(Closed) Question about parents

posted 8 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Do you feel your parents...
    were very affectionate/big cheerleaders for you and it annoyed you? : (6 votes)
    7 %
    were very affectionate/big cheerleaders for you and you liked it? : (32 votes)
    38 %
    were not affectionate/undemonstrative with you and you liked it? : (3 votes)
    4 %
    were not affectionate/undemonstrative with you and you missed it? : (28 votes)
    33 %
    were just right? : (15 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My parents definitely veered towards cheerleaders/affectionate. I liked it then and I do now as well. They weren’t perfect of course– no one is– but I really feel like I can’t find any fault with their basic parenting style. They always supported what I wanted to do, but then made me follow through. They praised me when I did well, but didn’t scold me when I did poorly (maybe reminded me the outcome of working harder). They let me participate in things I was good at and things I flat-out sucked in. I always felt like they were endlessly supportive of me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My family is super affectionate and supportive and I really flourished in that kind of environment.  I’m an only child of older parents, and they did not think they could have children, so they spoiled me as much as they could and gave me every opportunity they could.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    My parents were affectionate, but not cheerleaders.  They were the type that you’d come home with four classes with grades over 100%, and one 99% and they’d ask what happened to that 1%. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I can’t really give an awnser to your poll because mine does not fit

    My mom was very affectionate, but she was also not very supportive. I don’t know if that makes sence. She always hugged me and said she loved me….BUT I also felt that she was often not very supportive and was not a big cheerleader

    Post # 7
    Member
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @CorgiTales: “My parents definitely veered towards cheerleaders/affectionate. I liked it then and I do now as well. They weren’t perfect of course– no one is– but I really feel like I can’t find any fault with their basic parenting style.”

    You entire post word for word describes my parents.  I strive to emulate their parenting style with my own children when that time comes.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    One of my parents is a “cheerleader” type, and I ate it up. The other tends to say nothing or criticise.

    Guess which parent I fight with all the time…

    Post # 9
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @ddw:ditto!

    Post # 10
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    My parents were very critical of me. It’s given me a lot of self-esteem issues. I worked through some of them in college, but I have to push myself to apply for certain jobs or internships because I feel like I’m not good enough for them.

    There should maybe be a category for parents who were very involved but weren’t necessarily kind about it?

    Post # 11
    Member
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    my parents were very affectionate and supportive, but not in an overly indulgent way–i wasn’t spoiled and i learned to work hard, etc. if i slacked off or something they’d call me on it and set me straight. but when i did well, they were there cheering me on, and they encouraged me when i was having a hard time. i’m still really, really close to them. i’ll definitely look to them for advice when i’m a parent and follow their example.

    hubby’s parents are on the more undemonstrative side (his dad never hugs him), and it bothers him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7522 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My mother was very affectionate and both my parents were very supportive.  It was great.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I just want to say one other thing – I’ve seen a lot of families where the parents embarrass the kids by being openly affectionate/supporitive, like especially teenagers when it’s in front of their friends. (I worked with teens for a while.)

    Your teen /preteen may roll their eyes at you when you tell them good job, or it may seem to annoy them, but I promise, that deep down, they need and want that validation. And if they don’t consciously appreciate it now, they probably will in the future.

    And actually, positive reinforcement is a really important part of a discipline strategy. Like I mentioned about my one parent, who only criticised, it was so hard to feel like I was ever doing anything right when all the focus was on what I was doing wrong. I handled discipline a LOT better when it came from the other parent, because I knew that it was genuine and deserved, rather than just because they were in a bad mood that day. 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    829 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    My dad was always my cheerleader, was behind me 100%, and pushed me to go out of my comfort zone and follow my dreams.  He was amazing.  Unfortunately, my mother & stepfather were never behind me (thought going to college was a waste, that I should get married at 18 and start having babies, among other things).  As I got older I confided in my dad more and trusted his opinion more.  My mom, well, she’s the same.  I don’t have a good relationship with her at all, and I do miss that.  I wish we could have some form of a relationship, but I know that will never happen.  And, honestly?  I get kind of sick and turned-off when I see great mother-daughter relationships, only because I’m jealous.  It also just seems weird to me.  My dad died young (62) and unexpectedly from heart failure a few months ago, and I feel like I lost a really good friend.  Now, only my mom is left (with her husband) and that sucks. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    My parents were affectionate and supportive, and still are. My mom actually has a “baby box” that she STILL adds to with all of our accomplishments. Her youngest is 20! haha. She supports us even when I know deep down, she doesn’t always agree.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    My parents were just right, but if I had to choose, they were closer to being undemonstrative. They had high standards for academics and participation in activities, so we didn’t get rewarded per se for As and stuff like that. But our parents instilled in us very early that we were smarter and brighter than average (we were probably just like everyone else lol) so anything less than great was a reflection of us not trying hard enough. Whenever we got in trouble, our parents stayed neutral and, if anything, questioned our behavior cause if we weren’t doing anything wrong it wouldn’t even be a question, right? But there was not a moment in my childhood when I didn’t think that my parents thought the world of me.

    For me, it was just right and I saw how some of my friends who parents were their personal cheerleaders thought way too highly of themselves, even when they did things they had no business being proud of. But that was just my experience. Now that I’m getting ready to have kids, I have no idea how they pulled that off!

    The topic ‘Question about parents’ is closed to new replies.

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