(Closed) Question about destination +1s

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

As her parents will be there I guess you can get away with it cause it’s not like she’s alone tho 26 isn’t exactly young adult, it’s more just regular adul. if i was invited to your wedding but not my SO with whom I’ve been living for two years, I’d probably politely decline the invitation. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  mandabride00.
Post # 3
Member
47342 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
smac423: 

If it were a local wedding, would you not give her a plus one? or do you think her parents and her sister would fill that role?

Being a bridesmaid is reason enough to give her a plus one.

Post # 5
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

No, you definitely don’t need to give her sister a +1 and she shouldn’t expect it (unless she has a very serious boyfriend/girlfriend, then it might be a little more grey). In my opinion, a big part of determining plus ones is the guest’s comfort level and familiarity with other guests, which is why it’s nice to give them to single friends who would otherwise be traveling alone. But if parents and/or siblings will be there and the guest is single? Not expected or necessary.

Post # 6
Member
2506 posts
Sugar bee

i would give her a +1, just in case she does get into a serious relationship within the next year. here’s my thinking: if she’s still single next year (or in a not-so-serious/casual/new relationship), chances are she’s not going to bring a guest anyway since it’s a destination wedding – she’s not going to go away for a weekend, to attend a  wedding of all things, with some rando. to top it off, her entire family is going to be there, which kinda puts a LOT of pressure (vacation+wedding+family) on a new/not serious relationship. add to that fact that because her family will be there, there’s not pressure for her to bring a date just so she’s not alone….and I think it all turns out to be highly unlikely she takes you up on that +1. BUT, just in case she DOES wind up with a very significant other in the next year, by giving her a +1 now, you’re covered.

real question here though is, why are sending out invites a year in advance? Save-The-Date Cards don’t get addressed as “as guest” – just the formal invites do, and those typically go out within a couple of months of the wedding, not a year out. so really you have a lot of time to see where her dating life goes before making the call….

Post # 7
Member
7504 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I woudl give her a +1.  She is still using her vacation time and spending her vacation money to go to your wedding (if she accepts the invite) because she’s an adult, not a dependent child, and she should be able to choose a traveling companion, like an adult, not be lumped in with her family like a dependent child would be.

Post # 8
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Any adult should be receiving their own invite.  So just because you are inviting her parents, the 26 year old should receive her own invite with an “and guest” attached.

Post # 9
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Any adult should be receiving their own invitation. The people who escort your adult guests to your wedding, are themselves adults — and they will be your guests: etiquette does not recognize the category of ‘guest-in-law’ — so they too should be receiving their own invitations.

The way to do this, is to contact the people who will otherwise be travelling alone, and say “I realize you may not want to travel alone. Is there someone you wish me to invite, so that they can travel with you? I’ll need their proper name and title and mailing address.” This is the only way that formal etiquette can be satisfied while still offering people “a plus-one”. It also solves the problem of having guests compare invitations and discover that they didn’t “get a plus-one” when someone else did. Since nobody “gets a plus-one”, there’s no inequality to cause complaint.

 

Post # 10
Member
9772 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think any adult should get a +1. If I went on vacation with my parents I wouldn’t be sharing a room with them or anything, so it would be nice to have the option of a guest.

Post # 11
Member
1050 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Would you tell her to her face that her invitation is an extention? I assume not, and if everyone is getting a plus 1, then you should give her one.

I am also a believer that if people are so generous to spend their money to go to your wedding, I should be generous to give them a plus one. I realize some people don’t agree with me. 

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