(Closed) Question about going out to dinner and parents paying

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who pays if you and your SO go out with your parents or your in-laws?
    My parents always pay, my in-laws don't. : (16 votes)
    23 %
    My in-laws always pay, my parents don't. : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Both my parents and my in-laws pay. : (42 votes)
    61 %
    Neither my parents or my in-laws pay. : (8 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    12973 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    (1) It’s about 50/50 whether we treat or either set of parents treat. We always offer to treat, and often get shot down.

    (2) I don’t think you should ever go somewhere expecting that someone will treat you; it’s a nice surprise if they do, but you shouldn’t get upset if they don’t. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee

    We only go out with my Mom and she always pays. We offer to split the bill but she doesn’t let us.

    Post # 5
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    1. It varies

    2. If you know that trying to split the bill is going to be awkward, why don’t you ask for seperate checks when you get there?  Then you guys pay your bill, your parents pay theirs? 

    Post # 6
    Member
    679 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    We always pay for ourselves.  Typically, we ask for a separate check to avoid the nickel and diming when he bill comes.

    I don’t thnk you should expect your dad to pay at all.  there are plenty of times that we invite friends out to dinner for birthdays etc, but we all pay for ourselves.

    In my opinion, you should put a stop to his parents always paying.  Occasionally is fine, but all the time?

    Post # 7
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My parents (or grandparents, aunts, whatever) usually pay for us and so do my husband’s. The exception would be when we make a point to treat our parents or other relatives for a special occasion like a birthday, Mother’s Day, etc. or as a thank-you for something. This is the norm in our family. If this is not the norm in your family, then no, I would not expect your dad to pay. I don’t think in general that an invitation to go out to dinner means the other person is paying.

    I understand how you feel though with splitting up the check based on what someone ordered. My husband is super uncomfortable with this and finds it embarrassing.

    Post # 8
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Right now, both my in-laws and my parents foot the bill when they invite us out to dinner. It’s incredibly generous of them.

    Post # 9
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Unless we’re taking them out for whatever reason (birthdays, mothers/fathers day, etc), the parents always pay. Sometimes we play that whole reach for the wallet game but we’re quickly dismissed and told to put our money away. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    363 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My FI’s parents always pay-even when we have taken them out for father’s day or something sometimes they just refuse to let us. So we usually have them over now when it’s a celebration for them.

    My parents will allow us, but usually they pay. We don’t live near them so we don’t go out with them nearly as much though.

    Post # 12
    Member
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Both of our sets of parents almost always treat.  My SO’s older sister has started contributing for her family (4 total) when we go out as a big family, but the Father-In-Law dont care if we do or not.

    I will say when we went out with both sets of parents, my Mom asked me if we were treating since it was our idea.  I joked that if that was the case we would have been at McDonalds.  So the two sets of parents just split the check down the middle

    Post # 13
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    1.  When we go out to eat with my parents, we almost always pay the entire bill.  They usually argue for awhile about it, but I would say we’ve paid 9 out of the last 10 times we’ve gone out together.  When we go out with my Mother-In-Law (FIL is not in the picture), we take turns paying.  My husband and I make more money than my parents and his mom, so it just doesn’t feel right to expect them to pay.  I usually would rather avoid any awkwardness and just grab the bill and take care of it myself, but I also really haaaate any awkward moments involving money. 

    2.  If I were you, I think I’d go to this dinner being ready to pay for your own…then if your dad decides to treat you, it will be a nice surprise…and if he doesn’t, you won’t have any hard feelings 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Neither of our parents treat, we treat them if anything. When we are not treating, we just ask for separate bills to avoid any confusion.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think this depends on each person’s family dynamics. My co worker actually complains about how when her younger sister goes out with their parents the parents always pay. She believes the “child” should pay for the parents once they are working. Where as in my family my parents always pay for me and Darling Husband. Unless it is their birthday and Darling Husband and I are treating them to a special birthday dinner. If it’s not a birthday my parents actually get really upset if we pay.

    Post # 16
    Member
    5479 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My parents don’t have a lot of money, but FI’s parents almost always pay the bill.  We do sometimes pick up the entire check, but usually his dad is quick & sneaky 🙂

    My dad will always always pay for me when he & I go out, and he has paid for Fiance as well, but we don’t go out to dinner with him & my step-mom often, usually it’s just meeting up for a drink.

    My mom and step dad rarely go out to dinner with us, and when they do, they never pay.  Which is fine, since I know they don’t really have the money.

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