t get accused of being ungrateful.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t say you are ungrateful, but I agree that you shouldn’t complain unless the dress is horribly hideous. I’m sure your friend has great taste and wouldn’t put you in something ugly! If you guys are that close, she won’t be offended if you politely say that you would have enjoyed being a part of the process in chosing your attire. Maybe she could use your help to pick shoes, accessories, etc. instead?
From my own experiences, I have been a bridesmaid 3 times and every time I had a say in what I’d be wearing. Or at least agreed that what the bride had chosen was perfect before ordering the dress. I do think that its nice to consider the bridal party before ordering something for them, but its the bride’s day. If the bride wants what she wants then you can’t stop her from getting her way! Personally, I want all my BMs to be comfortable in what they wear so I will be allowing them to chose their own style in one color. I trust each of them to pick something elegant and tasteful with or without my opinon!
Good luck! I wouldn’t stress too much. Just be happy for your friend.
Post # 12
It sounds a little bit frustrating. For the four weddings I’ve been in, two times, the gown was decided for me–no input from the bridesmaids. I can’t say they were my favorites, but they were alright, and the bride was pleased. I was given a few options to choose from in the other two weddings, but a general aesthetic was set by the brides. And for my wedding, I basically chose the dress, ran it by my girls to see if they had objections (and it didn’t hurt that it was on sale), but they didn’t.
It’s not fun to have no input. But we all know how many freaking decisions there are when it comes to planning a wedding. She was probably just relieved to have something checked off the list, you know?
I’d imagine she wouldn’t have done it if she knew it would bother you.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I would never call you ungrateful either… you have a valid concern, and I don’t think it is wrong to take your feelings into account, especially after you were so accomodating in your own wedding. I bet she has been in weddings herself (much like I, and many others) where the dress was picked for her, and she didn’t care, so she probably went ahead and did the same thing. I’m willing to also bet that she wouldnt have done it if she would have known it bothered you… just knowing that she paid for the dress herself, which is not common in American culture, seems like it was ok for her to go ahead and just make the call.
Post # 14
I think it is the brides day… and as long as the dress fits everything is ok. Just remember – when its your turn do the same thing!!! 🙂
I have only been bridemaid once – for my mother, and she made my dress…. it was ugly as hell….and I hated it. But I knew that she was happy, and thats what kept me from tearing it up and spazzing at her.
Keep us posted on what the dress is like!!! 🙂